SA Getting Primary Custody of Children?

[Bestdadevs]

G'day,

My wife 2 weeks ago, pulled the plug on our marriage. We have been together in total for 14 years, with 2 beautiful kids.

She has been planning this for 3 years and it left me dumb struck. I missed all the vital warnings signs which were glaringly obvious to me now. I asked for a second chance but was to be told it's 100% over. She eventually admitted "the grass is greener on the other side" was to appealing and wants to have "hot s*x" with other "nice" men in our small local community. She also admitted she has started smoking drugs again on occasions.

Yes, I accept blame and was an arsehole towards her sometimes as she was to me, now with reflection on my side, it wasn't a happy marriage. I honestly thought though at the time we had a normal marriage.

I am after help or sites I can research to see what my chances are of becoming the primary carer would be. I spent the bulk of my time as the bread winner and the past 7ish years she worked part time and caring for the kids (Now 10 and 12). She has her chef certificate and despite asking periodically for her to go back to as it pays well, she would start crying and say no as she hates it, so I'd give up and soldier on with jobs that i hated. I see now where some my frustration built up from.

I would love the opportunity to become primary carer and work part time. She would become the main breadwinner, but have full access 24/7, have sleepovers, come for breakfast, etc. I have told her parents they can have access anytime as well, I don't want to use the kids as bargaining chips to get back at her. I just want the chance to care for my kids in their last half of their childhood before leaving home.

Or should I settle for 50/50 custody of children and just suck it up and accept my losses?

Thanks.

 

[sammy01]

Just a quick response...You should strive for 50/50 and consider yourself lucky if you get it. Sorry to be blunt but that is the reality. The sad fact is that if the ex won't work, then she is gonna rely on gov't assistance and child support so the less time you have the kids the more money she gets.

So your ex has already demonstrated that she's got no interest in working. Why is that gonna change now?

So there is a lot in your post of no relevance - hot sex and drugs...etc... So you are gonna just have to deal with that stuff, yep it hurts, but her saying that to you is just hurtful - but not relevant to the law...

So the best thing is to try and sort this between yourselves if you can be that mature. So ask her what she thinks the arrangements for the kids should be and tell her that you want 50/50. If she agrees then get it written up as consent orders and send it to the court for approval.

Final thought - divorced doesn't hurt kids. Nasty vindictive parents hurt kids... Try to prevent that....

 

[Rod]

And realise it may take some time to get over this emotional bump in life. Length of time varies anywhere from 1 week to over 12 months.

And it is normally to feel sad from time to time during this process. Look up 'grieving and recovery' if this of concern to you, there's lots of material around. I didn't understand this when I went through my breakup years ago, and now looking back it is much clearer on the stages I went through.