VIC Parenting Plan - What to Do if Mediation is Unsuccessful?

[Jimbo!]

Thanks Rod

I can do 50/50 now and want 50/50.

What reasons has she given for not wanting 50/50?

 

[NineM]

What reasons has she given for not wanting 50/50?

She states our youngest is still young (4) and should be with her more.
When questioned in front of the mediator, she asked if I could leave.

To be perfectly honest , I do not know the full reasoning.

 

[NineM]

I wonder if people consider how hard single parenting is. I am a Dad with my kids 50/50, week with kids is great, but hard work. My ex feels the same. It's rewarding, but we are both in bed by 8.30 when we have the kids. Something your ex should maybe consider. I really don't think 2 days is enough.

Also if you are doing 5/2 doesn't this mean she gets them Mon - Fri and you have them every weekend? Leaving no free weekends to yourself and no school stuff for you? Note my kids are thriving in the 50/50 arrangement.

Thanks Jimbo for the response.
Much appreciated in also sharing your experience with 50/50.
How old are your kids?

The trial is 2 nights with me (Sunday pickup 9am, Monday, Tuesday drop offs) then with her for the rest of the week.

 

[NineM]

Thanks all for the responses so far.
I will definitely include "plan needs to set out the clear intention of the parents to 50/50 care" - Thanks Atticus

 

[sammy01]

You can have a 'plan that sets out intention of 50/50.... BUT... A plan is just a plan, it isn't enforceable. Just a though - I had 5 a fortnight and half holidays for a while. Looking back I liked it. So ask yourself this question... Is it really worth fighting in court for an extra day or two a fortnight?
BTW - this isn't about time it is about welfare and child support hence keeping you under 35% care

 

[Atticus]

You can have a 'plan that sets out intention of 50/50.... BUT... A plan is just a plan, it isn't enforceable.

True, & acknowledged in my post... but as also mentioned, if this does go to court Section 65DAB of the family law act states that when making a parenting order, the court must give regard to the terms of the most recent parenting plan if one exists...

That is why the parenting plan needs to set out clearly & without ambiguity, the intention of the parents regarding the amount of care that it either is or ultimately seeks to achieve through incremental increases in time spent with each parent...

 

[Jimbo!]

Thanks Jimbo for the response.
Much appreciated in also sharing your experience with 50/50.
How old are your kids?

The trial is 2 nights with me (Sunday pickup 9am, Monday, Tuesday drop offs) then with her for the rest of the week.

My 2 girls are 8 and 10.

"She states our youngest is still young (4) and should be with her more."

Yeah, that's just ridiculous. I think it's an archaic, outdated way of thinking of going back to when Mum stayed at home, Dad went to work. Perhaps if it meant that while the kids were in your care they ended up in daycare/childcare more than if they were with their Mum, fair enough. But unless you're an unfit Dad, there is no reason why you can't have a 4 year old 50/50.

My ex is a good Mum and she recognises I'm a good Dad, but she still struggles to grasp the concept that I can give the kids, everything she can i.e love, affection, advise etc She will try and trivialise my parenting, I think she thinks I just chase them around the house, playing monsters and that's the sum total of my parenting...that's fine.

I think with a lot of Mums, it's an ego thing. They are the only ones that can give the kids everything they need. Dad will only play a bit-part. The reality is kids learn lots from both parents and need both parents equally. I have friends that have their kids every other weekend and to be honest, I just can't see how they can bond or form a strong connection, 4 days a month... so fight for 50/50 access or as close to it as possible.

It's worth it. She might think you're not up to the task, it can be intimidating when your wife has done the lions share of the parenting, but it didn't take me long and it's very rewarding.

 

[Jimbo!]

Thanks Jimbo for the response.
Much appreciated in also sharing your experience with 50/50.
How old are your kids?

The trial is 2 nights with me (Sunday pickup 9am, Monday, Tuesday drop offs) then with her for the rest of the week.

So that only gives you one full day? Assuming you're in work Monday, Tuesday and they're in school/day care? It might be 2 nights, but doesn't work out to be a lot of time, once you tot up the hours.