QLD Contravention of orders reasonable excuse

[Elliot]

I am wondering if mine is a reasonable excuse for contravening orders.

I have contravened my consent orders by not spending time with my child. I got work overseas and took it. I have flown my child out to see me on several occasions. But also missed several occasions I was meant to have, as stated in the orders. I did not have the money or the physical capability at the time to care for my child as I was flying left and right and flying my child out with a an adult, as demanded by my ex, was astronomically expensive and I just couldn't afford it. I was not expecting to be gone this long but this was the only work I was able to get at the time. The cost to fly two people overseas and house them etc, it just is not practical four times a year. So I have only down half that.

I have been in constant contact with my ex about it, explaining my situation but they don't care. This has been going on for about 18 months and I am back in Australia now but will need to work overseas in the future, but am hoping to get on my feet this year and have the money to actually fly my kid out every school holidays. For now the ex wants me to pay fines, lose parental rights and on and on. They have become very very hostile.

Would my situation be a reasonable excuse?

 

[AllForHer]

The Court doesn't consider it a contravention if the non-resident parent chooses not to spend time with a child during the times that have been allocated in the orders.

Orders impose an obligation on the resident parent to facilitate time. It doesn't import an obligation on the non-resident parent to take up that opportunity.

 

[Elliot]

Thank you for clearing that up. I thought that was the case but my ex and their lawyer are making it sound as if I am a criminal.

I don't have the cash to see a lawyer right now so I appreciate it. I wait till I get served with whatever it is she is going to try on then I'll just have to suck it up and get some legal advice.

Could I ask, how serious would the court view constant insults from my ex partner? I can't seem to have a single calm discussion with my ex, they immediately start attacking my parenting but in really hurtful language and aggressive tone. I am doing my best and I feel pretty deflated right now, like it might never be over. My ex does everything possible to make contact with my kid a huge struggle. This has been going on for such a long time and I was hoping the consent orders would put an end to it but it hasn't. I am exhausted by all of this conflict.

If I have dozens and dozens of these emails where the ex is being horrible, will the judge do anything? Like tell them to stop?

 

[sammy01]

No court orders can make an irrational person rational... Simple.
She will continue to bait you so long as she sees it working... How to stop it? Stop caring. NOT legal advice, just personal experience...

My solution? I learnt 2-3 key phrases and I would repeat them... Stuff like "I don't understand why you're choosing to act that way. I can only assume you're trying to cause conflict. Please stop, I'm not interested...."
repeat repeat repeat...

 

[Rod]

I had something similar happen. One day I simply said I no longer care what you think, and I really really didn't care anymore. She saw I actually meant it and backed off from that day. She tried a again few times after but I made it clear I didn't care what she said, and things settled down. It was such a relief and it was only in hindsight I worked out what happened.

Can't say it will happen in your situation as you can't control what your ex does. However what you do control is how you respond. Once you regain your control you will hopefully feel better.

 

[Elliot]

Thank you for all your replies.

I'm good 99% of the time and don't take the bait. I just keep everything brief, civil and straightforward. Regardless of how little or how much I reply, the madness doesn't change. I just keep getting email after email of insults and hostility. If there's a question in there, I answer that and ignore the rest but it hasn't stopped. warning them that I will ignore the entire email if there's any insults and following through on that hasn't helped either. My ex is their own worst enemy, they can't help themselves. Even if its to their own detriment. They just have to tell me what a POS I am, that's more important than our kid which is really sad.

I took the bait for the first time in a year and tried to defend myself against false allegations. Why did I bother? God knows. Yes they were basically accusing me of child abuse, but I should have known better after all this time I just fell into the trap like a fool. Obviously as soon as the allegations were proven false with simple facts, they switched tactics and started harping on about other crap, that's all they wanted was to get me to engaged again. I know this, so why did I do it? I guess it's a matter of hoping that they'll move on at some point. It's been six years of this madness.

You're all right though, I just need to let it go. I can't change them but I can change how I feel when I receive this craziness. I love my kid and my kid loves me. That's all that matters in the end and I just have to hold onto that when things get really rough with the ex.

Hopefully this round of nonsense litigation ends quickly and as painlessly as these things can.

 

[sammy01]

You have no control over their stupidity... You do have control over how you choose to deal with it...

For a laugh... My ex just bought a mobile home... $70 000.. She told me how much it cost... Should have seen her glaring at me. She claims to have earnt $6000 last year... $2000 more than the year before.... The kids live with me 90% of the time and she pays zero child support... If she was a bloke she'd be a drop kick dad... So I went over the top praising how awesome her purchase was... I didn't give her the response she was after .... I win...

 

[Elliot]

The fact that she bought a mobile home makes it even more hilarious. I guess on the bright side, it's a roof over the kids heads and at least she didn't spend all that sneaky cash on a boob job haha

I don't know what luck my ex will have in court, but I hope we get a more objective judge. the last judge hated me before i'd even opened my mouth and was smiling and laughing with my ex and ignoring my existence. I sat there, devastated that I hadn't seen my kid in months because my ex refused access after they relocated interstate in the middle of the night, texting me to let me know. I assume the worst in family court, but hope for the best.