NSW Ex refused mediation

Discussion in 'Family Law Forum' started by Rick O'Shay, 3 November 2017.

  1. Rick O'Shay

    Rick O'Shay Well-Known Member

    9 May 2015
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    Ex and I have never had anything in writing in regards to the care of our 6 year old daughter.
    Ex tends to threaten me with less time with my daughter if I don't do what she says or question what she does.
    Decided it is time to have a parenting order in place that would give me some protection against these threats and provide more structure for my daughter.Attended Relationships Australia in order to commence the process of me and my ex coming to an agreement with a parenting plan.
    Ex completely ignored all requests to attend therefore refusing mediation and refusing to have anything in writing regarding the care of our daughter.
    I am now receiving a section 60I Certificate.
    Can my ex continue to prevent anything being in writing by just ignoring every attempt to engage her?
    If I went to a lawyer and paid a heap of money I don't have for them to create a parenting plan can she then just ignore that as well? Can she just sit there doing nothing,saying nothing and being ignorant towards parenting plans until I become rich and can afford court?
    At which point does it become impossible for her to ignore a simple request for the creation of a parenting plan?
    I have been contemplating going to a lawyer,creating a consent order,having that sent to her (her lawyer ) and then sitting by after spending all that money to do that watching her simply just do nothing again.
  2. AllForHer

    AllForHer Well-Known Member

    23 July 2014
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    Okay, none of the avenues you've mentioned have any real force, nor do they provide any motivation for mum to actually behave.

    The only avenue that does have force and will motivate your ex is Court. If proceedings are ignored as mediation was, then the matter proceeds undefended and orders will be made in her absence.

    Look, you don't need money or even a lawyer to at least start proceedings. Learn a little bit about self representation, write a minute of orders and an affidavit to support your case, have a meeting with Legal Aid so they can give you some guidance on the paperwork, then file an initiating application with the FCCA yourself.

    If you are unlucky enough to be in the 5% that actually has to go to trial instead of the 95% that end up settling by consent, you don't have to engage a solicitor until the trial date is set, or even at all if you don't want. There are plenty of resources around to help you with self representation, and some firms (including one on here) will help self-represented litigants on an ad hoc basis.

    If mum has been letting you see the kid, there's no reason why the Court won't allow that to continue, so what do you have to lose?
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Migz likes this.
  3. Migz

    Migz Well-Known Member

    20 November 2016
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    OK first things first, don't worry about lawyering up just yet, you'll just blow good hard earned cash. Plus your first 2 or 3 court appearances you will be infront of a judge a total of 15 minutes max... 2 or 3 court appearances will cost you inexcess of $15,000... thats a grand a minute for time you are infront of the judge... your first 2 or 3 appearances are entirely based on your paperwork. THATS IT PAPERWORK.

    To answer your question "can your ex just keep ignoring you?" YES, she can, and by doing so you are immediately classed as "High Conflict" in the Family Courts eyes... complete and utter crap I know but hey thats the system. You are about to be royally screwed over in more ways than you can imagine, and why? Because you want to be apart of your childs life, yet Mum has other ideas. So where to from here... forget your parenting plan, they're just a joke, forget your consent orders, she won't sign them... it's off to court for you champ. Here's how it works;

    Heres how it works;
    1. Contact Relationships Australia in your township or nearest town. (DONE)
    2.Tell them you would like to carry out Mediation in the hope of working out a "Parenting Plan" with your ex. Hand over all of their details as well. (DONE)
    3. Carry out mediation and make sure you are issued with a Certificate 60i. Even if mediation fails, get this certificate issued to you. (DONE)
    4. Even if you were or weren't successful in carrying out mediation...next step is Family Circuit Court to turn the parenting plan into court orders.
    5. Go to the federal circuit court website, download an "Initiating application ( family law ) " fill it in. Write up very detailed "interim" and "final" orders, this is a must. Create your commsportal account, as you will be submitting and receiving all your information via this. Make sure you tick the box on the commsportal "email notification"
    6. Prepare your Affidavit, your Annexures, and your "Notice of Risk". I would advise you see a family lawyer at this point for an hour or two just to get some help. Cost $200 to $600
    7. Get it signed by a JP.
    8. File it with the Family Circuit Court via the commsportal you can do this online as well it will cost a few hundred dollars. But cheaper than a Barrister.
    9. When the documents are RED stamped by the Family Circuit Court and you are given your court date. Then print them all out.
    10. You have to "serve" them on your ex. You will have to use an outside firm to do this you cannot do it yourself. Approx $150
    11. Wait for your first court date to come around.

    Hope this helps and keeps the costs down.

    Get ready for a long and drawn out process...and thousands of hours away from your kids, not by your own choice.


    Take a look at this link as well, Allforher has some good advice as well.

    NSW - Single fathers right to see his daughter
  4. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

    27 September 2015
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    Two choices... None of them great... Just accept the situation...So before I go any further, what sort of time are you having with the child? how long since separation? has asset division been done? how long were you guys together.

    So IF you're getting reasonable access to the kid. Not as much as you like but enough... Is it really worth it? So I'm assuming things are pretty recent??? When relationships end, there is lots of uncertainty and mis-trust... Mate my ex was the same but after a few years things settled down... (MOSTLY) but every once in a while she would pull some new crazy stuff... She started making medical appointments every Wednesday - my mid week night with the kids. Now I had consent orders, it still didn't stop this form of stupidity... Sometimes she would attend the appointment with me, sometimes she would not... But my point is this - nothing stamped by a court can make an unreasonable person become reasonable.

    Take the advice above - apply to court and self represent... So do something about the situation... But some thoughts... It could make things worse - at least in the short term. So before you do this - I encourage you to get a diary... Get an established track record of time with the kid. Have it all documented... So at the minute what is happening? are you having half school holidays? So this brings me back to doing nothing... Suck it up and accept it... Be nice as pie. And once you have 6 months of established time with the child and where you have had no arguments with her (because you must refuse to argue - just say YES). Then apply to court for more time with the kid and a clear set of rules about how stuff happens.

    BUT realise this... The system is not broke - It is pretty close BUT if one person wants to be a twit, no court can fix that...

    "At which point does it become impossible for her to ignore a simple request for the creation of a parenting plan?" There is no clear answer.. Sometimes never and a judge has to do it... But in my experience - the point is when the alternative became worse... So in my case, I was paying child support, the mortgage on a house she was in and I was not allowed to go near because of an AVO... I was paying the child care, the rates, her car loan and rent on my new place, so I could have a roof over my head... The lot... And she would not let me see the kids. She refused to mediate... She refused to respond to my very expensive letters from very expensive solicitors.... Then I stopped paying the loans, home loan, car loan etc etc... She was on the phone to my solicitor within 2 days and all of a sudden she was prepared to discuss me seeing the kids, as long as I didn't let the bank take the house... Moral to the story... She will agree to consent orders, when the alternative is worse... You need to work out how to make that happen and if applying to court is the only way then do it.... Mate even with court applications, only about 5% of cases actually go to a full trial. Most people come to an agreement along the way.
  5. Mark Tee Kay

    Mark Tee Kay Well-Known Member

    1 January 2019
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    I’m surprised I didn’t spot this thread earlier, some fantastic info and I’m not even the OP. Thanks to all who contributed sammy01 your post really helped me understand and also you Migz shout outs to you both!

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