QLD Family Law Help - Narcissistic Ex Using Children Against Me?

[Thenarcisistsprey]

I have a very messy matter regarding family law and children.

I need to find a really good lawyer. Not someone who will have a junior lawyer or secretary do all the work and just skim over things but I’m after someone extensively experienced in exposing the evilest and manipulative narcissist/sociopath.

My ex uses the children to get back at me. Blames me for absolutely everything that goes wrong. Believes he and his “bloodline” are superior to everyone else on the planet. Refers to our children as “his” children. Treats them as though they are possessions and has done some unspeakable manipulation to gain primary custody and alienate me from their lives.

I have in the past been too naive and trusting as I am more an empath and he plays on this. He will often attempt to make me seem crazy. He will do anything to hurt me even if it’s at the expense of our children. He can’t handle losing and in his mind, it’s all a game. He plays the victim so well and can be very charming, cunning and manipulating. He’s caused a co-dependency thing with one of our children. And has caused some enormous mental health issues in her. He’s against her receiving psychological help and has gone so far as to lie and interfere with her treatment.

I need someone quick-witted and ruthless and someone preferably who has experience in making people like him come uncovered and is seen for what they really are. If such a lawyer exists.

 

[Alert]

Hello, reading your post sounds so familiar with what I’ve experienced.

You want a lawyer to expose this?

What I had was a forensic psychiatric report.
This was paid for by myself, I can’t recall what the cost was.
I also had a forensic psychologist family report, this I paid for also and can’t recall the cost.
Are you prepared for family court again, as I feel this is the only way you will have the opportunity to ask for the reports to be ordered?

If you do return to court, I strongly suggest you push for the reports I mentioned and I strongly suggest have a professional who works in the fields I have mentioned, if you want this find experienced professional people.

What you have explained is the typical psychopath. They find someone who is not a psychopath and they copy their traits, this helps, as people perceive them as having feelings, etc.

They fake everything, they have no feelings towards anyone. They copy people’s feelings so they know how to ‘act’, this is true.

I do believe you. They can almost convince anyone!!

In the meantime, keep on top of everything, absolutely everything.

Do not mention to him what you believe to be true, this could be detrimental towards yourself and children.
Do not mention anything about yourself, if he asks you questions don’t give him the answer he wants to hear.
He will prey on every word you say and twist it around, then you will find yourself defending something that wasn’t said.
Don’t get caught being recorded, he will try and use everything.

I know, you know what you are dealing with, so try and think like him, this may sound hard, it’s not when you know what you’re dealing with. I’m not saying be like him, just think like him.
He will bring himself undone, this is why I say keep on top of it all.

Also, this is a ‘game’ for him, and he will try and win at any cost.

If and when you talk, let him do the talking, don’t give him anything, I’ll let you know that I use to wear sunglasses anytime and anywhere I knew I would see him, that annoyed him so much as he couldn’t see my eyes, I didn’t talk to him either. Don’t let him know how you are feeling or thinking any time of the day, don’t give him any part of you, remember he is playing a game.

I want you to know also, their game becomes way too easy for you. Don’t be vulnerable to him. Stay calm.

I know all this unfortunately too well.

 

[nat 2015]

I am in the same boat, don't get me wrong, men and women can be just as crazy as each other, unfortunately my ex plays ways to many games also, this has affected me so much, what keeps me going are the children, narcs are good liars to, they are 2 faced and very cunning.

But I have been told by a lot of folk on here, that mental illness is prevalent in the family courts, unfortunately, in some cases, I have read, the loving and caring parent often loses to the unstable parent.

Good luck

 

[Alert]

Nat I totally agree that men and women can be just as crazy as one another, I should have not only focused on men, the reason I did is because the post was talking about a male.
I hope you weren’t offended by my post.
I do agree with everything you said in your post.
Cheers

 

[sammy01]

OR stop making your family law case about proving the ex is a nutter / narc / borderline / liar / swinger or anything else and focus on the law. The law assumes it is in the best interest of the kids to have a meaningful relationship with both parents. Focus on establishing why the kids should spend time with you and what a great parent you are. Don't waste you're time proving the ex is this or that.... Simple

 

[Alert]

OR stop making your family law case about proving the ex is a nutter / narc / borderline / liar / swinger or anything else and focus on the law. The law assumes it is in the best interest of the kids to have a meaningful relationship with both parents. Focus on establishing why the kids should spend time with you and what a great parent you are. Don't waste you're time proving the ex is this or that.... Simple

Sammy01, maybe, just maybe this will prove the x is not fit for ‘the best interest of the children’. This is what I needed to do for proof. The reports etc etc.

