QLD Chances of Ex Getting 50-50 Custody of Children?

[devasted]

You have received some answers here that you like, and other answers that you don't like. The court doesn't care what answers suit you. The court cares about what's best for the children.

If the father wants 50/50 and decides to pursue it in court, I can assure you the father will rectify complaints about where he's living and what he sends the child to day care in.

From the father's perspective, what you've said may translate as "The mother leaves the child with family members every day", which tells the court you are okay with the child having regular contact with everyone BUT the father; and "The mother is highly critical about me as a parent", which tells the court you undermine his role as father and there'a a risk you will be unable to support the child's right to have a relationship with him.

This is what I mean when I say the argument you've pitched so far isn't compelling.

So do you have any other evidence to suggest that 50/50 isn't best for the child?

First of all, I'm not expecting a judge to care what suits me or not. Even our mediator pulled me aside and said obviously he is money driven and that's what this is about. So you might not see a compelling argument but you also do not know this man. Why has he not wanted to be involved in the last 2 years until a money issue came up?

I have asked him to be the one to have her while I'm at work. He says he is too busy. Therefore I have no option but to ask my family. I would be more then willing for him to help out and grow with our daughter. I can't force him to want to do that. I have tried for a couple of years now for him to step up and he has not wanted too.

Every time I need help with watching her, I ask him; he says no. So no I'm am not wanting to stop regular contact with her father, he has done that. I never comment on his parenting. I have tried to talk about how we can raise our child the way we both want and he will not respond to my texts or calls. Any contact I try to have about us co-parenting, he doesn't want to talk about.

Since he asked for 50/50, he hasn't even kept up with his Wednesday visits. I messaged him one day to say his daughter had vomiting and diarrhea and he never called or texted me back. Trying to co-parent with him just doesn't work.

I have honestly tried everything I can to be on good terms with him and raise our daughter together and he has not tried until this money issue.

 

[AllForHer]

You're not understanding this properly.

You came to this forum seeking information about the likelihood of 50/50.

So far your reasons for resisting 50/50 are as follows:

• He just wants to get out of paying child support;
• He doesn't reply when I tell him the child is sick;
• He has always been too busy to take the child;
• He lives with his girlfriend who has a room for the child;
• You don't know this man.

None of this is compelling evidence to suggest 50/50 is not in the child's best interests. It's hardly relevant evidence at all, and half of it is just opinion and speculation, not fact. It's also not persuasive. So, on what you've said so far, what is the likelihood of the father getting 50/50?

In Queensland, with the Queensland judges, I would say it's fairly high. It's far too easy to see how your arguments could be turned in the father's favour - for example, you've tried to have the father involved for the last two years, but now you are resisting his involvement when he finally plays ball, so it begs the question, is he wanting more time now to avoid paying child support, or are you avoiding facilitating more time because you want more child support paid?

As another example, he's always been too busy to take the child, so it begs the question, have you done all you can to negotiate a parenting plan that takes into consideration his work schedule, or have you simply only allowed the child time with the father at times when you knew the father would be at work?

I'm not asking for answers to these questions and I am not accusing you of anything, I am simply highlighting these are questions and perceptions that might pique the court's interest if the father were to pursue court proceedings.

In light of this, what @sammy01 is saying is try to avoid court. You know the man, but you don't know what story his lawyers will present to counter yours. You don't know what the outcome will be.

The father may end up with three nights a fortnight, he may end up with seven nights a fortnight, he may end up with residency. You don't know what the court will decide. It's high stakes, so rather than risk going to court and ending up with orders you don't want and a debt for lawyer fees well in excess of what you will likely gain back in child support, consider trying a different care arrangement just to see how it goes first.

If the father misses or alters three care events in a row, then speak with child support and tell them the care pattern has changed. If he doesn't, then good - the child gets to have a meaningful relationship with both parents. It's win-win.

 

[PixiePie]

This is a highly sensitive topic and it's understandable that some people are angry. What I can say though is that going to court was the worst thing I have ever experienced. I was left struggling financially for a while, lost half my hair from all the stress and still somewhat emotionally drained today. My ex is also.

