COVID19 and custody schedule with court orders in place

[sammy01]

I'm moving to NZ

 

[Stepmumreeree]

My partner just received an email from his lawyer (forwarded from his ex wife’s lawyer) as they are in a terrible custody battle at the moment and she has demanded the children not attend school or oshc and said she will have them during the day the week that they are in our care. My partner has said he has alternate care (which is OSHC) and does not want the mother spending time with the children whilst in our care ( as she degenerates both him, me and my sons constantly) and displays parental alienation. Her lawyer has demanded an as well as to where the children will be and that she should be able to have them during the day (whilst he works) during this pandemic. Shouldn’t he be able to make his own decisions for his kids care in his week and not have to be harassed by her lawyers?

 

[Stepmumreeree]

Thought I would respond as our situation is a little different but still coronavirus related. Mother of child (I am step mother) has informed father today that she is keeping child home from school for the week and would like us to do the same next week (50/50 care), stating the principle of the school has recommended it. Letter has been released since from principle stating she has cancelled assembly's and excursions and we should be encouraging children to wash hands etc - nothing about keeping children home. As child is currently missing out on a lot of schooling in mother's care we do not intend to keep child home unless it is recommended by principal or QLD government. We are worried mother isn't going to be happy with this and may cause issues for father, however, we are hoping that as we have final orders that mother will not be silly enough to withhold child (as she has done many times before court).

I thought I was reading my own post then!
this is our life exactly. Please see my response:
My partner just received an email from his lawyer (forwarded from his ex wife’s lawyer) as they are in a terrible custody battle at the moment and she has demanded the children not attend school or oshc and said she will have them during the day the week that they are in our care. My partner has said he has alternate care (which is OSHC) and does not want the mother spending time with the children whilst in our care ( as she degenerates both him, me and my sons constantly) and displays parental alienation. Her lawyer has demanded an as well as to where the children will be and that she should be able to have them during the day (whilst he works) during this pandemic. Shouldn’t he be able to make his own decisions for his kids care in his week and not have to be harassed by her lawyers?

 

[sammy01]

or.... My first set of orders had a stipulation that went something like this.
In the event that one parent was unable to supervise the kids then that parent must give the other parent the first right to refuse that time. If one parent cant supervise the kids, then the first preference should be they be with the other parent.

Now let me save you $10's of thousands of dollars. See you're all over about 5 threads here. All about what a b***h the mum is... Sounds like she is... But it isn't your job to prove it... Your job is to prove that you and her can get along OR at least you are willing to get along for the sake of the kid. If you make your case about proving mum is a b***h, you'll succeed - but being a b***h insn't a crime. So what have you actually achieved?

 

[Been2Trial]

I've seen worse custody/separation battles than a mum who offers to look after the kids while you're at work.

She has raised a concern for safety issue for the child that can extend to a home environment if not managed properly.

She has given you a perfectly reasonable solution.

I get that you have denigrigation concerns in her care, but honestly, if you guys can be seen to work together and cooperate through this, it is going to work out a lot better for you when you go to court.

I can't express this strongly enough. Suck it up and work together for this, it will look very good for you if you do.

If you can't get your head around letting her look after the child during the 9-5 hours for just this period of time, then quit work or take leave or whatever you need to do to free yourself up.

But don't get into a battle over this. She has provided a solution, you can either take it, or provide another one that both parties can agree on.

She appears to agree or have no choice in you having the child in your care ordinarily this week, so whilst you are technically allowed to do whatever you like, trust me, it's not worth the fall out.

These are testing times and the ones who pass the test are going to be rewarded at the end when the courts see no conflict and cooperation.

 

[Stepmumreeree]

or.... My first set of orders had a stipulation that went something like this.
In the event that one parent was unable to supervise the kids then that parent must give the other parent the first right to refuse that time. If one parent cant supervise the kids, then the first preference should be they be with the other parent.

Now let me save you $10's of thousands of dollars. See you're all over about 5 threads here. All about what a b***h the mum is... Sounds like she is... But it isn't your job to prove it... Your job is to prove that you and her can get along OR at least you are willing to get along for the sake of the kid. If you make your case about proving mum is a b***h, you'll succeed - but being a b***h insn't a crime. So what have you actually achieved?

I've seen worse custody/separation battles than a mum who offers to look after the kids while you're at work.

