1. a decade ago, I was young and dumb. I fell into a sexual assault victim the first time. a date took me in his car to a place in the middle of no where, and demanded sex. I said no many times, and just wanted him to take me home. he became more and more aggressive and angry. I was new to the area and knew no one. he refused to take me home and said i could go out and go home by myself. He knew i was scared as i told him i couldnt go home by myself. the vibe was hostile. I was panicking and he then manipulated me saying if I give a BJ he would then take me home. I hesitated for a long time but I just wanted to get out of there and agreed to give him BJ. it bothered me for years after this, 5 years later of the assault, i reported this to police. he admitted everything and was charged with 'compel a person to sexually manipulate the offender'. in court his lawyer argued that it was not compel as i was not locked in, no physical restraint on me, I could have gone out but agreed anyway. case dropped by DPP.
my question is if this charge doesnt work for the case, is there another charge he could fall into? is what he did legal? he knew very well that I did not want to give him BJ, but he took it anyway. My decision was made under extreme distress and pressure from him. surely that should not be considered as a consent made under free will voluntarily? how can the DPP just drop it like that?
2nd encounter was recent. went into a date's house, he asked for oral.
'can you give me head?' 'No.'
' Please?' ' No i dont like it'.
'Pretty please?' he pulled a cute face as saying it.
I felt very uncomfortable and kinda just froze and gave in, said ' you have to do me first.'
he went down on me, then i went down on him, hesitantly. I really did not want to.
I did have consensual sex with him later, but the 'consent' I gave for the BJ really bothered me so much. my decision was heavily influenced by him begging me. it was not completely voluntary and not under my free will.
I blamed myself almost constantly for not standing my ground on it. moreover, 2nd time with a similar situation, giving in by pressure. as if I did not learn over the years!
I read a lot afterwards, researched the technicalities of 'sexual manipulation' ' coercion' 'consent' etc.
is it legal to have sexual act done with someone who you know does not want to do the sexual act?? does the consent need to be completely voluntary under free will? what do their behaviours fall under? misconduct? assault?
my question is if this charge doesnt work for the case, is there another charge he could fall into? is what he did legal? he knew very well that I did not want to give him BJ, but he took it anyway. My decision was made under extreme distress and pressure from him. surely that should not be considered as a consent made under free will voluntarily? how can the DPP just drop it like that?
2nd encounter was recent. went into a date's house, he asked for oral.
'can you give me head?' 'No.'
' Please?' ' No i dont like it'.
'Pretty please?' he pulled a cute face as saying it.
I felt very uncomfortable and kinda just froze and gave in, said ' you have to do me first.'
he went down on me, then i went down on him, hesitantly. I really did not want to.
I did have consensual sex with him later, but the 'consent' I gave for the BJ really bothered me so much. my decision was heavily influenced by him begging me. it was not completely voluntary and not under my free will.
I blamed myself almost constantly for not standing my ground on it. moreover, 2nd time with a similar situation, giving in by pressure. as if I did not learn over the years!
I read a lot afterwards, researched the technicalities of 'sexual manipulation' ' coercion' 'consent' etc.
is it legal to have sexual act done with someone who you know does not want to do the sexual act?? does the consent need to be completely voluntary under free will? what do their behaviours fall under? misconduct? assault?
