QLD 14 year old son doesn't want to see dad. Court order in place

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Charliegirl

Active Member
17 July 2017
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0
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Hello everyone

I'm very much in a tight situation, story in a nutshell. My son is 14, I raised him alone till his dad came back into his life at 8 with a partner. He wanted to get to know my son so he went to live with his dad. I've known him for years and know his family well. He had seen my son on and off over the years but I raised him.

Once they got my boy they made contact with me nearly impossible. I took them to court 2years later and won back care. He put an order in place by presenting it to me the day before court. I agreed as I didnt want to delay the court. Basically it said they have the child every second weekend and half the school holidays. Also that I can't move towns.

This order has been in place for 3 years now. My son never wants to go there and I have basically been making him for the whole time. I recently learnt that his dad has been away for work on the majority of the weekends he was meant to be spending with son. Ironically he works in the same town we actually live and has made no attempts to see or contact my son. His wife also has two young children in the picture now. She makes my boy look after then when he is there.

My son had to see a child psychologist when he came back to living with me. The changes caused him some issues. He saw her for close to a year. He is now back seeing her as 3 months ago he flat our refused to see his dad anymore.

I called for mediation and so far it's not working. My boy still refuses to see his dad. I've been advised not to force him to go and that his psychologist will stand up in court and say its detrimental to his mental health if he is forced to go.

I can't afford a lawyer again after $20k for the last case. I can't keep forcing him to go and I'm currently breaching the court orders. I honestly don't know what to do here. I hope that what Ive posted has made enough sense

Thank you in advance
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
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684
2,894
Your son is really old enough to start having these conversations with his father himself. Have you taught him anything about confronting his problems yet?

Look, the Court understands that all kids eventually reach an age where they will start voting with their feet, which is why kids of around 12 years of age and upwards have some fairly significant weight given to their views, so if dad did file for contravention orders, the Court might make orders for the child to spend time with him in accordance with the child's wishes.

Just as an FYI, psychologists aren't considered reliable witnesses generally unless they have worked with both parents and child. A psychologist hired by one parent and who only talks to the child is ordinarily considered a bit biased.

But Court can probably be avoided by talking to your son about what the actual problem is and finding ways that he can resolve issues with his dad.
 

Charliegirl

Active Member
17 July 2017
6
0
31
Thank you for your reply. I have always taught my son to be open with his thoughts and to talk about them. He has explained to his dad that he doesn't see him when he is there to visit. He also told him he shouldn't be a baby sitter for his sisters. I've heard his dads response which was sadly "Look here you little s**t you don't have a choice" that was when he was talking to him on the phone.

My suggestion is that they see each other on school holidays, but not every second weekend anymore. I will put that forward in mediation. I guess I wanted to know of where this could go and if he could be ultimately forced to go. He doesn't want to see him full stop. But I think it's important that he does.


Your son is really old enough to start having these conversations with his father himself. Have you taught him anything about confronting his problems yet?

Look, the Court understands that all kids eventually reach an age where they will start voting with their feet, which is why kids of around 12 years of age and upwards have some fairly significant weight given to their views, so if dad did file for contravention orders, the Court might make orders for the child to spend time with him in accordance with the child's wishes.

Just as an FYI, psychologists aren't considered reliable witnesses generally unless they have worked with both parents and child. A psychologist hired by one parent and who only talks to the child is ordinarily considered a bit biased.

But Court can probably be avoided by talking to your son about what the actual problem is and finding ways that he can resolve issues with his dad.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
5,152
720
2,894
This kid really has been bounced around from parent to parent.... Look, do mediation, offer to keep the current arrangements but request that dad choose to pass on any weekend where he won't be there the majority of the time.

If there is no agreement and you think it necessary cease the fortnightly visits and invite dad to take you to court. Hopefully, he will get some legal advice and realise at 14 the child has considerable weight in determining what happens in his own life and as such dad might realise that it isn't worth the court battle
 

Charliegirl

Active Member
17 July 2017
6
0
31
He really has been bounced around and although he is a tough a smart kid it hasn't been fair. His dad is the type that manages to win everything somehow. He is way behind on child support even though he employed as a fitter and turner. He has managed to be on the dole on and off so as to avoid paying.

I honestly don't understand why he is fighting to see him when he is away working anyway. Why not contact him in the past three years that he has been working in the town where we live? Why put his son through all this and yet have no interest in him. He has never answered a call from me or replied to any text regarding his son. Even when they were about a health issue. I struggle to understand


This kid really has been bounced around from parent to parent.... Look, do mediation, offer to keep the current arrangements but request that dad choose to pass on any weekend where he won't be there the majority of the time.

If there is no agreement and you think it necessary cease the fortnightly visits and invite dad to take you to court. Hopefully, he will get some legal advice and realise at 14 the child has considerable weight in determining what happens in his own life and as such dad might realise that it isn't worth the court battle
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
3,664
684
2,894
My other suggestion is to look into a child-inclusive mediation conference.

Child-inclusive mediation means your son will get to speak to an objective, third-party professional about his feelings and wishes, and that information will be passed on to you and dad to consider when negotiating around changing the care arrangements. It might be a bit of an eye-opener for dad, who probably currently just thinks that you're the leading influence behind all of this.

It might be best to aim for an agreement that enables your son to see his father in accordance with his own wishes, and set him up with a mobile phone so dad can contact him directly. For other kids, I don't usually suggest this as an option, but 14-year-olds are a different kettle of fish because they're already dealing with the challenges of identity and independence, so being subject to Court orders against their will can often cause more harm than good.

Like I said, the Court generally accepts that kids will reach an age where they will vote with their feet. For your son, that time is probably now.
 

Charliegirl

Active Member
17 July 2017
6
0
31
Thank you so much for your advice, I really do appreciate it and will certainly take it onboard.
We add currently in the middle of a child-inclusive mediation process now. I have had my two sessions and they come to my town to talk to my son next.

My son has had a mobile phone for awhile now, his dad has called him perhaps a handful of times. He picked in the Court orders to call him every Tuesday, that has yet to happen in 3 years. I certainly feel for my child


My other suggestion is to look into a child-inclusive mediation conference.

Child-inclusive mediation means your son will get to speak to an objective, third-party professional about his feelings and wishes, and that information will be passed on to you and dad to consider when negotiating around changing the care arrangements. It might be a bit of an eye-opener for dad, who probably currently just thinks that you're the leading influence behind all of this.

It might be best to aim for an agreement that enables your son to see his father in accordance with his own wishes, and set him up with a mobile phone so dad can contact him directly. For other kids, I don't usually suggest this as an option, but 14-year-olds are a different kettle of fish because they're already dealing with the challenges of identity and independence, so being subject to Court orders against their will can often cause more harm than good.

Like I said, the Court generally accepts that kids will reach an age where they will vote with their feet. For your son, that time is probably now.