NSW Are We Breaching Orders

[stepmum]

Hi,

We have interim consent orders which state that if either party want to take kids out of state 21days notice is given. They also state we have Week about for school holidays. Wednesday night we get a message to state that she has booked flights interstate for this Saturday and she will not be at changeover next Friday until at least 4hrs after the fact as she is not flying back till after changeover time. We booked a weekend away with the kids Months ago which she knew about as we asked if we could pick up kids at 2:30pm instead of 3:10pm as we had quite a long drive and can’t set up in dark. We were told no. Mind you this was asked weeks ago. We are in a dilemma as we don’t want to go without the kids but if we don’t there is no point going. If we don’t go we are letting other kids down. If we do go without them will we be breaching orders not being there 4hrs after ordered changeover time. We don’t know what to do. She doesn’t listen to her lawyer. We asked her if she could change return flight to earlier and told where to go. We asked her to drop kids to us and told same thing.

 

[sammy01]

Mistakes -
1. You ask to pick the kids up a little bit early. Her response - drop them off a little bit late and you told her about this ages ago? So she had time to plan how to screw you over. Sorry. But you are stupid.
2. You organised something from pick up day. Even if you didn't tell her it is a bad idea
3. You asked her to change flights?
4. You asked her to drop kids to us?

Now - I know you don't like what i wrote. But you need to hear it. So Let me give you an example. We do pick up / drop off's at Maccas at Kograh. 35 min from the airport. I sometimes fly after dropping the kids off. If drop off is after about 1pm, I won't fly till the next day just as a precaution and I don't tell the ex ANYTHING unless it is stipulated in the orders.

Just outa interest - Did she give you 21 days notice of intention to travel interstate? and WTF? She is really flying interstate? From where to where? See there is this thing called a PANDEMIC going on...

So she is playing this game sooo much better than you guys. Maybe you're not stupid. Maybe you're just nice decent people. BUT you're fighting here and you're not fighting well.

So she has managed to concoct a scenario where she is gonna breach a little. In doing so you're gonna breach a lot. Now go make a nice cuppa tea, or go for a little walk before you continue reading because I have no doubt you're not liking what i've written so far and you're gonna hate what comes next. But please realise Im well intentioned...

You need to pick these kids up. You need to think long term. How is it gonna look and how is the ex gonna 'PLAY' with the 'fact' that you chose a holiday with the other kids over time with these kids? and how is she gonna fcuk with the kids heads about dad's decision to dump them? She was just a little bit late but you guys couldn't be bothered waiting? Like I said, she breached a little (ok sure - should have told you 21 days and all that) but two wrongs don't make a right.

And - you need to not make a big deal of this... WTF? I know, I know. Virtual hugs, I feel for you. So obviously, your plan here is more time with the kids? Ok, so you've gotta be able to demonstrate to the courts that you can work with mum, problem solve. Not have every mole hill turn into a mountain. (I hate my advice sometimes). But that is how you win... Meanwhile, if the ex can establish that there is high conflict (even if she is causing it) and you guys can't co-parent then a magistrate might well be inclined to think that the kids need to be shielded from these petty sqabbles and make orders accordingly. SHE WINS.

Now - I wan't you to read your post again - TWICE. Get your good reading glasses on and a pencil and paper... Tally up how many times you used the word 'ASKED'. I counted 4 asks... I counted 3 'TOLD'. You ask. She TELLS. So not quite legal advice right now, just some personal experience. You need to train the dragon. You are step-mum? Ask partner about the relationship. You probably already know. She wore the pants and nothing has changed. Court orders cant change that dynamic. You and him have to work on changing the dynamic and you need to be strategic about it... So for the first 3 years I refused any request to divert from the orders. I refused to ask for any divergence from the orders. I wanted her to understand the orders are the boss not her... What you've done here is re-enforce the idea that she is the boss.

Short version - what is more important right now - Getting a good result in court? or having this holiday get away? Now start playing the game better because right now, you're getting your arse kicked by HER and she is loving it...