NSW Family Court - Does Document Signed by JP Hold Some Weight?

[Cavvygirl]

My partner and his ex broke up some time ago. They spent a few years in family court where he was given every second weekend and half school holidays access. He has accepted this although it is not ideal.

His son, now 9, has been wanting to come and live with his dad for a long time now. The mother finally let him come and stay. The orders were not changed by the court, but they signed a letter between the two of them where a JP witnessed and signed.

It states that the boy can live with his father, and the orders that they have been following are now reversed so this now is the mother has second weekend and half school holidays and the father being primary carer. It has only been 5 weeks, and during this time, the boy has been enrolled in his new school, which he loves. But the school has asked for his medication as he is a little out of control at school. He is disruptive, stealing and his knowledge of school work is less that what a grade child should know.

We are not sure how he ever got to grade 4 as he knows nothing. This weekend was his weekend with his mum. Before he went away for the weekend he had some things taken away as he has been naughty at school. He is also rude, disrespectful and plain nasty. He unfortunately seems to know how to manipulate people and speaks terribly.

So he went away for the weekend, my partner drove 3 hours to pick him up on Sunday, and when he got there he arrived to his son telling him to get lost and he is not coming home. After trying to get to the bottom of it and the mother being of no help he drove home without him.

The boy was booked in to see a doctor to get diagnosed. We are not wanting to have him drugged, but we need to know what we are dealing with whether it be ADHD, autism, Dyslexia. We just want to help him.

But now we have called the mother and she has decided that the boy will not be coming back as it is not what the boy expected to be (he now has structure and discipline in his life). The mother also does not want him diagnosed and said the father needs, it not the boy. She said the paper she signed is worth nothing and she can take him whenever she wants as per the original orders.

She has also moved further away since the boy lived with his dad. We think this was the plan, as the dad would never allow her to move further away and it seems she did this recently after giving the boy up and now taken him back. Surely that document they both signed and witnessed by a JP would hold some weight.

Also the boy needs help. He was such a beautiful loving boy and now he is so rude and seems to have no respect for anyone unless he is getting his own way. I feel this is all because of his illness and he has no structure at home.

Need help and what we can do to get him back and get him help. Maybe also stop his mother taking him for weekends as he comes back so different. Please any help on what we can do is most appreciated.

 

[AllForHer]

Forgive the frankness, but he was a good kid when living with mum, and a bad kid when he was living with dad. What does that sound like to you? To me, it sounds like the kid didn't cope with the change of residency, so moving back with his mum is probably best.

But the legal side of the thing.

Bottom line is the orders still stand. Parenting plans can be persuasive when seeking a change of orders, but they're not binding, and they won't necessarily meet the Rice & Asplund threshold necessary for the Court to consider varying orders.

Was there anything in the orders restricting relocation?

 

[Cavvygirl]

Forgive the frankness, but he was a good kid when living with mum, and a bad kid when he was living with dad. What does that sound like to you? To me, it sounds like the kid didn't cope with the change of residency, so moving back with his mum is probably best.

But the legal side of the thing.

Bottom line is the orders still stand. Parenting plans can be persuasive when seeking a change of orders, but they're not binding, and they won't necessarily meet the Rice & Asplund threshold necessary for the Court to consider varying orders.

Was there anything in the orders restricting relocation?

Thanks for the reply. No, the child was a acting up with his mum too, but she didn't care. She also has 4 other children to 3 other fathers. They are money makers for her. She is sneaky and a compulsive liar, which unfortunately the children turn out the same. Also 2 older children are drops outs of school. One of them is o oh just turned 14.

None have education or any chance of getting a job. They learn to live off Centrelink and think they are owed something. So maybe the child did not cope, but I don't see an issue with one of the fathers taking an interest for his child and to have an education of some sort.

But yes, I guess we will get a lot of that where the mother is God and father has no rights. It's same old same old. Bit like the courts say best interest of the child. Haha, What a joke that is....

Best interest they have learning disabilities and if the mother doesn't want to get them help she doesn't have, and the father has no say... And in regard to the moving, she moved when we first went to court. Packed up and moved away one night and never said anything. So the father went from having week on week off to every second weekend.

