VIC Separating with Ex - Terrified of 50/50 Custody of Children

[Hoang Trang]

In 3 years she has made 3 payments. There was a good stretch of 6 months when she had to pay $30 a MONTH. She's owing around $5000 right now. I think I have more luck of winning lotto then the Child Support Agency actually doing anything about it.

My ex was fraudulently claiming Centrelink payments for close to 1.5 years. She said she had 72% care percentage when in fact it was me who had that my kids 5 nights a week. My mistake was that I never called and notified the change in care. I'm self employed and do not quality for assistance so never bothered.

It's when I enroled my kids into prekindergarten and claimed the childcare rebate that she started to crap her pants. I was made aware of the situation when I started to receive child support bills! I made a appeal through Centrelink and the care percentage was update in my favour.

But child support after still after me for payments and it's very stressful and frustrating. The period in question has me as the primary carer. I have rang numerous times about this and each time they couldn't figure out why and said the tech team will call me back. But a lady called me last week demanding I pay.

The way she was talking to me implied I was a dead beat dad that didn't care about my kids. And that regardless of me being the primary carer I still needed to pay because of my income (below $100k).

 

[Danstar]

Yes, the CSA is a bit of a farce. I once was spoken to like it was my fault I couldn't give them info about my ex or chase her up on payments...Now I just get told they don't have that much power to get payments...

My family think it's because I'm a male, I'm starting to agree. As even the judge for my court case said "the law isn't gender bias, but..."

Like I tell my kids, if they tell me something, then say "but" straight after. It's usually a lie.

Ps. Sorry for hijacking your post....

 

[MartyK]

Yes, the CSA is a bit of a farce. I once was spoken to like it was my fault I couldn't give them info about my ex...

Not uncommon, for either parent, to receive a "stock standard" letter from child support asking you to provide the contact details of the other parent, if you contact them about an overdue amount etc

My family think it's because I'm a male, I'm starting to agree. As even the judge for my court case said "the law isn't gender bias, but..."

Would be interesting to know who this Judge is that keeps offering you personal opinions about the law when you are before him/her. You raised something the Judge 'said' in another thread?

 

[Danstar]

Would be interesting to know who this Judge is that keeps offering you personal opinions about the law when you are before him/her. You raised something the Judge 'said' in another thread?

I'm assuming it was because it was just him, his assistant and myself in the court room. He may have spoken more freely in response to my questions.

 

[kimsland]

Yes, the CSA is a bit of a farce. I once was spoken to like it was my fault I couldn't give them info about my ex or chase her up on payments...Now I just get told they don't have that much power to get payments...

My family think it's because I'm a male, I'm starting to agree. As even the judge for my court case said "the law isn't gender bias, but..."

Like I tell my kids, if they tell me something, then say "but" straight after. It's usually a lie.

Ps. Sorry for hijacking your post....

Hey Danstar,

Same thing here. Zero payments to me, and now the 'kids' are young adults. I called up CSA about 2 years ago they said the debt still remains even after the kids get to adulthood, but no payment yet, and after about 16 years now, pretty sure its not coming soon

I decided to give up my career for my kids to be fulltime parent, a long time ago. First 6 months, pure hell After that, definitely worth it. Even without money.

New sole parents should not be afraid, it is worth it looking after your kids.

Hint: When the average adult goes to work and thinks they are missing out on their kids growing up - They are.

 

[Hoang Trang]

Hey Danstar,

Same thing here. Zero payments to me, and now the 'kids' are young adults. I called up CSA about 2 years ago they said the debt still remains even after the kids get to adulthood, but no payment yet, and after about 16 years now, pretty sure its not coming soon

I decided to give up my career for my kids to be fulltime parent, a long time ago. First 6 months, pure hell After that, definitely worth it. Even without money.

New sole parents should not be afraid, it is worth it looking after your kids.

Hint: When the average adult goes to work and thinks they are missing out on their kids growing up - They are.

So agree. First few months after separation were horrible. Mainly the way it affected my kids. They were very young, attached and dependant to their mother. Some nights I was so fatigued and drained after putting my kids to bed I'd often skip dinner. Was still working full time with the help of my beloved mum.

Now I work part time to care for my kids and step son. Would never change it for anything. I don't care about getting child support from my ex. I have realised my kids and I are happy without all the materialistic things I had before. And things I once thought were important are not anymore.

 

[kimsland]

So agree. First few months after separation were horrible. Mainly the way it affected my kids. They were very young, attached and dependant to their mother. Some nights I was so fatigued and drained after putting my kids to bed I'd often skip dinner. Was still working full time with the help of my beloved mum. Now I work part time to care for my kids and step son. Would never change it for anything. I don't care about getting child support from my ex. I have realised my kids and I are happy without all the materialistic things I had before. And things I once thought were important are not anymore.

The only mistake I made was being a bit stubborn on looking after my kids, and never re-marrying (or going out, lets face it, no babysitter is good enough and your 'Mom' can't do it forever.

Looking back, I'd say continue to help yourself along, I didn't, and even though I knew I could do see it through (and did) probably I should have been a bit more selfish and thought about me sometimes.

Only just now (a few minor years) back in the workforce. And my part time and casual 'jobs' (totally foreign to my original career) allowed us to survive with a bit of dignity. Be that as it may, you are now classed in that single parent rorting the system - public opinion, let alone being thrown in the group of 'other' single parents who would prefer to get drunk or stoned every night! Plus being the only Dad at school functions never quite becomes fully acceptable.

So an outcast and (eventually) doing it on your own. This is a bit of a sidestep from law questions/answers, but I'll tell you now, those in the know (me and I'm sure others) highly respect your commitment, the rewards are having a stronger bond with your kids, and they DO in fact thank you one day for it.

Just take time for yourself - No kids, and seriously go out somewhere sometime, even if its once a month.

I ended up getting a 100% custody through Federal court (partner took off overseas). There is NO full custody now unless your partner is in prison, dead, or seriously (seriously) majorly bad, before that they have rights until the kids become adults. Be fully aware if you died (or went to prison) your Mom doesn't automatically get them, your (ex)partner does

 

[Hoang Trang]

I feel I have been selfish in the sense that everything has been about my kids. The legal cost are already starting to take a burden and on my relationship with my partner.

I asked her advice about going to court to fight instead of signing consent orders. She fully knows the financial, physical and emotional struggles ahead. She was divorced and a single mother for a long time. She replied "they are my kids too".

 

[kimsland]

I feel I have been selfish in the sense that everything has been about my kids. The legal cost are already starting to take a burden and on my relationship with my partner. I asked her advice about going to court to fight instead of signing consent orders. She fully knows the financial, physical and emotional struggles ahead. She was divorced and a single mother for a long time. She replied " they are my kids too "

My opinion? As personal as it is:

Allow your partner all the jointly adult decision making compromise you can do equally sharing the kids. Your kids may be upset, hurt by your ex-partner's actions, but I'm willing to bet they still love her as much as they love you.

Remember, unless this horrid described partner is dead or in prison, she has rights because it is better for the kids that way.

Hey but all relationships are personal and unique, what do I know

 

[MartyK]

Remember, unless this horrid described partner is dead or in prison, she has rights because it is BETTER for the kids that way.

You may be surprised but these are not the only reasons the Court makes no contact orders kimsland....