I never took it to court, my ex did after mediation failed but even with court orders in place, we are still on different planets with regard to parenting.

Contact a Lawyer, get some face to face legal advice and go from there. There may be something you have not disclosed here that could also be a determining factor.

I wish you all the best.

 

[devasted]

You're not understanding this properly.

You came to this forum seeking information about the likelihood of 50/50.

So far your reasons for resisting 50/50 are as follows:

• He just wants to get out of paying child support;
• He doesn't reply when I tell him the child is sick;
• He has always been too busy to take the child;
• He lives with his girlfriend who has a room for the child;
• You don't know this man.

None of this is compelling evidence to suggest 50/50 is not in the child's best interests. It's hardly relevant evidence at all, and half of it is just opinion and speculation, not fact. It's also not persuasive. So, on what you've said so far, what is the likelihood of the father getting 50/50?

In Queensland, with the Queensland judges, I would say it's fairly high. It's far too easy to see how your arguments could be turned in the father's favour - for example, you've tried to have the father involved for the last two years, but now you are resisting his involvement when he finally plays ball, so it begs the question, is he wanting more time now to avoid paying child support, or are you avoiding facilitating more time because you want more child support paid?


As another example, he's always been too busy to take the child, so it begs the question, have you done all you can to negotiate a parenting plan that takes into consideration his work schedule, or have you simply only allowed the child time with the father at times when you knew the father would be at work?

I'm not asking for answers to these questions and I am not accusing you of anything, I am simply highlighting these are questions and perceptions that might pique the court's interest if the father were to pursue court proceedings.

In light of this, what @sammy01 is saying is try to avoid court. You know the man, but you don't know what story his lawyers will present to counter yours. You don't know what the outcome will be.

The father may end up with three nights a fortnight, he may end up with seven nights a fortnight, he may end up with residency. You don't know what the court will decide. It's high stakes, so rather than risk going to court and ending up with orders you don't want and a debt for lawyer fees well in excess of what you will likely gain back in child support, consider trying a different care arrangement just to see how it goes first.

If the father misses or alters three care events in a row, then speak with child support and tell them the care pattern has changed. If he doesn't, then good - the child gets to have a meaningful relationship with both parents. It's win-win.

Thanks for your reply, but yeah will have to play it by ear because nobody knows what will happen. And yes, I've done everything I can. I always ask him whenever he has free time to just give me a call and he can come get her but he has never done that. As for child support, it is only $40 a week so no I was not trying to keep her for the money reasons.

I want to avoid court but in our last mediation I gave multiple suggestions of him having her 2-3 nights a week plus his weekend fortnight and he didn't want to even try it out. He says he doesn't want to travel 15 minutes. He has missed his last 3 Wednesday with his daughter.

I did not get a phone call or anything. I just had to call her daycare when I finished work to see if she was there because he won't reply to any of my messages. But anyway ,thanks for your replies and I'll see what happens.

 

[Anubis]

Without wanting to sound like the mean lawyer...

The thing is, your daughter has a right to her father, regardless of what you might think of him or his motivations in asking to spend significant time with her.

There appear to be no compelling barriers to him spending time with her. Absent that, you don't get to control his time with her which is how your "suggestions" come across.

He is not necessarily being difficult, it sound a little more like he simply is not consenting to what you want. He doesn't have to.

Be careful about verballing mediators. What happens in mediation is confidential and quite often people see the relatively neutral comments as being favourable or unfavourable depending on their mindset.

You don't want to be the parent who comes before the Court who is seen to be stonewalling a child's relationship with the non-resident parent.

 

[devasted]

Without wanting to sound like the mean lawyer...

The thing is, your daughter has a right to her father, regardless of what you might think of him or his motivations in asking to spend significant time with her.

There appear to be no compelling barriers to him spending time with her. Absent that, you don't get to control his time with her which is how your "suggestions" come across.

He is not necessarily being difficult, it sound a little more like he simply is not consenting to what you want. He doesn't have to.

Be careful about verballing mediators. What happens in mediation is confidential and quite often people see the relatively neutral comments as being favourable or unfavourable depending on their mindset.

