NSW Kids not going to school 100+ whole days 40+ partial

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RAM7778

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28 October 2020
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They have been separated for nearly 5 years. Moved from QLD Mum relocated a few months after dad. Due to their young age at the time Mum wanted to build the relationship up back with dad slowly. Dad agreed in the best interest of the kids, as one was 4 the other just under 2. He has always tried to change it and increase time and stay out of court so the kids don’t have to go through being subjected to ICL or family report process. Unfortunately Mum constantly says kids aren’t ready maybe in 6 months and round and round it goes.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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ok so firstly, them ICL and Family Report Writers are smart folk. So to prove your thinking is stupid (sorry) But kids have to go to the dentist. Do they get traumatized? well a little. I hate dentists. But going to an independent family report writer isn't gonna cause them kids to be traumatized any more than the negative impact of missing almost half of the year at school.

Get the mediation done.... Get the certificate, after all there is no rush here, this stuff has been going on for years. Then do the court application.
 

RAM7778

Well-Known Member
28 October 2020
31
0
121
They have been separated for nearly 5 years. Moved from QLD Mum relocated a few months after dad. Due to their young age at the time Mum wanted to build the relationship up back with dad slowly. Dad agreed in the best interest of the kids, as one was 4 the other just under 2. He has always tried to change it and increase time and stay out of court so the kids don’t have to go through being subjected to ICL or family report process. Unfortunately Mum constantly says kids aren’t ready maybe in 6 months and round and round it goes.
ok so firstly, them ICL and Family Report Writers are smart folk. So to prove your thinking is stupid (sorry) But kids have to go to the dentist. Do they get traumatized? well a little. I hate dentists. But going to an independent family report writer isn't gonna cause them kids to be traumatized any more than the negative impact of missing almost half of the year at school.

Get the mediation done.... Get the certificate, after all there is no rush here, this stuff has been going on for years. Then do the court application.
Sammy I totally agree with you, problem is hubby is not a fighter and she comes out with some nasty threats gets in his head and he starts believing it and doubting what he can do. Never fear though I am so not that person. I have finally got his confidence up and help him with any responses. When she starts getting in his head I search and study case law and print out the transcripts so he can read them. February this year I took him to the federal circuit court so he could sit in for the day to watch what happens. As you have probably already worked out I am a very organised person and an over preparer hence why I joined this group so I can ask questions as I go, I want to make sure I get views and opinions from others so I can improve knowledge and my way of thinking, making sure I don’t go in and get slammed because I’m not prepared and not thinking subjectively.
 

sammy01

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27 September 2015
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I do think it has never been a better time to be a dad going through court. I can remember about 7 years ago when I wasn't seeing my kids and had got some cheap arse accommodation because I was paying child support, the mortgage, rent and legal bills. I met some nice men who were older than me and went through this s**t in the 80's. One bloke - a retired police officer, was still paying spousal maintenance nearly 30 years after divorce, he never saw his kids again until they were in their late 20's. Something for your partner to think about.
And the data supports it. Sure this info is a bit old but if anything that should indicate that the numbers now are even better for blokes. Have a read:
"The data suggest that a greater increase in shared care time has occurred for judicially determined cases than for those in which parents reach agreement by consent....The proportion of judicial determination cases resulting in shared care time increased from 4% pre-reform to 34% post-reform" if you dont wanna read the whole article, just go to the bit about 'court data'


Do mediation - then apply to court. Use this site to help you do the court thing without solicitors
 
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RAM7778

Well-Known Member
28 October 2020
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I absolutely hope everything in your world is good now Sammy. You are a beautiful human. Like you said it used to be a system that was so unjust. We both went through it as kids. Both him and I had fathers that fought for us went though the old school intimidating interviews. Only to have our mothers do a runner. Hence why his hesitation. We too were much older when our fathers came into our lives. He is the scared cautious one where I’m the one who says F you I’m going to take you to task.
thank you for all the wonderful support, info and advice Sammy xx
 

sammy01

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27 September 2015
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so get me caught up?
kids? 7 and 9?
What sort of access does dad get atm?
How far do you guys live from mum.
Let me guess. Mum doesn't work? the kids stay home from school because mummy gets lonely during the day? FFS
 

RAM7778

Well-Known Member
28 October 2020
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121
Yep 7 & 9,
Mum will only let dad see them for a few hours every 2 or 3 weeks with her present. She often even cancels that because the “kids are sick”
We live 3 hours from Mum. Dad has to drive the whole way.
You 100% nailed it, Mum gets lonely and hates the kids being away from her. There is definitely mental health/anxiety issues there it’s not normal behaviour.
 

sammy01

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27 September 2015
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can you move closer to mum?
Angling for 50/50 is easier than looking to change the parenting arrangements but right now the distances is the problem.
 

RAM7778

Well-Known Member
28 October 2020
31
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121
can you move closer to mum?
Angling for 50/50 is easier than looking to change the parenting arrangements but right now the distances is the problem.
Unfortunately not we have 50/50 shared care of my 2 boys. 12 & 15. 15 year old has a job also and hubby and I both work full time. Mum has never worked so it would be far more visible if mum moves. Mum has no family around her she has isolated herself from all her family. She moved to where she is now as she has a sister there but they have not spoken for about 2 years now.
we would be happy to have 50/50 if she moved closer but we would ask for sole parental responsibility for health care and education.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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ok so is seeking primary care achievable in your world? Getting mum to move closer to you guys? NOPE, no court is gonna order that. NO CHANCE

Look it is a stretch. Changing parenting tends to be a big deal. I don't like my advice sometimes. But just missing school (lots) isn't gonna cut it, getting the kids to deliver drugs around the neighbourhood would be worth a go. But I reckon you give it a shot anyways. Do mediation, watch it fail.... Then apply to court. Maybe mum will cave in. (good). If not you'll get orders for alternate weekends, with mum doing half the travel and half holidays.

Worth a shot.
Please tell me he is paying child support and nothing else - please.