Hi I’m wanting some advice, my ex and I have been getting on great and have had a good schedule for the kids done via consent orders. Him and his gf have been fighting a lot over the past 6 months and it has evolved into physical violence in front of the kids 3 all at primary school. She has children as well and the kids have all witnessed it and got involved trying to stop it happening. He broke it off with her but stayed at the house (thy have split more times than I can count) I’m not sure what her reasons were definitely to cause him pain but she sent me evidence of his physical violence by way of video photos of bruising and told me they are both addicted to ice and that he uses daily. The video clearly shows him talking to the kids in the middle of the fight. My children have come home telling me about these fights each time they go my youngest started crying three weeks ago as he didn’t want to stay there anymore, my ex was happy for them to stay with me until he moves out but now I know about the drug abuse I don’t even feel safe letting them in the car, I wrotenup some temporary consent orders that allows me to request random drug testing and that he attends rehab before resuming driving with the kids and overnight stays as well as they are not to be around his ex. He agreed to sign them but has now reneged and he took 5 days to complete the first drug test had every excuse under the sun I think he waited to get it out of his system. He has been acting really strange and keeps focusing on his ex telling me and gets so angry rather than actually trying to fix the problem or care about the kids. Then he gets angry and tells me he is picking the kids up from school and I can’t stop him. I can’t reason with him and had to end the conversation. What can I do? I called child safety but because they have one parent willing and able to protect them they won’t get involved.
QLD Drugs and DV other parent
- Thread starter Snapchat07
- Start date
You have consent orders, so you don't have any right to just 'draft up some new consent orders' and expect dad to follow them. All he has to do is take you back to Court for contravening them and what are you going to say?
'But his ex-girlfriend said...?'
The ex-girlfriend is a) obviously going through a hard break-up, b) can't prove the bruises were caused by her ex and c) is giving you nothing but hear-say evidence anyway, which isn't admissible in Court.
I wouldn't make this withholding-the-kids nonsense a long-term plan for yourself. Like I said, you aren't in a position to simply abandon the consent orders and implement your own...
'But his ex-girlfriend said...?'
The ex-girlfriend is a) obviously going through a hard break-up, b) can't prove the bruises were caused by her ex and c) is giving you nothing but hear-say evidence anyway, which isn't admissible in Court.
I wouldn't make this withholding-the-kids nonsense a long-term plan for yourself. Like I said, you aren't in a position to simply abandon the consent orders and implement your own...
His partner sending you videos of them fighting?? Sounds like a stitch up... His partner says they take ice? he uses every day... Sounds like a stitch up...
He takes Ice everyday? That stuff is addictive... IF he was taking it everyday, then took 5 days off because you wanted a drug screen? Can you see the contradiction?
So I can see glaring holes in the story..
Kids come home crying? Look, you don't have the right to make up your own orders and tell him that is what is going to happen.
What you can do is keep the kids if you believe the kids are not safe with him. But I would not base my assumption on the word of a woman who is prepared to film a fight because I see that as her trying to 'prove' him guilty... I wonder what happened in the minutes leading up to the filming started??? see my point.
He takes Ice everyday? That stuff is addictive... IF he was taking it everyday, then took 5 days off because you wanted a drug screen? Can you see the contradiction?
So I can see glaring holes in the story..
Kids come home crying? Look, you don't have the right to make up your own orders and tell him that is what is going to happen.
What you can do is keep the kids if you believe the kids are not safe with him. But I would not base my assumption on the word of a woman who is prepared to film a fight because I see that as her trying to 'prove' him guilty... I wonder what happened in the minutes leading up to the filming started??? see my point.
