VIC IVO conditions clarification

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Countryboy

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12 June 2021
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Thanks for the warnings Sammy01.

Thanks Atticus. It is like reconciling is the only way to hopefully have it removed for good. However, my job is not letting that thought deciding if I want to get back.

I am feeling very bad (depressed) knowing this order could potentially haunt me for life.
 

Tim W

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28 April 2014
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It may help, a bit, to know this...

You're not suddenly a criminal because you're on the receiving end of an IVO/AVO etc.
It's not an offence to be restrained by such an Order - it's only an offence to breach it once it's made.
Truth be, unless your job relies on you disclosing the order, there isn't even any need to talk about it.
All you have to do is not do any of the things.... that you were not going to do anyway.

Now, I am not clinical at all, so in this next bit,
I am semi-talking out of my... hat.
But, try this for size:

What's might (very, very might) be happening in your head is
a mix of resentment, fear, and grief. And, a big dose of embarrassment.

You're going by "countryboy"...
So I'm now wondering if maybe you come from one of those communities
where everybody knows everybody's business, and where,
if they don't have all the facts, they fill in the gaps by making sh!t up.
That may not be helping either.

Many, many, men find complex mixes of strong feelings very, very difficult to deal with.
This difficulty often articulates as anger - anger that can in turn lead to either breaches of an Order,
or to other offences, not limited to DV.
Or (or sometimes, or and also).... it can show up as a deep, reactive, self-defensive introversion
that looks and feels like depression.

Reach out if you need to.
 
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Countryboy

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12 June 2021
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Your comments and cares are above and beyond. Thank you Tim.

I have discussed with my GP to organise an MHCP. Seeing a psychologist soon to get some support and rebuild my mental capacity and life.

Firstly, this order is making communication and reconciliation extremely difficult. As you mentioned, it is not the Police's interest to make it easy.
My wife has no ideas that she is allowed to apply for varying or removing it. She tried to reduce the conditions but the Police rejected it so she thought there was nothing else she could do.
I do not think I can let her know her rights neither. This could be illegal.

Secondly, if the order lasts forever it will affect the respondent's life in many ways.
I.e. Considering 5 yrs later, when hanging out with my friends in a shopping mall I face her within a few meters. What will happen? Will I need to run off?

It is difficult for me to accept that I have little chance to have the order revoked even if we part ways.
 

Atticus

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6 February 2019
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My wife has no ideas that she is allowed to apply for varying or removing it. She tried to reduce the conditions but the Police rejected it so she thought there was nothing else she could do.
I do not think I can let her know her rights neither. This could be illegal.
Given that she is wanting to look at a reconciliation, your best approach is probably to call a marriage guidance counselor, explain the situation & provide a copy of the IVO & section that allows you to arrange & participate in counseling together.

The counselor will in turn contact her to discuss if she wishes to participate.. If she doe's then an appointment can be made. First topic of discussion would obviously have to be seeking to revoke the IVO or at least vary it's terms... Can't really work towards reconciling if you can't communicate outside of mediation or participate in set exercises.

For example, an IVO could be varied to just a single direction to not commit family violence, & this time with an end date.
 
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Tim W

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MHCP?
< nods >
Yeah, good choice.
 
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Countryboy

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12 June 2021
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Given that she is wanting to look at a reconciliation, your best approach is probably to call a marriage guidance counselor, explain the situation & provide a copy of the IVO & section that allows you to arrange & participate in counseling together.

The counselor will in turn contact her to discuss if she wishes to participate..Can't really work towards reconciling if you can't communicate outside of mediation or participate in set exercises.
Absolutely. It is getting nowhere without communication. I have called a counsellor and arrange the first meeting with them to discuss the matter. Thank you for your valuable advice.

First topic of discussion would obviously have to be seeking to revoke the IVO or at least vary it's terms...

For example, an IVO could be varied to just a single direction to not commit family violence, & this time with an end date.
Is this legal? Am I allowed to discuss this matter with her?
 

Atticus

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6 February 2019
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Is this legal? Am I allowed to discuss this matter with her?
In mediation yes... The counselor may raise it with her in private first to see if she is comfortable discussing it.... Impossible to move toward reconciliation till a plan is put in place to have it dealt with.
 
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Tim W

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Is this legal? Am I allowed to discuss this matter with her?
At present, only through her lawyer.
Because that's what the order requires.
 
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Countryboy

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12 June 2021
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(c) communicate with a protected person through a lawyer or mediator; or
(d) arrange and/or participate in counselling or mediation; or
So my understanding is
  • FVIO matter discussion or general communication = Through a lawyer (her lawyer) only. And because she does not have a lawyer, period. There is nothing I can do.
  • General communication = through a lawyer or mediator only
  • Relationship matter = counselling or mediation = Through a counsellor or mediator
Is this correct?
 

Atticus

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6 February 2019
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I think you are over thinking it now .... The IVO allows communication as per (c) & (d)

There is nothing in the order that says what subjects can be discussed or a restriction on what can be discussed. The only requirement is that it involves a lawyer, mediator or counselor..
If your wife & counselor are okay with it then there is no breach & nothing illegal...

As I said, I imagine the counselor will want to check with your wife first any topic for discussion. That's normal practice in counseling anyway.
 
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