SA DV and relocation in court

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18 August 2018
Hi there,
I'd like to keep this as short as possible but I am just curious what I may be facing with my situation in a court room.
I ended my relationship with my ex husband about 3 years ago due to domestic violence, his outbursts began to be directed at the 3 children and I had to put an end to it. I attempted to do this as gently as possible, still welcoming the father to participate in school events, spending time with the children when he pleased but unfortunately the more I got on with my life the more I aggravated him and he began spending less and less time with the children regardless of my efforts to continue to encourage phone calls, and additional visits.
The father claims he works too much to spend time with the children other than 1 night a fortnight but is also claiming he will be asking for more care in court, he has no home of his own and is residing with his parents over 60km's away where there is no bedroom let alone beds for the children and he cannot collect the children from school due to his work commitments.
Over the past 2 years he has gone over 12 months without seeing the children on and off because he continues to use the children to cause conflict in front of them, including denigrating me to the children directly. I had to stop care because of the psychological harm he was causing them, this was by his choice also, I attempted many times to negotiate new agreements that may work better for the children's needs and security but he always refused and still throws court at me as a threat. Mediation has also been attempted multiple times and even though he currently has no contact with the children he cancelled the previous FDR appointment, again claiming he is filing for court. Throughout this time the father has also contacted the children's school multiple times making wild accusations about myself and his situation with the children, he stopped being involved in the children's education voluntarily 3 years ago but is kicking and screaming about it. He refuses to discuss what it is exactly he wants though.
I am now in a sticky situation where I need to move interstate for employment and financial reasons as well as for support because where I am now I currently have no one to help me, a dear friend also has a severe illness and is needing some support herself. I have attempted to ask for his permission to relocate or for sole parental responsibility and to create a consent order to be filed with the courts but as usual I have been met with great hostility and flat out refusal to negotiate on an agreement. This is generally how all conversations with him go in regards to any decisions about the children, I think he sees my attempts to contact him as a weakness of some kind and an opportunity to further criticize and belittle me. I have offered him 21 nights of care during school holidays, skype chats, additional care if he wants it, that I will pay for the children's travel costs and I cover 50% of his travel costs. This included of course technicalities to protect the children while in his care and a slow transition of day visits before the move to help the children feel comfortable while in his care again. Would this be unreasonable in court?
I have been advised by two solicitors to just move and be done with it, but that it is a possibility that I run the risk of being forced to relocate back to my hometown if the father ever does choose to eventually apply for court. Would court hearings take place though to hear my case before a relocation order is issued? Or are they just issued without hearing the other parties side?
He is claiming that I don't comply with agreements but I have evidence that this is actually the other way around because I keep everything in writing. My main concern is that I have been placed in positions where I have had to stop contact in order to protect the children from him, but the only reason contact completely discontinued each time is because he refuses to negotiate on any agreements that have been solely to assist the children with their safety and emotional well being. I have suggested writing letters and scheduled phone calls even but he has never followed through with these.
I am also struggling to report the father for r**e, I was aggressively forced into sex with him on 5 occasions but I am very concerned about my children's safety because I know that abuse done do to me does not give grounds to protect the children in DV cases. If I do report him I know I will make matters so much worse for my children. If anyone has any advice on this it would very greatly appreciated.


Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
You have had 2 solicitors tell you to move... Take their advice before you take advise from punters here...

BUT - you asked for sole parental responsibility. How would you go with that one... Seriously, how would you go if someone asked you to relinquish all rights to your own kids? Of course he got hostile, why wouldn't he... See, on one hand your offering 21 nights a year, but on the other you want sole parental responsibility??? so you can change your mind on the 21 nights and he can do stuff all about it.. Sure you're offering to pay travel costs, but once you have sole parental responsibility, if you choose not to let the kids go, he is stuffed.

Sorry, I am having issues with some of the contradictions here.... He only wants one night a fortnight because of work? But is going to court wanting more time?
He wants nothing to do with the kids education? but he contacts the school?

I'm just a punter on a keyboard, but there is lots about the way you write that tells me you just don't want this bloke near his kids.

Is it just as possible that negotiation breaks down because what you're offering he considers unreasonable. I think it is definately unreasonable that when he refuses to accept what you have to offer you stop contact...

But, as you have said 2 solicitors have told you that you can move... So I'm assuming there are no current court orders stopping you from moving... So yep, you can move. He can then apply for a recovery order, but if he hasn't applied to court in 3 yrs, no reason to think he will now, true? And if he did he would have to establish to the court that you should have to move back... Meanwhile you can make your case that you should not have to move back... you get your day in court and if your case is more convincing than his, you win... EASY


18 August 2018
Thank you for your response, an unbiased perspective makes things a little clearer I think.
I hadn't been informed that this was the case with sole parental responsibility, I was under the impression that if consent orders were in place for care that I would still have to abide by them.
The father is very contradicting which makes it very difficult to negotiate any agreements with him.
And you are correct, in a perfect world for me personally, I would like nothing to do with this man ever again but I do very much respect, love and care for my children so I am putting in a lot of effort into trying to make this work without having my own emotions come into things.