Why? Because she lied and said that the father knew she was moving and gave consent and now he changed his mind.

Yes, men are just there to pay child support and keep their mouths shut cause no one listens.
It's frustrating and not fair. Especially to watch a bright child now grow up to be a rude little brat who cannot add 1+1 at his age.

 

[AllForHer]

To the contrary, my husband won 50/50 care of his daughter and actually receives child support from his ex, which goes into the child's savings account because we prefer to cover her costs without relying on child support. I, often to the frustration of women who come to this forum, am a great advocate for fathers who want to be involved in kids' lives, but that doesn't meant I can do away with logic to accommodate.

The reality is this: you have Court orders. You can apply to have them changed, but you need to prove there has been a significant change in circumstances. The parenting plan they've signed might suffice, it's impossible to know until you try, but if mum wants the child back and you're depending on five weeks of reversed residency, I think mum will have the upper hand. If you want to get those changed, your partner needs to move closer to the kids, or mum needs to move closer to you.

 

[Cavvygirl]

To the contrary, my husband won 50/50 care of his daughter and actually receives child support from his ex, which goes into the child's savings account because we prefer to cover her costs without relying on child support. I, often to the frustration of women who come to this forum, am a great advocate for fathers who want to be involved in kids' lives, but that doesn't meant I can do away with logic to accommodate.

The reality is this: you have Court orders. You can apply to have them changed, but you need to prove there has been a significant change in circumstances. The parenting plan they've signed might suffice, it's impossible to know until you try, but if mum wants the child back and you're depending on five weeks of reversed residency, I think mum will have the upper hand. If you want to get those changed, your partner needs to move closer to the kids, or mum needs to move closer to you.

Thanks for your reply.

Yes the mum used to live 15 minutes down the road. Then did a midnight flip and moved 2 hours away without telling anyone, and then when it went to court she said that we knew and agreed and now have changed out mind.

Then in the last 5 weeks she has moved yet another hour and half away so it's now 3.5 hours to go pick up the boy. Think this has all been planned so we could not dispute the move, an now take back the boy and nothing can be done.

Yes it is all in the mother's hands and she has the upperhand.

She is a drug dealer, her husband is Vice President of a bikie group, but tells court he is not and they go get false jobs while court is in place. Best thing to do is walk away and forget the boy. If he can't learn and get an education, well he will must have to get through life best he can.

Centrelink can support him for the rest of his life and if he is lucky he will get some sort of pension.
That's the only thing that can be done since a father can't do anything except be told what he can and can't do and visit on certain days and 2 minute calls twice a week cause the time of phone call is at dinner time.

And he can move closer to be near him, but forget that they have threatened to kill him and tell his son that they will slice his neck open.

Yeah best leave the kid where he is. Nothing for men, all for women

 

[Robot12]

I think it might be necessary for you to assess where you think you stand in this picture - from the original post to the latest your tone has dramatically changed, possibly due to the replies you received which didnt give you the justification you wanted.

You say the boy was a good kid - most kids generally are. But he's nearing an age where he will start to have a greater understanding of the bigger world picture. His attitude change may have very little to do with his mum and more to do with things happening in his circle - his peers and buddies at school. They generally trump parents around this age.

I assume your partner has taken a keen interest in the childs founding years at school - why is it such a shock now that he seems so far behind? Why has dad not noticed this on reports or at teacher meetings? All schools have a standard kids need to be at in order to continue to learn - was he receiving extra help at the school prior to you moving him?

I guess for me, whilst I appreciate you thinking the kid's best interest are met by living with you, I would be more concerned about his education. I assume he's back in his old school, your partner needs to make an appointment with his teachers and work out whats going on and how to best improve his skills. At the very least let the school know he is able and willing to help with his sons education in whatever way he can if the school deem it necessary.

Oh and your comment about the mum having kids for 'money' - thats really not a nice thing to say. I wonder if your step-son picked up on how you feel about his mum and this too could be part of the driving reason he won't come back.

Regardless you need to look at how you can support your step-son in a positive and engaging manner, and make sure your doing it for the right reasons. As he gets older if the truth is that he really does have a woeful,crappy mum and a wonderful step-mum you can be sure he will be smart enough to make decisions with his own two feet.