This is a sticky situation. Claims of abuse are very serious. Your lawyer may be doing the right thing by you by letting you know that you may not get that which you wish for. When abuse is raised its a very serious issue. If you don't have concrete proof to support your allegations then you should expect your wishes to be dismissed. If unsuccessful in providing solid proof this could back fire on you. Seen as sour grapes and little more. Most lawyers should explain this too you. Any family lawyer should provide you the legislature in your state regarding the courts opinion on what constitutes domestic violence or child abuse. If your claim isn't in those court documents then your lawyer is right to caution you regarding this action and that the outcome you would like may not be possible. Solid proof is required whenever you make a claim. Otherwise it will be dismissed and shine an unfavourable light on you as potentially untrustworthy. Definitely not the outcome you want. Evidence is key to any claim. The children of old enough can indeed be given their own lawyer who'll be solely responsible for the kids best interests and also their wishes. This has the potential to end badly for you. Maybe not but its a risk you need to be aware of. No lawyer can offer certainty. It's not within their power. You can obtain recent court activity from the courts online website. You may get lucky and see a similar case to yours and what the outcome was. You may find nothing even close. The system works slowly and a bad lawyer working on the other side can hold up proceedings for a long time. This only makes your situation worse. You want to avoid name calling and any negative emails and txt's between you both as they can be used against you either in court or to stretch out proceedings to further upset you. Letters from lawyers back and forth cost a fortune. Your better to obtain a your information and go into proceedings where the questions are directed at your ex rather than being the one needing to defend your position. If you submit claims of abuse you'll need to supply evidence to back up your claim. Now the questions are headed at you. I'd rather be the one awaiting the other parties response rather than being the one questioned.