NSW Change Consent Orders to be More Specific?

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Kyl

Well-Known Member
25 July 2016
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My ex and I made consent orders after a long and bitter process. The orders, however, are in practice not clear on the time my son will spend with the ex in the school holidays. Basically, it says 1 week for the ex but another point then says when the ex-partner's kids are there.

I've asked my very nasty ex to clarify if this is week 1 or 2 in the holidays but he is refusing to tell me. The order says it commences at the end of the school term. The ex will have time from Monday to Monday but it doesn't specify which week.

My ex gets time every 2nd weekend and this coincides when the partner's kids are there but how to interpret the orders for school holidays is impossible? I would assume that my son will be with his father the 2nd week, which would be his normal weekend time with his father but the orders say at the conclusion of the school term which could mean straight up in week 1 of holidays or just as an end point to the school term.

I don't care which week it is but because my ex won't clarify his understanding, I can't make care and holiday arrangements ahead of time. Basically, once again my ex is using this to control and have a hold on me.

Can I get the order changed to specify the actual week and if so how? As I can't adhere to something when I don't have the correct information and when it can be interpreted differently by either party.

Help - I thought this was over for me!
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
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Can you provide the exact wording of the order in question?
 

Kyl

Well-Known Member
25 July 2016
33
2
124
It's states:

Time with Father...

"Commencing at the conclusion of term 1 2017, during NSW school holiday periods:

(1) from 5pm Monday until 5pm the following Monday during the NSW public school holidays at the conclusion of terms 1,2 & 3.

(2) from 5pm Monday until 5pm the following Monday and continuing each alternate week thereafter during the term 4 NSW public school holidays each year."

Up until point 1, the ex only gets every alternate weekend. The end of term 1 2017 is the start of any block times for him. But there's another point further on stating:

" that the time the father spends with T pursuant to order...(the ones I've stated) coincide with the time that the fathers partners children also live in the fathers household"

The father's partner's kids, as far I believe, are with them in the 2nd week but the orders could be interpreted as T spending time in the first week. The ex won't clarify what wee. He just says as per orders.

I'm completely confused by this. I feel I'm either under the ex's control again as he had information that would clarify this but won't provide it and that one way or the other I could be forced to break part of the orders.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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So does it say anything about odd and even years? My concern is dad will always have the first week of holidays and in all likelihood then he'd have every Christmas?

Look, your best bet is to get smart with your communication, and more importantly, I'm thinking you're talking about April 2017. So unless there is a really good reason why worry about this now...

My thinking is this... If it is about April, he is probably happy to leave you lingering until late March. People get caught up in stupid mind games... Right now yours is - he won't communicate. His is 'she is asking me about April in December. ' Both arguments have merit, especially if you're the one having the argument. So let's try and avoid the arguments...

How does this sound? In March, you send him a message and be clever about it. Something like -

Dear ex -

My understanding of the orders is this: XXXXX for the convenience of all concerned I will assume that if I don't hear from you that you agree. If, however, you see any issues, please let me know...

Kind regards,

Blah blah blah...

Look court orders / consent orders always have crazy ways of being interpreted if the person interpreting them happens to be crazy. My ex is crazier than most - Our first set of orders said something about "by agreement", so as in, I have half holidays according to a set schedule or by agreement.

So the crazy ex decided that she no longer agreed with anything and the court orders were allowing her to stop me seeing the kids because the orders only applied 'by agreement' and she no longer agreed. So the moral to the story is to be mindful of how variable interpretations of the exact same words can be.

Once you get that, then you can work on how you choose to communicate with the ex strategically to try and stop something simple becoming a cause for conflict.
 

Kyl

Well-Known Member
25 July 2016
33
2
124
Hi.

Christmas is specific and all other time stops when it's Christmas.

Based on the alternate week cycle, my ex should get the 2nd week of all holidays but it's not specified and the 'at the conclusion of term 1, does not necessarily mean week 1 of school holidays."

It's badly worded. I did question it but the ICL barrister felt it made sense. And you're right. My ex is a control freak, so he would be enjoying the game of withholding information. It makes things hard to plan a holiday, etc if I don't know what week the orders are referring to.

Based on the time his partner's kids are with them, it's the 2nd week each holidays but I can't confirm this for sure. I'm just basing it on the current cycle. I might try going through mediation just to ask if he wants week 1 or 2! I don't mind - either one doesn't affect me, I just want my son to know what's happening and then I can make plans, but you're right. It's mind games and my ex and his partner love this stuff!
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
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684
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It's states:

Time with Father...

"Commencing at the conclusion of term 1 2017, during NSW school holiday periods:

(1) from 5pm Monday until 5pm the following Monday during the NSW public school holidays at the conclusion of terms 1,2 & 3.

(2) from 5pm Monday until 5pm the following Monday and continuing each alternate week thereafter during the term 4 NSW public school holidays each year."

When term finishes, dad has the kids from 5pm the first Monday that follows the end of school term until 5pm the following Monday.

I would also argue the same applies for term 4 holidays.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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Look, sometimes we can't see the obvious because it just gets so confusing...

So you wrote "the conclusion of term 1, does not necessarily mean week 1 of school holidays." I think that is pretty much exactly what it means. He has the first week of each holidays in terms 1,2 and 3. Same happens on a 7 day rotation over the long summer break.

But like I said, why are you worrying about this in December? You wrote your son needs to know - he doesn't need to know, he is a kid and you're talking about something that is 4 months away.

This stuff can send us all a bit bonkers and that leads to silly mind games. So come April, he will have either the first week or the second. Why worry which? But from there, you will know what will happen for the other holidays based on that precedent.