NSW Does Proving Emotional Abuse Have an Impact on Family Law?

[RoyalBlue]

Hello,

I have been divorced for 3 years and separated for 5. I would like to understand if there is anything I can do from a legal perspective about the current situation:

My ex-husband is very angry with me because while we have consent orders that cites 50:50 shared care and custody of children - in our 50:50 shared parenting arrangement that we have had in place for many years, I have not been able to adjust our plan to give him the specific days he wants to be kid-free.

At every possible opportunity he gets, he criticises me: tells me I am a bad/irresponsible/selfish, etc parent. He withholds information about some of our child's activities at school, he refuses to share costs for our child including costs for haircuts, extra shoes, extra curricular activities and specifically has stated in emails that he does this because of his personal grievance with me. I have been tolerating this ongoing emotional abuse for all these years.

Currently, I have asked him to agree to sign for a passport so I can take our son on a return trip overseas to a holiday destination with no flight risk at all involved. We have been to mediation earlier this year and while we couldn't agree, re his changes to the parenting plan, we did agree (at the time) that if either wanted a passport, the other would agree to sign for it and that I would pay to have the passport held in a co-signed box at the bank.

I have now followed through to ask him to sign for a passport application but he has refused saying it is simply because I have been unreasonable with his requests for a change to the parenting plan.

Is there any way I can prove the ongoing emotional abuse and does this hold any grounds from a legal point of view when it comes to finding a way to get a passport for my child? I am being blackmailed given that my ex-husband is holding me to ransom with the passport application until I give him the days he wants in our parenting plan.

Please provide any info you can.

With gratitude I await any replies and help or comments from others in similar cases.

 

[Carmel Torney]

Hi RoyalBlue,

Depending upon when you are intending to travel, you may wish to try mediation once more specifically on the passport issue, having a completed application and parental consent on hand so he can take away to have his consent verified.

Otherwise you can obtain a section 60I certificate from the mediator and apply to the Court to authorise the passport. This may take some time if he opposes the application but not as long as hearing on all parenting issues. But you ran the risk your ex in his reply he brings up his other parenting issues (but the passport could then be dealt with on an interim basis).


Any response provided is information only and should not be considered legal advice. You should obtain legal advice specific to your circumstances before making important decisions.

 

[sammy01]

So what... (sorry but by then end of my post you won't hate me so much) but so what and who cares? What will be achieved by proving he is a big mean nasty guy? Nothing... ziltch. No one cares...

Oops I tell a lie. You care. Not legal advice right now. Just personal experience. Stop caring. This requires practice... a little zen Buddhist advice not legal advice... Stop caring about his crazy stuff. Life will get better once you actively practice not caring...

Next... Does he pay child support? If yes, then he is already paying for haircuts, etc... I know, I know... Child support isn't enough. Yup... maybe... but he has no legal obligation to pay for haircuts and sorry, but you are dumb to even ask. Why? Well you know he will say no. Why ask? Just so he can say no to you? Well that is a waste of time.

Passports. Go to Tasmania. Go to Cairns. Some fights are not worth it...

Or learn to compromise... What changes does he want in the parenting? Why not accommodate it?
Your argument is he is being difficult... bet if I asked him he would say you are the difficult one?
Solution? Learn a bit of give and take. Life will get better and your kids will appreciate it. Alternative solution? Tasmania...

Alternative solution? Court. Put in a court application to get the passport. But I like my other solutions better

 

[RoyalBlue]

Thanks Sammy01 for your reply.

I have taken a "dont care" approach for so long now. His criticisms of me are mostly like white noise to me that i dont pay alot of attention to however blocking me from taking our child overseas was the proverbial "straw that broke the camels back."

Also for the record, i pay HIM child support AND i pay for the other things like extra curricular things etc. You are totally right though that it is not worth the drama to bother asking him to pay for anything so I will stop causing myself frustration in doing so. Thank you for that reality slap appreciated.

The challenge is that I cannot give him the days that he wants in the schedule to do his dance class when I work in a profession where i need consistent days to see my clients on. I also have a partner of 4 years and our parenting plans with our respective children are aligned. I am not going to disrupt the flow of our entire house of pickups and drop offs and kidfree days just so my ex can attend a dance class. His job is sporadic and flexible, mine is steady and fixed.

I appreciate your reflections though Sammy01

So what... (sorry but by then end of my post you won't hate me so much) but so what and who cares? What will be achieved by proving he is a big mean nasty guy? Nothing... ziltch. No one cares...

Oops I tell a lie. You care. Not legal advice right now. Just personal experience. Stop caring. This requires practice... a little zen Buddhist advice not legal advice... Stop caring about his crazy stuff. Life will get better once you actively practice not caring...

Next... Does he pay child support? If yes, then he is already paying for haircuts, etc... I know, I know... Child support isn't enough. Yup... maybe... but he has no legal obligation to pay for haircuts and sorry, but you are dumb to even ask. Why? Well you know he will say no. Why ask? Just so he can say no to you? Well that is a waste of time.

Passports. Go to Tasmania. Go to Cairns. Some fights are not worth it...

Or learn to compromise... What changes does he want in the parenting? Why not accommodate it?
Your argument is he is being difficult... bet if I asked him he would say you are the difficult one?
Solution? Learn a bit of give and take. Life will get better and your kids will appreciate it. Alternative solution? Tasmania...

Alternative solution? Court. Put in a court application to get the passport. But I like my other solutions better

.

 

[RoyalBlue]

Thankyou Carmel Torney, Yes I think this is likely what I will do if he continues to block the process. I know that mediation is the best way and will do that. I imagine that only once my child is old enough to speak for himself this may become easier for my ex to hear his son's needs separate to mine.

I will pursue mediation if things dont improve.

Is there any way of proving emotional abuse and its impact on the parenting relationship?

Sometimes i think he is so lacking in child focus that he is detrimental to our child.

Hi RoyalBlue,

Depending upon when you are intending to travel, you may wish to try mediation once more specifically on the passport issue, having a completed application and parental consent on hand so he can take away to have his consent verified.

Otherwise you can obtain a section 60I certificate from the mediator and apply to the Court to authorise the passport. This may take some time if he opposes the application but not as long as hearing on all parenting issues. But you ran the risk your ex in his reply he brings up his other parenting issues (but the passport could then be dealt with on an interim basis).


Any response provided is information only and should not be considered legal advice. You should obtain legal advice specific to your circumstances before making important decisions.

 

[Corinne]

Is it a parenting plan or consent orders? Both are different. One is legally binding, the other is not.

How is the 50:50 shared care supposed to take place according to the consent orders? Because he cannot change those just because he feels like it. What is he proposing instead?

Sounds to me like sorting out the underlying issue is the only way to fix the passport problem.