ADVO - Desperate, please help with any information

[Karma7]

Hi,

For the sake of brevity, I will quickly outline what has happened. I left the house and decided to break up with my ex in July due to her being abusive, she was living with my mother and being financially supported by us up until September. In September she calculatingly invited me to sleep at the house (so I could drive our son to the doctors the next day), she came downstairs, forcefully woke me up at 5AM and started an argument. She was recording this argument via audio on her phone (which to my knowledge is illegal). I told her to 'f*** off' along with other expletives. She left the room after our argument, I slept for another 2 hrs then left the house at 7AM after she said we're not taking him to the doctors anymore. Another 2 hours later my mother calls me mortified that there are cops swarming our house. I came back, co-operated with the police completely, even as they took my son and her away in a cop car (I even gave them the baby car seat from my car). No threats of physical violence, I have no criminal history/record and even she was at least honest enough to tell the cops I've never committed any violence.

I have had the first mention and adjourned the ADVO for legal advice. I am set to return in 3 weeks to give my answer. I want to not consent, not just because this is all a load of crap, but also as this could screw with my WWCC and my background is working in psychology (with vulnerable teenagers). I can't afford lawyers though and legal aid is treating me like I'm a criminal (btw there are NO criminal charges with the ADVO, only the one mandatory order; no stalking, intimidating, etc).

I am ignorant regarding how the law works, but I feel like I have a pretty solid case. I have had free lawyer consultations and they've told me that all she has to prove is that she was scared, the odds are against me. Due to not being able to afford a lawyer, I am considering just representing myself at the hearing. She orchestrated all of this to get fast tracked permanent residency and complete control and leverage over our son. What should I do? Do I even have a fighting chance if I represent myself? This is the worst and most traumatic thing that's ever happened to me and it feels like there's no help available if you're a man.

 

[Dpj]

Dude. Similar thing happened to me. You need to now realise she is trying to screw you and you need to protect yourself to ensure it doesn't affect custody. My ex made up lies, got a FVIIO (I'm in Vic) against me and then proceeded to apply for to the family court for an application. She did so without and Family Dispute Resolution (required by law) by convincing someone in the court system I had kidnapped my kids. So, let me say,you now need to play this for you and your son.

1) do you have evidence of her abuse? I did for my ex. I approached cops seeking an Undertaking (basically accepting other but with no order). I provided enough evidence that cops too out order against her straight away and I got a letter saying they seek DV charges against her.
2) I would research the law regarding her tape recording. It may be inadmissible. If she has no evidence, it is more unlikely cops will go all the way as you can seek costs.
3) my advise was unless there is reputable evidence for order and breaches that family judges see through this stuff.

Is your son on the order? What care of him do you have now? IMO, I'd try and lock some care arrangement in, as much as you can. Most lawyers I dealt with a oen pushes who don't care or understand these cases, issue is judges don't either. So don't expect court system to see through your toxic ex and look after the behavioural needs of your kid.


I had a long road, lots of mistakes, things I did well. But my ex knows I don't accept her abuse,lies, threats and breaches. You have to set boundaries otherwise these abusive personalities will try and walk all over you.


If you can pm me do so as I'd love to have a chat.

 

[Karma7]

Hey mate, feels comforting to know I'm not the only one dealing with this crap. The lawyers I showed this to say it doesn't really look like the police or her have any evidence. They said the courts are reactive though and in her statement she's written s**t like "he's talked about self-harm and I'm worried he will kill me" there is no evidence for any of that, I've never committed or threatened to commit either of those things, but just them hearing that will make them unlikely to drop it.

Well some of the key evidence I have is that she's still been contacting me and my family in regards to 'conciliation' i.e. negotiating custody. She'll let me see my son as long as it's court ordered, I think she's paranoid that since I'm a citizen and she's not that I have some kind of power to stop her from seeing my son if I ever get him again. If you were fearful that someone could 'kill' you, would you try contacting them and negotiating how you'll let them see your kids? She's basically described me like I'm Hannibal Lecter in her statement. One other piece of evidence I have (which I'm not sure if it's relevant or not) is that the police screwed up at the first mention (I think), and gave me a photocopy of her original statement with her new address on it. If I'm some deranged maniac, wouldn't I have gone there and done something by now? It's all total BS and I'm sorry for anyone else who's reading this that's in the same boat that I'm in.

My advice in NSW was that the courts are reactive, and that the courts will just hear scary things like "kill, self-harm, etc" and then be more inclined to not drop the AVDO even if there's no evidence. That she doesn't have to prove much, only that she was 'fearful'
I haven't seen my son for over a month, and yes he is on the order. She wants to do a 'conciliation', but I don't know how to go about this and I'm afraid to even contact her or have my family reply since she can just scream "harassment" and then I can be screwed with breaching the AVDO.

Tomorrow is the adjourned mention where I plan to say I contest the AVDO, then I will represent myself when the hearing comes around. Lawyers here have quoted me up to 15k, which is a lot of money for me, and are trying to bleed me dry. In NSW AVDO defendants don't get a Legal Aid lawyer even if it's a civic matter, I'm being treated like I'm some guilty criminal. Never committed a crime in my life.
I tried to meet with the DVLO at the police station to negotiate an undertaking, but they weren't interested. The police said I would have to use a lawyer to do that, not sure how true that is. Thanks for reaching out mate, will PM you now.
I am not optimistic that I'll win, especially self-represented. I haven't really done anything though apart from telling her to "f**ck off" though after she physically assaulted me (grabbed my leg forcefully to force me to speak with her after I woke up and ignored her), also no property damage or any evidence of threats etc.

I'm currently without a job and on Centrelink benefits and this civil AVDO makes it so I won't continue my psychology studies/career unless it's dropped, since I don't want to invest in further student loans only to be met with "Sorry you didn't pass the WWCC, you can't work" - a lawyer told me this would be a solid point, as the courts don't want to create unemployed men on Centrelink. Only brightside to this is that she's only getting $17 child support a fortnight as a result of this, which is a lot less than what I was giving her even after we broke up, hope it was worth it. She's informed me that she wants to drop the AVDO, but she's afraid she'll get into trouble. Some f**kwit on some Facebook group is feeding her this information, she's also in some women's group too that convinced her to do this s**t to me and educated her on terms like "financial abuse" and "parental alienation" no way she knew those terms with her level of broken English. I will never cohabitate with any woman again after this

 

[Dpj]

You are your lawyer. Have you met with the prosecutors? Asked them? $15k sound bs. Most lawyers want to negotiate an outcome and with no evidence not sure why prosecutors want to follow through. Anyway, I'll pm you