How do you fix things when you have nothing

Discussion in 'Family Law Forum' started by Leon R, 13 January 2018.

  1. Leon R

    Leon R Active Member

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    years of putting up with the ex on sleeping tabs (stilnox) and pain killers are refusing any help caused me to start yelling at her to get out of bed and help with the kids but her problem got worse I would come home to find our disabled son in a wet bed with poo in his pants and he would tell me he cant wake his mother up this made me more pissed off call her a lazy c#%*! and yelling get the f#*$ out of bed I drove in the spare car to cool down I was then told I cant go back see had called the police and they put a DVO on me she then moved all my money into a unknown account and I was left with nothing I run out of fuel and was begging for food and lost count of how many times I breached asking for my money back and getting pissed off at her.
    I just spent 53 days in jail for breach and now I want my house back in the statements we both gave to police it says we have been separated for 5yrs with no sexual contact and no relationship now I moved into spare room because of her addiction and tried to get her help so it says after separation you have 2 years to contest ownership of anything and the house is in my name so how do I get my house and kids back with no money?
     
  2. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    Everything about your post tells me you're going about this the WRONG WAY... I'm trying to help you so don't get abusive ok...

    So slow down... What does the avo say? does it say you are not allowed to go near the house? IF it says that then don't go near the house...
    Does the AVO protect the kids or just her?
    Have you spoken to a solicitor? A doctor? anyone? If you have concerns for the wellbeing of the kids then CALL DHS.

    But don't lose your temper, if you do, instead of getting a good outcome where the kids could be in your care most of the time, they could wind up in foster care...
     
  3. Leon R

    Leon R Active Member

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    it says I can only text concerning the kids. Now I got a payout for a shoulder injury I payed for everything cars house etc and I'm in the middle of renovations I have a lot of money tied up in new stuff ready to do the 2nd bathroom and laundry all sitting there and the house looks unfinished so I know she cant afford to make payments so if the bank takes the house as it is I will loose everything I have worked for and because of the payout I cant get any government assistance till 2019 to me its like no one cares that this pill junkie has neglected the kids and is sending me bankrupt all they seem to do is treat me like a criminal for telling her to get the f#*% out of bed and look after the kids
     
  4. AllForHer

    AllForHer Well-Known Member

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    You are not going to like me.

    First, it sounds like your ex was unwell, perhaps suffering clinical or post-partum depression, and the compassion you showed her was to call her an array of colourful names, insinuate she was useless, then suggest that she somehow made you behave in such a way? The Court is a place of reason, but it most certainly doesn't like victim blaming and if you can't accept responsibility for your own actions when such actions were very clearly abusive, then the Court is going to have a lot of difficulty believing that you are in any way capable of acting in the best interests of the kids. Sure, you helped meet their physical needs while mum was in bed, but were you meeting their emotional needs when you were abusing their mentally unwell mother? Absolutely not.

    I will speculate far outside of my usual approach to posts on this forum: you need to address your personal issues with anger management before you even consider spending money on Court proceedings for property settlement or parenting orders, because I think if you go to Court while still blaming your ex for your own actions, you will lose, and spectacularly so.

    Legal Aid offers free consultations for family law matters, so go to them for legal advice first, but I also think you should call Relationships Australia for counselling and course options in anger management.
     
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  5. Tim W

    Tim W Lawyer
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    You are not going to like me either.

    Your wife could have depression (post partum, or any other kind).
    She might also have become separately dependent on the Stiilnox.
    Either way, she's not lazy, she's sick.

    Now, get this - She will not "snap out of it", and no amount of goading (let alone abuse)
    on your part will solve that.

    Let me be clear - by behaving as you have described above,
    You.Are.Making.It.Worse.
    YOU are making it worse.

    Further, I am concerned that the support you (both) are receiving
    for you disabled child is inadequate.
    Yes, you do need help.
    No, you can't "handle it yourself".
    Because if you could "handle it", you would not be in your current... circumstances.

    What do you do? You start by ringing DOCS and getting that child
    out of that household and into some proper care.
     
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  6. Leon R

    Leon R Active Member

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    Thankyou for your reply i was never angry befor and I'm not angry around anyone else but after 5 years of trying to help her and watch her neglect my boys mostly my disabled son when i would come home and he is in a wet bed with poo in his pants and he tells me he has tried to wake his mom several times this fustration started the anger and
     
  7. Leon R

    Leon R Active Member

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  8. Leon R

    Leon R Active Member

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    Thankyou for your reply for many years i did handle it myself and yes i do think it was depression and i tried to get her help this was mental abuse to me and wire me down to a low point and i finally wanted out i was finishing off renovations to the house to make it good for sale and when we relised this she pushed me evan harder by transfering my money for renos into a different account starting arguments because i couldnt finish the house she then called the police and said i was abusing her and they put dvo on me and because she had all my money i couldnt get help and here i am 1 or 2 more weeks and my phone will be cut off and i will be kicked out of the room i have and im trying to get money for food i have had a lawyer do up a plan for me but have no more money to pay him and its a 2 hour walk to his office
     
  9. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    ok so what are you doing to make this thing better? Do you think Doc's need to get involved? Sometimes they can be more trouble than their worth... They could provide her with help as she has mental health issues AND that help might be to your detriment because you don't have mental health issues, you have a criminal history for violence...

    I reckon you really need some good legal advice to work out the best way forward
     
  10. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    mate you're still talking about the past rather than talking about how to proceed.
    So who is paying the mortgage on the house?
    Have you called relationships australia to organise mediation?
    Stop talking about the past and start looking at what you're gonna do to get things moving....

    So how much equity is in the house? What is it worth? who is paying the mortgage right now? Have you called Doc's to express concern about welfare of the kids? What have you done to move things forward?
     
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