 

[nat 2015]

Nat I totally agree that men and women can be just as crazy as one another, I should have not only focused on men, the reason I did is because the post was talking about a male.
I hope you weren’t offended by my post.
I do agree with everything you said in your post.
Cheers

My ex is a male too, I just wanted to say both sexes can be. No offense taken at all.

 

[sammy01]

So your ex is a narc- according to YOU. You are not a psychologist. But lets pretend. So a court ordered psychologist establishes that dad has some personality disorder. SWEET. U'm no, see that alone ain't gonna grant you sole parental responsibility OR minimise the time dad has with the kids OR what ever you're trying to achieve.

If dad has a criminal record, not just drink drive and a drug charge back when he was at uni... But repeat offences, drink driving while the case of beer is restrained in the baby capsule while the baby sits on dad's lap when he got pulled over.... Twice in the one night. Dad trying to sell one of the kids on ebay.. Sexual assault of a minor. Do any of them apply, or similar apply?

Recpectfuly, but none the less bluntly - that ain't how it works.

Now I don't like any of my advice from here on... So if you have a huge pile of money, you can continually refuse to provide access to dad to see the kids. Insist on drug tests, supervised visits, psychologist reports etc etc. Make it impossible for dad to see the kids and if he runs out of money to continue fighting this in court he will give up. You will win. But I don't like that story that story is about money winning over anything else....

So back to the advice I like giving..

Again, respectfully, but none the less bluntly - If you try to minimise contact because you think the ex is a narc, well you're gonna come across as one on those parents intent on alienating the kids from dad and the courts really don't like that.

Again, respectfully, but none the less bluntly - I'm one of those dad's that was accused of this and that. AVO - alcoholism - depression - (back before Narc and borderline were buzz words) and to be honest - it was kinda true. My ex drove me to drink, I had depression, but to be fair, living with my ex wasn't really a reason to be happy and regretfully because it was a toxic relationship every once in a while my foot found its way into a wall and a few coffee cups got injured which lead to an avo and I definitely used / abused alcohol to deal with a very unhappy marriage. Not proud but we live and we learn. BUT - BUT my kids now live 90% of the time with me. AND we never ever found ourselves in court, except for the avo... BUT as far as family law goes, she was intent on moving 8 hours away back to her home town and she was taking the kids. She tried to use the mental health card - I was depressed I'm an alcoholic to justify removing me from the kids lives. IT FAILED. She gave up before we even got to the first court date. Truth be told, back then I was both those things. But I could still pull my s**t together to be a parent. Sometimes not the best parent. But again, I live and I learn...

So that is my advice based on personal experience of the legal system.

The next part of my advice is based on my understanding of the law -
Here is a long version if you're interested in the nitty gritty of the law
The best interests principle | ALRC
This is a more concise explanation
Best Interests of the Child | Family and Divorce Lawyers
Pay attention to the "additional considerations" bit - Especially
"If the parents are able and willing to facilitate and encourage a proper relationship between the child and the other parent."


Recpectfuly, but none the less bluntly. So sure your ex is a narc or an f-wit or something else But there is nothing in the legislation that means that is a problem. Not unless, like I said earlier he has an established criminal history of child abuse / neglect.... But the legislation will look at your ability to facilitate and encourage a proper relationship... Now all punters can go off here is the information you provide. SO assuming he hasn't tried to see the kids into slavery in a Nike factory, or tried to sell them on ebay, or committed acts of violence that the courts have sentenced him for? then you're barking up the wrong tree.

Again, respectfully, but note the less bluntly feel free to ignore my advice - And I wish you well regardless of how you choose to approach this. But finding a solicitor that will prove to the magistrate that your ex is this that or Santa is not gonna help your case. What will help your case is proving that you're the best person for the job when it comes to primary care because there is no chance that you're gonna convince a court that dad should not spend time with his kids... U'm - If he has tried to sell the kids on ebay - then ignore everything above.

 

[Alert]

Sammy01, I think I may have told you this? My x was given a psych report, borderline personality.
This was huge when it came to the best interest of the children.
Even though I wanted supervised contact, as I wanted the children to have some sort of contact, both reports did not favour the father to have the best interest of the children because of safety reasons.
I guess all cases are different though. I won’t go into all of the issues, but the reports did not favour the children spending quality time.

 

[sammy01]

Hey alert. I agree mate. A mental health diagnosis alone won't cut it...
I respect your privacy so I won't ask u to go into the details. I can read between the lines well enough to assume it must have been more than a few bad parenting decisions for the courts to make the call that dad should not spend any time with the kids. I do think that is the exception not the norm.