SA Ex wants 50 percent care

[Kelm19]

My Ex and I have been separated for 4 years.. we have 2 children our youngest has special needs..
It has always been for the last 4 years that I am primary carer and he had them on weekends.
He has never been interested in their schooling, our sons therapies of diagnosis or meeting and of his therapists.
We were completely amicable up until the last few months when he started seeing someone, i openly discussed with him our sons needs in introducing a new presence in his life, this wasnt taken well and it stemmed from there.
Less than a month ago he wanted to only have the kids 3 weekends a month because he needed flexibility and a break for his mental health.
Since then he has been unwilling to discuss anything with the simple statement of we'll talk about that in mediation..
Now suddenly i have received a text message stating he plans to move closer and wants 50/50 care..
Im not sure what to do as I dont want this I dont think it will work for either of our children in particular our son and if he is staying at his current workplace they would be in his girlfriends care not his..
Do i have any grounds to refuse at all as im almost certain its to simply cut down his child support.

 

[AllForHer]

You can refuse if there's no parenting orders, but dad might end up pursuing parenting orders at Court if you don't negotiate an agreement that suits you both.

Every parenting arrangement gets a bit shaken up when a new partner comes on the scene, but I'll share with you the reasons why parents suddenly 'change' when this happens (and it's rarely because of child support): It's because one parent often seems to be calling all the shots, the other just doesn't want to rock the boat, and the new partner says that is an unfair load of rubbish.

And it is.

Now, dad having care of the kids every weekend is not often deemed in the best interests of children by the Court. Legislation points to one of two care arrangements being ideal where the presumption of shared parental responsibility is upheld - equal time first, and substantial and significant time if it's decidedly more appropriate in the circumstances. Substantial and significant time is a combination of weekdays, weekends, holidays and special occasions. The reason for this is because it's best for kids to have both parents participating in the daily grind of the working/school week, as well as the leisurely time together on the weekends, holidays and special occasions.

If dad only has the kids on the weekends, it's not matching either of those legislated arrangements, so dad's probably going to get a better deal if he takes you to Court after you flatly refuse to discuss a change to care arrangements.

I want you to avoid Court, so here are my observations that I hope will provide some perspective about why I think you should hear dad out.

I see absolutely no issue with dad only taking the kids for three weekends instead of four. I can see why dad would want to have a break every fourth weekend, particularly since he has a new partner - you're getting all the leisurely weekend time to yourself, while he doesn't ever get the same opportunity. You can't begrudge him that.

Likewise, you can't complain that he doesn't attend specialist appointments or get involved in schooling or whatever when he's only got them on weekends - not many psychologists hold appointments on Saturdays, do they? It also doesn't reconcile to complain that dad has little to do with those things, but also to complain that he wants more to do with those things as would be inherent in a 50/50 arrangement...

Now, you say you're the primary carer, but if dad has the kids every weekend, that's a shared care arrangement by percentage - if he has them Friday, Saturday and Sunday night, that's nearly equal time, but just not in a fashion that's ordinarily supported by the Court.

Indeed, his care time isn't even being shared with school or day care, so sounds like dad probably knows his kids pretty well by this point, and understands their needs as well as you do, so what makes you think you know better than dad about how to introduce his partner to his kids? What gives you the authority to make that decision?

Correct answer is nothing - dad's time is dad's time, your time is your time. That's the long and short of it, no ifs, buts or maybes.

As I said, you can refuse any change to care arrangements if you want, but dad is probably going to have a lot better luck through the Court, and that's going to cost you the amicability you've enjoyed for the past four years, a lot of emotional stress and anxiety, and potentially many thousands and thousands of dollars. Amicable for four years, nearly equal time anyway, dad moving closer, kids older than four years of age so old enough to cope with equal time - indeed, it doesn't sound like there's any reason why the Court wouldn't consider 50/50...

I strongly suggest being open to the prospect of change, or potentially wind up worse off from the Court.

 

[sydman110]

what a great suggestion by @AllForHer
In my case to avoid court I even agreed for just every saturday morning till evening but still my ex is not happy eventually lead me to apply in court unfortunately..