You don't want to be the parent who comes before the Court who is seen to be stonewalling a child's relationship with the non-resident parent.

Thanks for your reply. I am now out of this situation as I have not worried about him paying child support (in the end that is all he wanted) and now that I've said he doesn't have to pay he no longer is taking me to court.

 

[PixiePie]

I don't understand why you would agree to that arrangement. What he's doing is emotional and financial abuse. My ex tried the same thing.

Raising a child is very expensive, more so for a single parent. You stated in earlier posts that you are already struggling to pay your bills, feed your kids etc. Why would you further jeopardize your kids' wellbeing by allowing your ex to skip child support when he is in stable employment and you're caring for his 3 children?

I think you should re-consider this agreement. Contact CSA and ask them to collect on your behalf. If he has an issue with it, he can speak directly to them. I wish him luck!

Don't let him bully you. Your children need that money. I strongly urge you to get some emotional support for yourself because I think I know what you're dealing with and I don't think the child support issue will be the last of it.

I'm speaking from experience - one mum to another. He is not going to give up until he destroys you and you are forced to hand over your kids. Sounds like he's deliberately wearing you down.

I think you should speak to a Domestic Violence Liaisons Officer at your local police station too. They are a huge help and may calm things down a bit.

What he's doing won't go down well with the courts either. It's wilful neglect of his kids.

You need some proper legal advice.

 

[AllForHer]

We pay child support to my husband's ex. Every single dollar of it goes to the $20,000 in legal fees she is now paying off after he took her to court for 50/50, self-represented and won. Even after 15 years, the amount she gets in child support won't come anywhere near paying off the cost incurred by her decision to refuse any more time between father and child.

So, PixiePie, would you say court was worth it for my husband's ex? Or would you say it would have made more sense to just facilitate more time without going to court?

 

[PixiePie]

I went through exactly as devastated is now. My ex threatened court for everything little thing that didn't go his way, child support was one of them. The latest... for taking his daughter to see his mother because he wont. His family are loving and perfectly fine but 'he' doesn't like it.

Its a scare tactic. A very good one at that, especially when Devastated's ex knows she is dependent on that child support. He was probably controlling during the relationship too. I'm saying he is trying to use the children to emotionally blackmail her. Its not healthy for anyone. If he does deliberately withhold the child support and make those children suffer he should not have any extra time with them. Its child abuse.

Devastated really needs to get some proper legal advice before deciding on anything. If she explains everything that has/is happening and is persistent she may be able to get Legal Aid but she needs to document everything.

Devastated, keep trying. It's a horrible situation, but hang in there.

 

[AllForHer]

Your view about what the OP is going through is 100% speculation. You don't know the other side of the story.

For every parent who says "I have offered more time with the kids and he refuses to take it", there's another saying he can only see the kids if he jumps through a thousand hoops and meets strict and impossible conditions imposed by the other parent.

For every parent who says "She's a drug addict", there's another taking prescription medication for depression or anxiety.

For every parent who says, "He threatened me", there's another saying "I told her that if she didn't let me see the kids, I would take her to court".

For every parent who says "She just gives the kids to her parents when they're with her anyway", there's another working full time and using the resources available to her to work and raise kids at the same time, just like anyone else who has kids.

And for every single parent who complains "He yelled at the kids when they did something naughty," there's usually a plethora of other single parents chanting "That's abuse!" and demanding blood for their so-called crimes.

What I have learned in my experience of family law is that nearly every gripe about parenting after separation has an equally believable story to oppose it, and the parameters of what constitute abuse are only so broad when you're outside the courtroom. Judges are not so generous.

In the legal scope, withholding the children is not abuse, it's very mediocre parenting, and asking for more time with the children in place of paying more child support is not abuse, it's a reasonable request for a parent. If that's abuse, wouldn't you agree it's abusive then to refuse more time with the child because you'd rather keep getting the extra child support?

I think describing the OP's circumstances as 'abusive' is inaccurate and based solely on the facts provided by the OP, I don't think any judge will share your view about what the OP is going through. What I do agree with is getting legal advice.