WA Custody of Children - How Often Can Ex See Son?

[Carolyne]

Hi.

My partner and I recently separated. We have a 21-month-old son. He moved out. How often can he see his son?

He thinks he can come and go as he pleases and see his son whenever. I want set times and rules with regards to custody of children. I will be seeing a lawyer during the week but I just know he will be difficult. I'm not trying to keep his son away from him, just doing whats best for my son.

Thank you

 

[sammy01]

So there are no set rules until either - you guys come to an agreement or you go to court. Seems reasonable until you can do that then you have to compromise.

Now Relationships Australia are a better option than solicitors. They can help you come up with an agreement. If that works great and free / very cheap....

So why not suggest a schedule in the meantime? It sounds like you're not agreeing for dad to take the kid overnight? Why not? I had my youngest kid overnight from the time he was 8 months old...

 

[Carolyne]

Because I did all the looking after of our son when he was living with us. He is very attached to me. His dad has said that he is a sh*t father and even told our son to come back to him when he was 4 and can communicate better.

 

[sammy01]

Ok - so has dad said he would like to take the kid for an overnight visit once a week or there abouts?

 

[AllForHer]

Nope, not good enough reasons not to allow overnight time. Remember the child was living with dad prior to separation and therefore spent overnight time with him every night, so it's folly to argue the child won't cope with overnight time because you were the primary carer and he's attached to you. The only reason the child wouldn't cope with one or two overnights a week at dad's is if you, the parents, don't want him to.

Re: what dad said and what dad said to the child, that's parenting. It's hard work, it tests patience, and even parents aren't perfect. That doesn't make him a bad father, and to the contrary, the more time they spend together away from your supervision, the more dad will learn about being a primary carer for his son.

If you want to get a schedule in place that gives the best chance of getting agreement from the father while supporting the child in having a relationship with both of you, you'll offer reasonable care arrangements that include overnights.

 

[sammy01]

So, my thoughts on a fair schedule for a child who is nearly 2? Alternate weekend Friday till Sunday morning. Every Wednesday night from 4pm till 10am and a 2-3 hour visit on the weekend when he doesn't have the overnights...

Now that is roughly what I had with my 12 month old. And just like you, my ex will tell you that I am a deadbeat dad and a waste of oxygen. Now I wound up with 5 nights a fortnight with my kids and that started from the time the youngest was about 30 months old.

So you mentioned seeing a solicitor. Ok. But I'm just trying to save you some money. Between my solicitor and my ex's solicitor, we blew about $30 000 without ever going to court. Why? Because my ex was adamant that I was useless and should only be allowed to see the kids when it suited her. And only while I agreed with her conditions. So maybe you can save yourself some money from my opinion.

 

[AllForHer]

Agree with the above. Alternate weekends for two nights, plus one overnight during the week ensures the child's relationship with each parent is preserved and allowed to flourish, without causing the child any emotional distress from being away from one or the other for periods that are untenable for his age.

It's what he would probably get in court, if not more, so no reason to waste $30,000 fighting about it before a judge.

 

[SamanthaJay]

I did not read from Carolyne's post that she didn't want the father to have the child overnight. She said that the father thinks he can come and go as he pleases and when it suits him. She wants set times in place which is fair and reasonable for all concerned, especially the child.

 

[AllForHer]

One poster asked why she was not open to overnight time, the response was:

Because I did all the looking after of our son when he was living with us. He is very attached to me. His dad has said that he is a sh*t father and even told our son to come back to him when he was 4 and can communicate better.

I took the same conclusion - that overnight time was not currently under consideration.

In any case, nobody here disagrees that routine and a schedule is best for the child. Indeed, both suggestions have reflected exactly that.

 

[SamanthaJay]

Ok, I can see from where you came to that conclusion. Sammy the mind reader