Hi Atticus,Recently my kids (7 and 8yo) have been staying and some of the things they are saying that happens at their other home concerns me.
Am I allowed to record some of the random conversations that openly come out of their mouths?
Thanks in advance
Leaving aside for a moment the recording (which in itself can create complex legal debate over coaching & admissibility as evidence).... If you genuinely suspect (serious) psychological harm may be occurring, then there are a bunch of reasons why YOU should NOT be talking about it with them & most especially questioning them about it...Its a recording that would include the eldest and myself, and sometime the younger. It does concern their mental welfare. NOT their physical welfare.
And yes, totally unprompted.
Thanks Atticus,Leaving aside for a moment the recording (which in itself can create complex legal debate over coaching & admissibility as evidence).... If you genuinely suspect (serious) psychological harm may be occurring, then there are a bunch of reasons why YOU should NOT be talking about it with them & most especially questioning them about it...
If something WERE happening, the kids testimony is often all there is. Are you aware that questioning children can contaminate a kids later testimony? That is why these things need to be left to trained child psychologists, who are supposed to take great care to extract information that can be relied on.... Kids are not like adults, they don't think or process things like an adult, & what you think may be a logical extension of something said could be light years from what they are actually thinking or meant... They are also hard wired to tell an adult what they think that adult wants to hear.... Repeated questioning on the same or similar topic for eg, can result in a kid assuming the first answer must be wrong, & they may subsequently change the story slightly ..... Add to that the questioners own confirmation bias, ie, you assume something, then (sometimes even unconsciously) note anything said that confirms your assumption.
So what to do ? ..... IF you suspect SERIOUS psychological harm (because it shouldn't be a news flash to anybody that dealing with separation, not seeing one parent nearly as often as they may like, & coping with separated parents is in itself psychologically challenging for kids & has consequences) then if a kid says or does something that concerns you, WRITE IT DOWN... Don't question them about it, don't record it. Those notes can then later be handed to a child psychologist if it ever comes to that... They are the ones trained in this stuff
Yes I write everything down on a daily basis.
I don't really ask questions, not at an adult level anyway. Most of the time I deflect it onto another topic. All of these conversations are out of the blue. Something we do our end must trigger them off and then they just start talking.
Thanks again for your time I greatly appreciate you replying to my query.