Hi just need sone general guidance.
I moved out from where I was living with my ex (while separated under one roof) late last year due to escalating conflict, manipulation and felt unsafe for me, and affecting my mental health. Ex has 2 children aged 11 and 12 with his ex-wife. They currently are in an extremely acrimonious custody dispute in family court (issues of serious mental illness, DV, coaching/manipulation of the kids, physical abuse of the kids by their mother). I have been a strong part of the kids lives since they were 5 and 6. Have been in contact with them via my ex a few times since moving out but trying to distance myself right now for their benefit and my own. Their mum never wanted me to be part of their lives and will fight against me staying in contact with them. She has already subpoened my police records, but I am not a party to the custody case. Ex may or may not support me staying in their lives dependent on whether it will serve his goals at any given moment (he is currently strongly encouraging it) This feels time-sensitive as the family court situation seems to be ramping up but I don't know current details. Have told the kids in the past that I will always be here for them but at this point I if I retain contact it may not be in their best interest. I can see how I can be and probably am already being weaponised in court on several levels, and can imagine the interrogation/manipulation of the kids from both parents if I am able to retain contact. I just want the kids to know I love them and here for them if they want it, but they are already being fed a lot of confusing toxic stuff that may worsen if I stay in the picture and I worry about their mental and emotional wellbeing. I have tried to be a neutral adult in their lives and always made sure they know my love for them is not contingent on my relationship with their dad.
Am considering mediation with my ex as he offered it, to work out a regular contact schedule with the kids (I envision once or twice a month for a few hours) but don't know if I should just step away to avoid complicating the situation. I want what's best for the kids, and don't want staying in contact with me to make their lives more difficult, but also don't wan them to feel I have abandoned them. I feel like I will continue to be weaponised some way or another in this whatever I do so feels like lose-lose. Need some perspective asap this is emotionally killing me.
I moved out from where I was living with my ex (while separated under one roof) late last year due to escalating conflict, manipulation and felt unsafe for me, and affecting my mental health. Ex has 2 children aged 11 and 12 with his ex-wife. They currently are in an extremely acrimonious custody dispute in family court (issues of serious mental illness, DV, coaching/manipulation of the kids, physical abuse of the kids by their mother). I have been a strong part of the kids lives since they were 5 and 6. Have been in contact with them via my ex a few times since moving out but trying to distance myself right now for their benefit and my own. Their mum never wanted me to be part of their lives and will fight against me staying in contact with them. She has already subpoened my police records, but I am not a party to the custody case. Ex may or may not support me staying in their lives dependent on whether it will serve his goals at any given moment (he is currently strongly encouraging it) This feels time-sensitive as the family court situation seems to be ramping up but I don't know current details. Have told the kids in the past that I will always be here for them but at this point I if I retain contact it may not be in their best interest. I can see how I can be and probably am already being weaponised in court on several levels, and can imagine the interrogation/manipulation of the kids from both parents if I am able to retain contact. I just want the kids to know I love them and here for them if they want it, but they are already being fed a lot of confusing toxic stuff that may worsen if I stay in the picture and I worry about their mental and emotional wellbeing. I have tried to be a neutral adult in their lives and always made sure they know my love for them is not contingent on my relationship with their dad.
Am considering mediation with my ex as he offered it, to work out a regular contact schedule with the kids (I envision once or twice a month for a few hours) but don't know if I should just step away to avoid complicating the situation. I want what's best for the kids, and don't want staying in contact with me to make their lives more difficult, but also don't wan them to feel I have abandoned them. I feel like I will continue to be weaponised some way or another in this whatever I do so feels like lose-lose. Need some perspective asap this is emotionally killing me.
