NSW What would you do if you were in this situation?

Discussion in 'Family Law Forum' started by Rick O'Shay, 14 October 2018.

  1. Rick O'Shay

    Rick O'Shay Well-Known Member

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    Ex never attended mediation at relationships Australia (section 60i granted)
    Ex never attended mediation requested by a lawyer (ignored correspondence until the due date set)
    Ex advised lawyer in writing that we would work on a parenting plan together (stalling tactic)
    Ex advised me she would offer 7 days a fortnight (shared care)
    Asked Ex to put this in writing with parenting plan addressing all points
    Ex did not wish to negotiate on one point regarding child going to private school not being suitable for me in both affordability and religion beliefs.
    Ex withdrew all offers of 7 days (shared care) and now is giving 3 nights a fortnight.

    What would you do?
     
  2. Rod

    Rod Well-Known Member
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    Go to court.

    I don't think the ex ever intended to offer 7 days and have it work. The ex was after a small detail to delay yet again and found it.

    Go to court now, stop wasting money attempting to negotiate yet again with someone who, from your post, has no intention of negotiating and wanting to give you much access.

    Depending on the ex's level of deviousness, the ex may just be wanting to waste your lawyers dollars so you give up a lawyer due to a lack of money before court hearings start.

    I'd start the ball rolling on court now. It is a long slow process.
     
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  3. Rick O'Shay

    Rick O'Shay Well-Known Member

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    What does a good result from court look like as opposed to my current arrangements?
    Is it possible for a consent order to be made up by me and submitted to the court which would then force her to acknowledge it and respond to it and challenge it the legal way?
     
  4. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    Agree to the private school. Try to negotiate around it.
    You agree to private school IF she agrees that she is liable for the fees as it is your preference the kid goes to public school. Haggle. Do the math. 50/50 care means you'll get some family tax benefit (possibly) You'll pay less child support (assuming you pay). Factor in $15 000 in court costs for solicitors as a minumum. Mate if she haggles you to paying 30% of school fees I reckon unless you're talking one of the absolute elite private schools you're still better off.

    Chance of 50/50 in court? unpredictable. So money spent, stress, grief with no certainty...
    Agreeing to 50/50 even if it means forking out money for a private school. Well big picture, still a win for you.

    Try - she will disagree and find something else to mess you around on... But try anyways.
    Then apply to court - self represent through most of it using this site for help...

    Human nature. People only change when the alternative to the current path is WORSE - not better. You need to give her an alternative that is worse than the current situation... That alternative? a judge telling her when she will see her kid. Now that doesn't have to happen. But the threat of it is worth the $$$$ so make the court application. Do it yourself. Have her served. Courts will make you mediate again anyways. But the pressure of a worse alternative to the current set of arrangements will be enough to cause her to reconsider how she is playing the game.
    So Rod is right - apply to court and in the meantime do your best to get her to play nice.
     
  5. Rick O'Shay

    Rick O'Shay Well-Known Member

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    I did mention keeping child in private school but she pay as I fully support public school, the answer? No. She’s not changing schools.
     
  6. Rod

    Rod Well-Known Member
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    What you should do is really really hard for someone to say in your situation.

    What Sammy says makes a lot of sense.

    If you are paying a lot in child support, going 50/50 helps you financially pay for private school. If you are unemployed and can't afford private school, then you take the matter through court.

    Either stop negotiating and see the kids when you can, or go to court.

    Is the ex playing hard ball on parenting, related to a property split?
     
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  7. Rick O'Shay

    Rick O'Shay Well-Known Member

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    Each time I have approached the CSA after receiving endless messages from the ex about me not paying her money the CSA always says I owe her nothing due to how much she earns (double the amount I do).
    I offer to pay for things the child needs but she refuses in favour of weekly(under the table) payments and that I should ignore the CSA and do what's right and pay up.
    So I guess she attempted to gain financially another way by offering me shared care and all associated costs however the private religious schooling became the point of disagreement.
     
  8. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    sweet. Agree to 50/50 with her nominated school. Haggle hard for less than half of all school costs. Make the court application to apply pressure.
    mate if she earns double what you do then IF you get 50/50 the day you get stamped consent orders call CSA and let them collect child support on your behalf. Use the child support and the family tax benefit to cover your school fees. Perfect HELL NO... but not a bad solution.

    Start with that. Get back to us if that doesn't work. BTW how much are you paying her? How much has CSA assessed you have to pay? How old is the kid?

    See my thinking has always been to pay a bit more, to keep things sweet. But when I was in your situation I paid extra and got lemons. NOT SWEET. Comparision. You go to a restaurant. The waitress is delightful, respectful and a little cute too. The food is great, facilities clean. Do you leave a tip? hell yes... OR the waitress is a man, dressed like a waitress (all apologies if that is your thing - strange world...) he uses your full beer bottle as his ashtray as he walks past. Over-charges for the meal that looked and tasted like dog food. Do you leave a tip? Now apply that logic to you paying HER more than child support says you should pay....
     
  9. Rod

    Rod Well-Known Member
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    Interesting. Maybe you should go for 10 nights/ft, and let her have 4! Might give her pause for thought if she sees losing some access, and has to pay child support. Hmm, even throw in spousal maintenance if you have any kind of special needs.

    You may need to go on the offensive rather than playing defense just to end up with 50/50. If you say 50/50, she says 80/20, you might end up somewhere between the two. If you go 80/20, she goes 80/20, then you might end up closer to 50/50. The courts don't operate that way, but it is often how people negotiate. At court you show why you are much better at caring for the kids and it pressure of her work that doesn't allow her the time to care for the kids. But don't denigrate the ex. You need to demonstrate you can and will co-parent. You can claim she isn't willing to co-parent if she is withholding the kids at the moment.

    Get requests to see the kids in writing. Adds to your claims when you get to court.

    How old are the kids?

    Edit update: Just read Sammy's post. I like it better as a first preference.
     
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  10. Rick O'Shay

    Rick O'Shay Well-Known Member

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    Ok so I’m thinking we tried to do a parent plan/consent order but she rejected it. How does it work if I decided to send the parenting plan/consent order to court without her approval?
     
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