Hi there...My name and my sons names (both under 18) were written on my biological father's headstone without my consent or knowledge. I Had not seen the father for 30 years prior to his death. He did not even know my children. He sexually abused me and bashed me as a child and I have never been able to do anything about that. I last saw him at 15 yo. I'm 47 now. The Widow wife number 3 of 2 years..made headstone without my knowledge or approval writting my name and my children's names as the beloved family..... I was not asked or told...I've respectfully asked her to remove our names. She's ignored me. I've written to council and cemetery they said she is the only authority to legally make changes. Do I have any hope here with taking this to court for orders..or a waste of time. Thanks
NSW Remove my name father's headstone
- Thread starter Michdi70
- Start date
Legally i am not sure, seems unlikely you can do anything?
Logically speaking, did you contribute any money to the funeral? No? Can the term 'beloved' be one way? I don't see why not? You can be in charge of how you feel about him, but you cannot be in charge of how he felt about you.
Emotionally speaking if i was in your position it would upset me, but, it would upset me more that i cared that it upset me! (if that makes any sense?)
Logically speaking, did you contribute any money to the funeral? No? Can the term 'beloved' be one way? I don't see why not? You can be in charge of how you feel about him, but you cannot be in charge of how he felt about you.
Emotionally speaking if i was in your position it would upset me, but, it would upset me more that i cared that it upset me! (if that makes any sense?)
I'm afraid that there may not be a lot of places to go here.
The Council and/or the Cemetery Trustees are probably right.
As a general proposition, and subject to any contractual terms
(such as to design, or content), between the operator of the cemetery
and the person who erects* it, a headstone belongs to the person who erects it.
Which means, that person can pretty much** engrave
whatever words they want.
Consider also the possibility that the funeral sales rep might have said something
in the ballpark of "this is what's right and proper", and the widow may have been influenced by that.
Or maybe, she picked the words out of a stonemason's catalogue, or got them off the internet.
You'd think it was the executor who had the final say over this sort of thing.
Mostly though, people's funerals occur before Probate (or Administration)
is granted, and so before the executor/ administrator takes office.
So, often, it's the spouse, or other close kin, who make decisions
about funerals and any grave.
While I recognise how distressing this must be,
I don't actually see where you have any kind of
enforceable right to be consulted about,
let alone exercise any kind of veto over,
the words on a person's headstone,
just because you may not like them, or
disagree with what they say.
---------------------------------------------------
* That is, the person who arranges/ orders/ pays for a headstone,
even if they don't actually manually handle it into place themselves.
** Subject to the usual operation of other law, such as non-publication orders,
defamation (of anyone named on the stone who is not the deceased, that is),
offensive behaviour, obscenity etc
The Council and/or the Cemetery Trustees are probably right.
As a general proposition, and subject to any contractual terms
(such as to design, or content), between the operator of the cemetery
and the person who erects* it, a headstone belongs to the person who erects it.
Which means, that person can pretty much** engrave
whatever words they want.
Consider also the possibility that the funeral sales rep might have said something
in the ballpark of "this is what's right and proper", and the widow may have been influenced by that.
Or maybe, she picked the words out of a stonemason's catalogue, or got them off the internet.
You'd think it was the executor who had the final say over this sort of thing.
Mostly though, people's funerals occur before Probate (or Administration)
is granted, and so before the executor/ administrator takes office.
So, often, it's the spouse, or other close kin, who make decisions
about funerals and any grave.
While I recognise how distressing this must be,
I don't actually see where you have any kind of
enforceable right to be consulted about,
let alone exercise any kind of veto over,
the words on a person's headstone,
just because you may not like them, or
disagree with what they say.
---------------------------------------------------
* That is, the person who arranges/ orders/ pays for a headstone,
even if they don't actually manually handle it into place themselves.
** Subject to the usual operation of other law, such as non-publication orders,
defamation (of anyone named on the stone who is not the deceased, that is),
offensive behaviour, obscenity etc
Thanks all for clarifying what I thought would be the case.. not fair at all. Widow had personal agenda with this but obviously that won't change a thing. Clancy, your last paragraph is brilliant...I never looked at it that way.. I'll take your advice and it's time for me to move forward as has been wasting too much space in my head..thanks again
Similar threads