Sorry I should clarify he has had an ice addiction in the past and he has admitted it to me and his parents this time and apologised and is willing to do whatever is required to get off it, at least he was! Ice is out of your system in 2 days he agreed to do a hair follicle drug test which will show the past three months or more of drug use and how bad it is but is now saying no, he also said he will do random drug testing within 24 hours but like I said he took 5 days to do it. Just because he had a negative one doesn’t mean he is suddenly not an addict, Ice is very addictive I have witnessed his previous attempt to get off it he could go a week without it then he would start up again on the sly he spent thousands of dollars, this is an already very stressful time for me as a parent trying to make the right decision for my kids. Do I let him just continue on with the current arrangement and hope he is off the drugs without anything to stand on should he not be? If something happens to my children because he is under the influence or worse on a comedown which is when he is volatile I couldn’t live with myself! I don’t want to do the wrong thing I feel like both your reply’s are attacking me for asking the questions! I spoke to relationships Australia and their legal team who are the ones that told me I need to do up new orders and temporarily suspend the previous orders and to include the random drug testing hair follicle testing and a plan to get back to the current orders it’s very straightforward and he was initially willing to sign them. He has no fixed abode at the moment as he has been staying at different friends houses due to his ex. The video she sent me was of him attacking her with the kids in the background, (my kids) the police were called and they both got dc orders put on by the police. The police have been called to their house 4 times in the past 6 months while my kids were there and probably more times that I don’t know about. I’m not an awful person trying to keep the kids from their dad, I feel sorry for him and want to keep our current arrangement but I am also angry at him for taking up Ice again while the kids have been in his care! Obviously with his admission of guilt and the domestic violence it’s not a safe place for the kids! Or do you both think it is? This is really stressing me out I cannot sleep at night I’m trying to do what’s best for everyone but I can’t just carry on like nothings happened. It’s not just hearsay from the ex I have proof and he has admitted to it. You don’t just stop being an addict overnight!
You spoke to the mediators? Did they grant a cert 60I or did you request a new appointment to start the process all over again?
From my understanding with consent orders, to get them changed you need to restart the process from mediation to filing all over again.
If you have concerns about your childrens safety you do have options, and you can file for orders to protect your children from people who associate with their father...
This is coming across as if his ex is playing mind games with him, you, and the kids because she is angry at him. Save what you have from her, block her on everything, apply privately for orders to protect your children (they are your concern here). She has no business getting involved and if there is an actual risk of harm, be the mum and put your foot down.
If there isnt any immediate risk, try negotiations through mediation again, if you can't get the 60I cert, and utilise a free 1 hour session from a family law solicitor on varying the orders at the stage they are at.
No one here is attacking you tho, (I have my own thread going and they are blunt with me too). The reality is, you are asking questions regarding the current and future life of your kids. They are the innocent party to everything and you have a duty of care to facilitate the relationship with their father BUT not his ex, stop entertaining her, its not helping.
If the father screws up, he screws up, you are not his mum, you don't need to fix his screw ups or deal with his ex's.
Take care of your kids and stop allowing her access to them. If he has no fixed address negotiate a day time visitation schedule until he has his own place.
You have options but you need to be prepared exercise them...
From my understanding with consent orders, to get them changed you need to restart the process from mediation to filing all over again.
If you have concerns about your childrens safety you do have options, and you can file for orders to protect your children from people who associate with their father...
This is coming across as if his ex is playing mind games with him, you, and the kids because she is angry at him. Save what you have from her, block her on everything, apply privately for orders to protect your children (they are your concern here). She has no business getting involved and if there is an actual risk of harm, be the mum and put your foot down.
If there isnt any immediate risk, try negotiations through mediation again, if you can't get the 60I cert, and utilise a free 1 hour session from a family law solicitor on varying the orders at the stage they are at.
No one here is attacking you tho, (I have my own thread going and they are blunt with me too). The reality is, you are asking questions regarding the current and future life of your kids. They are the innocent party to everything and you have a duty of care to facilitate the relationship with their father BUT not his ex, stop entertaining her, its not helping.
If the father screws up, he screws up, you are not his mum, you don't need to fix his screw ups or deal with his ex's.
Take care of your kids and stop allowing her access to them. If he has no fixed address negotiate a day time visitation schedule until he has his own place.
You have options but you need to be prepared exercise them...
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