It may help, a bit, to know this...
You're not suddenly a criminal because you're on the receiving end of an IVO/AVO etc.
It's not an offence to be restrained by such an Order - it's only an offence to breach it once it's made.
Truth be, unless your job relies on you disclosing the order, there isn't even any need to talk about it.
All you have to do is not do any of the things.... that you were not going to do anyway.
Now, I am not clinical at all, so in this next bit,
I am semi-talking out of my... hat.
But, try this for size:
What's might (very, very might) be happening in your head is
a mix of resentment, fear, and grief. And, a big dose of embarrassment.
You're going by "countryboy"...
So I'm now wondering if maybe you come from one of those communities
where everybody knows everybody's business, and where,
if they don't have all the facts, they fill in the gaps by making sh!t up.
That may not be helping either.
Many, many, men find complex mixes of strong feelings very, very difficult to deal with.
This difficulty often articulates as anger - anger that can in turn lead to either breaches of an Order,
or to other offences, not limited to DV.
Or (or sometimes, or and also).... it can show up as a deep, reactive, self-defensive introversion
that looks and feels like depression.
Reach out if you need to.