She has raised a concern for safety issue for the child that can extend to a home environment if not managed properly.

She has given you a perfectly reasonable solution.

I get that you have denigrigation concerns in her care, but honestly, if you guys can be seen to work together and cooperate through this, it is going to work out a lot better for you when you go to court.

I can't express this strongly enough. Suck it up and work together for this, it will look very good for you if you do.

If you can't get your head around letting her look after the child during the 9-5 hours for just this period of time, then quit work or take leave or whatever you need to do to free yourself up.

But don't get into a battle over this. She has provided a solution, you can either take it, or provide another one that both parties can agree on.

She appears to agree or have no choice in you having the child in your care ordinarily this week, so whilst you are technically allowed to do whatever you like, trust me, it's not worth the fall out.

These are testing times and the ones who pass the test are going to be rewarded at the end when the courts see no conflict and cooperation.

There is a lot more than just degeneration issues. It would take pages to explain The detriments of the girls going to stay home with her more than necessary. I could list the drug issues, past sex worker (unknown if still is) and go on and on and I am sure you would see how this solution is definitely not a reasonable one for us. In an ideal world, she would co-parent effectively and a decision could be made together between my partner and his ex (like my ex and I have!) but as a diagnosed narcissist and schizophrenic, the challenges that we are faced with weekly are incomprehensible. However, I guess my point is that not everyone agrees that the children should be taken out of school and homed school. This is an individual preference and If it was an order by the government, and schools were locked down (which in SA they aren’t and oshc is readily available) then of course this wouldn’t be an issue.
But how come as their father, with 50/50 care - he can’t have this choice, without getting a letter from her lawyer stating that the mothers preference is preferable and he should allow her to care for them instead of going to school?
remembering of course, not everyone agrees with kids being taken out of school at this time and the government is still advising daily that it is a personal preference.
He was not going to go about sending a letter from his lawyer to suggest they continue at school and he is happy to pick them up and get them there etc.

 

[Been2Trial]

Look, I totally agree with you in that sense and by the sounds of it, I wouldn't want my kids with her either... but the risk here is that you end up with her withholding them and you're in a whole new world of hurt that is going to cost you dearly... emotionally and financially.

Honestly, if I were you, I would work out a way to stay at home with the kids and provide the care yourself.

I get it and you are right, he does have equal say, but now is not the time to get yourself into a even more serious situation.

Pick your battles and whilst this ordinarily might be considered a big one, it takes a back seat to the likely alternative which is that she will withhold child and start something way bigger.

 

[sammy01]

Mum is a drug addict, sex worker? has severe mental health issues. Then why are you agreeing for the child to be there at all?

But how come as their father, with 50/50 care - he can’t have this choice, without getting a letter from her lawyer stating that the mothers preference is preferable and he should allow her to care for them instead of going to school?
He does have a choice. He can choose to tell the ex to get stuffed and put the kid into after school care.

BUT - please start your own thread. Tell us details. See I'm wasting my time here giving you advice on a thread you didn't start. If you give the punters here the full picture then you get better advice. You are in SA BTW schools are not closed in NSW. THey are open for parents who choose to send their kids OR are emergency service workers. 6 kids at my school today out of 700. Most punters are choosing to keep their kids at home. Choosing to let the kids be looked after by people other than the parents demonstrates a lack of consideration for the other parent.... IF the mum is that bad you should be refusing all access. BUT most importantly, you're not gonna take my advice and save $10's of thousands because it is all about proving mum is a twit. You'll succeeed but you'll prove to the magistrate that you're a twit too.

 

[Stepmumreeree]

Look, I totally agree with you in that sense and by the sounds of it, I wouldn't want my kids with her either... but the risk here is that you end up with her withholding them and you're in a whole new world of hurt that is going to cost you dearly... emotionally and financially.

Honestly, if I were you, I would work out a way to stay at home with the kids and provide the care yourself.

I get it and you are right, he does have equal say, but now is not the time to get yourself into a even more serious situation.

Pick your battles and whilst this ordinarily might be considered a big one, it takes a back seat to the likely alternative which is that she will withhold child and start something way bigger.

I completely get what you are saying.
she can’t withhold the children as there is a court order in place for 50/50 care as an interim order.
I’m not sure what he is going to do as yet.
We have to work to be able to survive.
It’s a scary world we are in at the moment