WA Parent Breaching Consent Orders - What to Do?

[Felica]

Hey Everyone,

I separated from my spouse when my baby was 2 months old for domestic violence reasons. My 2-year-old had been exposed to so much and I promised my baby I would find a better life for him.

Consent orders were signed and the babies live with me full time. They are to see their father on mutual consent. He set out a plan on when he wished to see them and I have always made the kids available on those times. Recently he brought the eldest child back after 15 mins saying that he didn't want to be here, in the middle of an agreed 2-hour visit.

He has no time for the baby who is now 1 - didn't even say happy birthday to him or write a card.

I have asked him to not come into my home anymore as the verbal abuse has not stopped and I have to have people over when he picks up the kids. But the last two supposed nights he has not shown at all. I only text him regarding the babies as he berated me for not allowing him in my house.

By not allowing access to my house, I have not changed the times nor days he can see the babies.

I want him to have a relationship with the babies, both babies - but I don't understand how he could a month ago ask for more time to not showing up at all. He has not texted me as to why or for a substitute time.

He has also stopped paying child support for the last 4 months.

I have been told to get an AVO as I am legitimately scared of him. The last time he was over because he changed the day, I was by myself and he walked straight into my house and it took a long time for me to get him to leave.

I am just at a loss at what I should be doing.

 

[sammy01]

Child support - call the child support agency.

Make change overs at a neutral location - McDonalds is often used.

You can't make him pick up the kids / see the kids. It is by agreement - so if he doesn't wanna organise a time, nothing you can do about it.

 

[Felica]

All payments have been through CSA - they allowed him to go onto paying them direct. Despite him saying in text he wouldn't pay. I have been in contact with them but they keep saying their hands are tied. They have a case against him but have said ultimately I will probably not get the money. Going forward they have requested collection from his employer but I have the feeling he has quit his job.

The only issue with the handovers is my 1-year-old is normally sleeping on the changeover time, actually both boys are. So it would be a disruption to them. He will not take them from any other place. I think he just wants to come into my house and watch TV and eat my food like he had been doing previously whilst I took care of the kids.

I just feel sad for the eldest, he was heartbroken when he didn't show up. He knows what he should be doing on what day and he was just completely gutted. The only person he is hurting is his child.

 

[sammy01]

So sometimes the folks who post here are doing all they can to make it hard on the other parent. Just for the moment, I'm gonna pretend you're one of them. Maybe you are - maybe you're not. So I take issue with this bit...

"The only issue with the handovers is my 1-year-old is normally sleeping on the changeover time, actually both boys are"

So change the time - how easy is that to fix.

See, my ex used to say similar things. So let me give you an example. We had to meet at McDonald's. I had the kids for 2 hours. The youngest was 6 months old. So she would have them at McDonald's a bit early - the older kids would be eating and she would tell me the youngest one needed breast feeding. So basically she was dictating that my measly 2 hours was spent mostly at Macca's - with her there... Not exactly what I wanted.

Oh and "I have a feeling he quit his job" the law doesn't work on 'I have a feeling'. If he works and pays tax he will pay child support.

So, it is your house, you don't have to let him in. Simple

If he doesn't make arrangements to see the kids, that is his call. Nothing you can do about it.

I'd strongly encourage you to organise mediation with Relationships Australia. It is important both parents learn to communicate for parenting to work. Maybe you both still have a bit to learn on that front. Look, it ain't easy and maybe it takes a bit of mutual compassion. So let me give you an example, I was an idiot.

When I was only seeing my youngest for 1 hour a week, I had an AVO against me and the ex was making my life hell. I was happy to give up on the youngest - my idiotic thinking was one hour a week wasn't enough to form the bond parent and child needs so I was gonna give up. Stupid me. Now I can also find compassion for the ex's thinking. She kicked me out. Fine, but all of a sudden she had 3 kids and no help from me.

Her financial situation was crap because she didn't realise that my financial contribution to the relationship was significantly more than the child support that I paid her. So she was financially sinking. Her response was to try and control everything, including making me feel guilty for her situation. She was trying to control the situation but she couldn't and that made her even more difficult to deal with....

So my thinking - try and look at the situation differently to get a better result...