Hi. I have been divorced for 5 years. Ex removed for DV (mainly verbal). My question is. My children aged 11, 9 & 7 spend time with the father in accordance with orders. I had provided them with a mobile phone so they could contact me. The orderd are they can contact either party at reasonable request. Father's girlfriend found children messaging me. Told children it was unacceptable. Removed phone and gave it to their dad. Was confiscated their whole visit. Children were told not to hide phone from dad. All are afraid of him and too scared to ask to contact me as they get in trouble and are filled with emotional abuse. Can anything be done? Been right through court. A lot of stuff didn't get to the judge as father holds it against children and it's harder for them.
VIC Phone confiscated from children
- Thread starter Sarah Jane mary
- Start date
nope - nothing... you can do... Well kinda...
So could you have told dad of the intention of giving the kids a phone...
I'm a dad, I've been accused of DV... I would interpret a secret phone rather conspiratorially. I'd have seen it as mum convincing the kids that I'm a bad guy and that if mean and nasty daddy says any mean and nasty stuff they can call mum and dob... AND that was mum's intention... To perpetuate the myth that I'm a menace...
Reasonable phone communication is a vague term. Just outa interest, when you got this phone... Did you put dad's number into it and encourage the kids to call dad when ever they want? or was it strictly for the benefit of them contacting you when they were with him... See if it was so they could contact you, but not him... Well I reckon that is a little mean and tricky... Why not tell dad you're sending a phone, discuss it with him? be transparent?
Short version - dad's house, dad's rules... Now given he has been granted access by the courts it would suggest to me that there is NO REASON for them to fear him... If he was a danger the courts would not grant access...
Your best bet - teach the kids not to fear their dad.
AND
Tell them to ask politely to call you.. If he refuses then he is breaching the orders....
So could you have told dad of the intention of giving the kids a phone...
I'm a dad, I've been accused of DV... I would interpret a secret phone rather conspiratorially. I'd have seen it as mum convincing the kids that I'm a bad guy and that if mean and nasty daddy says any mean and nasty stuff they can call mum and dob... AND that was mum's intention... To perpetuate the myth that I'm a menace...
Reasonable phone communication is a vague term. Just outa interest, when you got this phone... Did you put dad's number into it and encourage the kids to call dad when ever they want? or was it strictly for the benefit of them contacting you when they were with him... See if it was so they could contact you, but not him... Well I reckon that is a little mean and tricky... Why not tell dad you're sending a phone, discuss it with him? be transparent?
Short version - dad's house, dad's rules... Now given he has been granted access by the courts it would suggest to me that there is NO REASON for them to fear him... If he was a danger the courts would not grant access...
Your best bet - teach the kids not to fear their dad.
AND
Tell them to ask politely to call you.. If he refuses then he is breaching the orders....
Agree with the above - dad's house, dad's rules, and this is very much a day-to-day decision entrenched even by the fact that the orders grant dad the freedom to assess whether a phone call request is occurring at a reasonable time in their household. I'm sure you appreciate not having to facilitate one of the kids constantly texting or calling someone else while you're trying to sit down and enjoy a catch-up with your kids over dinner, correct?
Hi thanks for your responses. As stated i told the children not to hide the phone from their father. I also did put his telephone number in it as well as mine yes i explained it was an emergency phone they could use at any time even if they were sleeping at a friend's etc, not just at his house. He is still getting drunk and fighting with his current partner or even his mother and losing his temper and frightening the children. Yes he does breach the order and refuse to allow the children to contact me. They are met weith a response such as "well if you don't want to be with me i may as well go away" and "if you tell anyone i told you that poor daddy will get locked up" the children are also declined to go to some social events during what he calls "his time". They are always allowed to call their father when they are with me and are comfortable to ask.
Forgive me, but all of what you've said above is speculation - unless you're living in the house with them, all you know is what you hear in third-party reports, and my guess is that those third parties come in the form of an 11, 9 and 7-year-old who very much want to do/say what they can to share in your affection - not exactly reliable witnesses, are they?
Your primary complaint isn't that he frightens the children, that he gets drunk and fights with his girlfriend or mother in front of the kids, or that he's abusive toward them. Your primary complaint is that he confiscated their phone. Usually, if there's a genuine fear for the kids' safety, a confiscated phone isn't the first thing that comes up.
Your primary complaint isn't that he frightens the children, that he gets drunk and fights with his girlfriend or mother in front of the kids, or that he's abusive toward them. Your primary complaint is that he confiscated their phone. Usually, if there's a genuine fear for the kids' safety, a confiscated phone isn't the first thing that comes up.
Unless the court orders specifically mention the children being in possession of a mobile phone at all times, he is completely within his rights to remove the phone. I would have done exactly the same thing in his position.
It is the responsibility of the adults in these situations to facilitate communication, that burden should not be placed on the shoulders of young children by giving them a mobile phone without even telling the other parent.
It is the responsibility of the adults in these situations to facilitate communication, that burden should not be placed on the shoulders of young children by giving them a mobile phone without even telling the other parent.
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