QLD Divorce - Should I Leave the Family Home?

[Ange34]

My husband and I are experiencing relationship issues. I need time to work all this out but he wants me to make a decision now.

I have heard that not only does he have no right to ask me to leave the family home with the kids but also, if I did so, I would be in a worse situation should we divorce in the future. I was wondering why?

Thank you

 

[sammy01]

He has every right to ask you to leave.... You can do the same to him... Doesn't mean you actually have to leave...

So in some respects - ownership is 9/10's of the law.

So you leave with the kids - until an agreement is in place or court orders you can dictate the terms around when he can see the kids. You leave the house same deal as far as being able to dictate rules...

One other advantage is that white goods etc are valued at 'garage sale value'. So you leave and have to buy new stuff, costs lots. He gets to keep the old stuff and have it valued as dirt cheap when it comes to working out what it is worth for asset values...

But - the house can also become a burden... My ex kicked me out. She stayed in the house with the kids. Would not let me see them... Refused to negotiate about anything. So I'm paying the mortgage, child support, rent and solicitors to try and sort this mess. I also took all our savings and spent it on furnishing my new rental place (she didn't like that)... But things got nasty.... I stopped paying the mortgage as she would not let me have any of my belongings and frankly, paying mortgage, rent, child support health insurance for the family child care costs etc etc (she was unemployed) was leaving me with not enough money for food....

So the house became a burden to her as the bank was threatening to foreclose. She could not afford the repayments. And all of a sudden the only avenue she had to save the house was me and I had no interest in playing nice as I had not seen the kids for a few months (because of her).. So can you see how the house had become a burden?

Look things are not good. Obviously, so you're best bet is to try and find a compromise... One really good option is to seek mediation through Relationships Australia... They might be able to help you come to a compromise...

So what say you want to leave the relationship... Ok - so inform him that you're happy to leave, however you want him to refinance to take your name off the title of the house and you then need to work out what the house owes you as an asset. So lets keep it simple. The house is worth $50000 But you owe $300 000. So that leave $200 000. You're entitled to at least half of that $200 000 but that is just an example...

How to come to a compromise around that? Relationships Australia..... Give them a call...

Final thought - marriage is tough. Divorce is worse. Look I'm glad my marriage ended - That was 5 years ago... But the pain, grief trauma and financial expense of it all has been horrific for all concerned including the kids.

My now ex wife was on a good wicket - loving hubby, nice house, no real financial issues... But she wasn't happy... From what I can tell she still isn't happy....I am....

Not legal advice - just musings of some bloke... The grass isn't always greener...

 

[MartyK]

If you do decided to leave the family home with the children, you will still be entitled to whatever your share/proportion of the property would be in terms of a later property settlement.

Some things to consider is whether or not you are in the financial position to move out, whether remaining under the same roof could lead to family violence, and, also whether refinancing the mortgage on your own, at a later stage, to possibly "buy out" the other sides share, would be a viable option (if offered) to enable you to remain in the family home with the children. If this would not be a option then it may be easier to move out sooner than later, if only as a means to "settle" the children into new accommodations. Property settlement orders, can at times, require 'quick' settlements, thus causing a need for parties to find new accommodations under pressure.

If you leave, while you should be able to make arrangements to collect your personal belongings, you will also likely need to purchase new items for the new accommodation. This can be expensive.

You should always seek legal advice prior to leaving the matrimonial home, especially if there are children involved.

The other parent is asking for you to leave with the children? Or are they just asking you to leave?

 

[Ange34]

Thank you Sammy01 for your input.

My first concern is to ensure as much stability for our children. As I am and have been for many years, the primary caregiver, I thought it would be better to be able to stay in the family home. He does not see it this way and has also been advised by his lawyer friend to not leave the family home at any cost. I believe this advice would apply to me too.

I personally believe shared custody would be fair as our children need both parents, however for the reasons mentioned above (and the fact I work part time and he does full time), it would make more sense for me to stay in the house. Saying this however, I can't afford the repayments on my own.

 

[Ange34]

If you do decided to leave the family home with the children, you will still be entitled to whatever your share/proportion of the property would be in terms of a later property settlement.

Some things to consider is whether or not you are in the financial position to move out, whether remaining under the same roof could lead to family violence, and, also whether refinancing the mortgage on your own, at a later stage, to possibly "buy out" the other sides share, would be a viable option (if offered) to enable you to remain in the family home with the children. If this would not be a option then it may be easier to move out sooner than later, if only as a means to "settle" the children into new accommodations. Property settlement orders, can at times, require 'quick' settlements, thus causing a need for parties to find new accommodations under pressure.

If you leave, while you should be able to make arrangements to collect your personal belongings, you will also likely need to purchase new items for the new accommodation. This can be expensive.

You should always seek legal advice prior to leaving the matrimonial home, especially if there are children involved.

The other parent is asking for you to leave with the children? Or are they just asking you to leave?

 

[Ange34]

Hi MartyK,

Thank you for getting back to me. I think that seeking clear legal advice about what to do will be in our best interests. I certainly do not intend to go to war and I believe he does not want this either.

I never thought that I would get to this point. A very difficult and challenging process.

 

[SamanthaJay]

I just want to disagree with sammy on one point - don't take your name off the title. Wait till a financial settlement takes place and he has to take out alternative finance to settle with you. Then you agree to do that.

If you do agree to leave, take as much as the furniture/white goods/household goods etc that you can agree upon because as Sammy mentions, they are practically valueless as 2nd hand items when it comes to valuing your assets but costly for you to have to replace.

I think it is often advised that the one leaving the home will be in a worse position, especially finanacially, is because you'll have to set up a new home including (most likely) rent, bond and furnishings and all other household goods.

But remember, he'll more than likely be answerable to Child Support and have to pay for the kids. If you are only working part time, your Centrelink benefits will probably increase as a sole parent.

If you feel that you and the children are not at any risk of domestic violence/abuse, then refuse to be pressured and educate and sort yourself out first before you come to a decision.

 

[sammy01]

Ok so you can't stay in the house if you can't afford it... These are the simple realities. So time to start thinking about ways forward. Put the house on the market and go your separate ways once it sells?

 

[RachaelMC]

Any update on how things worked out Ange34?