QLD Family Law - Appeal Family Court Orders?

[Kjayde]

Interim orders (family court orders) were made in August, the time was then increased in September. The child was 14-months-old at the time the first interim orders were made. Now 3 months later she has suffered serve separation anxiety and aggression. Both myself and her father attended my daughter's gp and a mental health plan and report was done as she wasn't coping and the doctor had fears for her well being.

In family law court, the judge said it was completely outrageous we had entered her into a mental health plan and said that it was our fault she was like this. He never give me the opportunity to tell him I had a report as she's self harming herself. This behaviour was witnessed by the gp also.

I want to help my child. I don't see how getting her help is hurting anyone or "outrageous" but I'm extremely scared to put in an appeal if I lose (custody of children), cause quiet frankly, that judge scares the crap out of me.

 

[AllForHer]

I agree with the judge - a mental health plan for a 17-month-old child IS outrageous. The fact that it was made by a general practitioner and not a child psychologist is even worse. What kind of insight must you both lack to suggest there is something wrong with the child at that age, and not the people raising her? Kids of that age respond exclusively to their parents behaviour, they literally have no opinions of their own, so one or both of you are making some poor judgements as parents if the child is struggling with separation anxiety. What are the exchanges like? Do you and the father fight every time he picks the child up? Is one of you highly critical of the other, leading to denigration in front of the child? Do you linger over long, miserable goodbyes that make the child feel like they might never see you again? Or are they quick, calm and secure, making the child feel comfortable about her time with her father?

A mental health plan for a child of that age isn't the answer. Getting over your issues and learning to parent co-operatively is. If your child sees you fight every time there's an exchange, it's going to make her a miserable and angry child, so instead of blaming her by telling a doctor to fix her, why don't you and the father attend a post-separation parenting course, learn to communicate and learn to avoid conflict, literally for your child's health.

I apologise if this is blunt but you haven't asked a legal question, you have asked a moral one.

 

[Kjayde]

I agree with the judge - a mental health plan for a 17-month-old child IS outrageous. The fact that it was made by a general practitioner and not a child psychologist is even worse. What kind of insight must you both lack to suggest there is something wrong with the child at that age, and not the people raising her? Kids of that age respond exclusively to their parents behaviour, they literally have no opinions of their own, so one or both of you are making some poor judgements as parents if the child is struggling with separation anxiety. What are the exchanges like? Do you and the father fight every time he picks the child up? Is one of you highly critical of the other, leading to denigration in front of the child? Do you linger over long, miserable goodbyes that make the child feel like they might never see you again? Or are they quick, calm and secure, making the child feel comfortable about her time with her father?

A mental health plan for a child of that age isn't the answer. Getting over your issues and learning to parent co-operatively is. If your child sees you fight every time there's an exchange, it's going to make her a miserable and angry child, so instead of blaming her by telling a doctor to fix her, why don't you and the father attend a post-separation parenting course, learn to communicate and learn to avoid conflict, literally for your child's health.

I apologise if this is blunt but you haven't asked a legal question, you have asked a moral one.

Firstly thank you for the response. I value opinions whether that be for or against me.

Actually, to obtain a mental health plan you HAVE to get it from your gp. This is what I was told by numerous phsycologists. Who by the way are extremely eager to help her. I'm a victim of domestic violence and took at dvo out on my daughters father. Who also threatened his child at the age of 4 months. He told me if I didn't do what he said he would see our child one last time and I would too ( via text). The father set up mediation and I attended but it was done via telephone link and nothing was sorted. So I set up a further mediation through family relationship australia so it was face to face no lawyers and he refused to attend and I was given a certificate.

He was absent 10 months out of her life when she was thrown into the deep end at 13 minths

 

[Kjayde]

Sorry I hit post reply by accident, first interim orders I was made to supervise, 2nd stated I could hang around for 30 minutes but I choose not to. I give my daughter to her father and let him know if she needs lunch etc there has been no conflict at all. He can't change a nappy properly so I even went and bought nappy pants to help him out.... These issues are from the child being separated from me and I need help with the separation anxiety. My daughters aggression is not only affecting her, but her older sister who she constantly bites and hits and scratches and pulls her hair, then when I tell my baby to stop she's hurting her sister she turns on herself and the more I try to stop her the worse it gets. So call me outrageous but I intend to get my child help as I now have a lot of support from organisations and the physcologist that I in fact am not in the wrong! I apologise for being vague and again thanks for your opinion

 

[AllForHer]

The bottom line is that your judge feels you are holding your child exclusively responsible for her behaviours, instead of taking responsibility for your actions, as her parents. This demonstrates to a court that you and the father lack insight about how your behaviours affect your child.

Many judges would say this conclusion is further supported by the assertion that there is no conflict, despite both of you being in court. Realistically, if there was no conflict, you wouldn't be in court at all, would you?

I would also suggest that orders for unsupervised time were made because the father was not involved in the child's life for the first 10 months, rather than because the father is a risk to the child's safety. I make this assertion because if the court felt he was a danger, the time would continue to be supervised.

Separation anxiety has also been found to have a direct causal link to the level of comfort and security the child feels about spending time with the other parent, and the most significant influence over that level of comfort and security is the primary carer's encouragement. If you show you are apprehensive about the child spending time with the father, the child will be apprehensive about spending time with the father.

I feel I should also be clear that none of the above reasoning comes from me - it comes from many, many decisions handed down by the court. These are not uncommon findings in children's matters, and neither is the judge's opinion that a mental health plan for a 17mo child is outrageous.

If you were my client, I would not be advising an appeal. It's not ideal for a parent to be seen as prolonging litigation. I would be advising a post-separation parenting course, to establish yourself as the proactive parent doing all you can to support the child's relationship with her father. Many have lost primary carership before simply because the court didn't feel they were capable of supporting the relationship with the other parent, and I daresay many of those were uninformed about which behaviours they needed to be mindful of to avoid this end.

 

[Kjayde]

I've done everything you have said. Court is based on evidence not assumptions (quoting my own judge) but all is back on track! Thanks again