NSW Wife's Ex Saying Lies on Affidavit - What to Do?

Discussion in 'Family Law Forum' started by Stevie_Beavie, 6 February 2017.

  1. Stevie_Beavie

    Stevie_Beavie Active Member

    Joined:
    6 February 2017
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    My wife recently went to court because her ex wouldn't give her son back. Long story short - we got him back after she picked him up from school on the first day of school. We had a family court hearing the following day. The judge was happy to have my wife have her son back.

    When my wife lodged her affidavit with the family court, she brought up history that her ex doesn't want to have surface. He retaliated by writing an affidavit slandering my wife and saying that their son was saying a lot of very bad things about her and myself.

    Now that the initial court hearing is over, my wife has taken the court ordered drug screening that her ex asked the judge to order. My wife requested it was mutual, which was granted.

    What happens now? How long does it take to get the results from the drug screening?

    My wife, her ex and their son are to attend an F11 child inclusive conference next March and then return to family court in April. My wife picked her ex's affidavit to pieces and provided the little evidence she could to prove her ex is lying. My wife has collected references and phone numbers of people who can testify that my wife's ex is lying about certain things.

    We don't know what to do now! We are terrified that when we go back to court the judge will look at my wife's ex's affidavit and think my wife is all these bad things that they wrote about her.

    My wife isn't trying to stop her ex from being in their son's life. On the contrary she is asking that they have every second weekend, half all holidays and an extra day each week for her son and his father to do after school sport. Is this something that a judge will consider fair?
     
  2. Hayder Shkara

    Hayder Shkara Lawyer
    LawTap Verified

    Joined:
    16 January 2017
    Messages:
    121
    Likes Received:
    25
    Stevie - sadly this is an all too common scenario for many family law situations.

    Lying in affidavits, vilifying parents and making up evidence. It's just too familiar to my ears.

    With the limited information of the case, I will try and answer your questions as best as i can.

    Depending on the orders made by the court, you may or may not receive the results from the screening. However, from experience, it depends on the lab upon you are receiving them from. Some provide a quick service whilst others take a few weeks.

    This happens all the time. You just have to put forward your best evidence. Affidavit's annexures, documents that can disprove the claims that the ex is making.

    What is he asking for?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    MartyK likes this.
  3. AllForHer

    AllForHer Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    23 July 2014
    Messages:
    3,664
    Likes Received:
    679
    So, first, I have no idea how long it takes to get the results for a drug screening. You can probably contact the institution that conducted the screening for an approximate time frame.

    Next, the affidavit.

    Look, Family Court is an adversarial battleground, where parents come to compete instead of co-operate, and ironically, that tends to be the exact opposite to what the judges want from the parties. A parent who shows they're willing to co-parent peacefully and can make concessions about the other is generally looked upon more favourably than the parent who uses their affidavit to vent all of their qualms with their former spouse. Remember, as well, that evidence isn't evidence until it's tested under cross-examination. Generally speaking, a mere statement in an affidavit with no supporting evidence isn't often given much weight.

    What are the current care arrangements like?

    How old is the child?

    What kind of care is the father seeking?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  4. Stevie_Beavie

    Stevie_Beavie Active Member

    Joined:
    6 February 2017
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thank you both for your replies.

    My wife isn't worried about the results from the drug screening, she has not used drugs since early 2011 when she experimented with ecstasy with a former partner. She is anxious to know what her ex's results are as he is a former drug dealer and his wife, mother in law and father in law all do drugs which he has not denied. We can't imagine he would be the only one living there and not doing drugs given his history.

    My wife has dedicated all her spare time to proving her innocence, she has even started a diary of all the food the kids eat, when they bath, anytime her son plays up etc... She is adamant to prove she is a good mum.

    Her ex is asking for full custody based on the lies they have told about my wife in their affidavit. There is a whole page dedicated just to things they are saying her son said even though it's unethical to drag the child into their fight. My wife's ex's wife and mother in law have convinced my wife's son that he needs to live with them instead of with his mummy.

    For almost 8 years the mother has been the primary carer, the father showed no real interest in his son until he got engaged to his current wife 2 years ago. Since then there was an arrangement for the father to spend an afternoon each fortnight with his son because they lived 3 and a half hours away. We moved 2 and a half hours closer for their benefit and they got more time with my wife's son.

    Since the first hearing the arrangements are as follows: Week 1 Tuesday night, pick up from school Tuesday afternoon and return to school Wednesday morning. Week 2 Tuesday afternoon, pick up from school and return home by 7:30pm and Friday from after school to Monday morning before school. And the only other thing in the orders is half school holidays for the first 3 holidays of the year. The only change my wife wants is that Tuesday night not be over night anymore because of the distance from the school and the fact that the child's father isn't involved in the care for the child, his wife is in control and has been using that time to manipulate my wife.

    My wife wants to keep every second weekend from Friday after school to Monday before school, make every Tuesday from after school until 7:30pm, half all school holidays including Christmas but with Christmas being week on week off due to the fathers current shenanigans with retaining the child during the Christmas holidays after he was due to be returned home.

    My wife's son is only 7. My wife's ex has been including her son in all discussions regarding living arrangements and court proceedings which the court put a stop to last week. My wife's ex's wife and mother in law have completely ignored these orders. They were shown the riot act by a barrister at court last week and told that due to the child's age they should not be including him in such a delicate matter and cannot give a true opinion until the age of 12 that will hold weight in court.

    From the other parties apparent point of view we are bad parents and are not providing a safe environment for my wife's son. My wife is a fantastic mother and even if I have made mistakes I would never harm another person let alone a child so am myself insulted by the lies that have been put to the court in the other parties affidavit.
     
  5. AllForHer

    AllForHer Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    23 July 2014
    Messages:
    3,664
    Likes Received:
    679
    Okay, so, first...relax. If mum is already the primary carer and has not tried to stop the child from seeing his dad, then it's unlikely the Court will reverse residency. It has to take some extenuating circumstances for a court to be persuaded that a change of residency is in the best interests of the child. Based on what you've said, it doesn't sound likely at all that that will be the case here.

    Now, the Court isn't going to put much weight on the views of a seven-year-old, so whatever he allegedly said according to the ex's affidavit is really just going to be he-said-she-said and not worth the paper it's written on.

    The only real way that will change is if the Court orders that a family report be completed and the child regurgitates the same concerns to the family consultant who writes the report. Kids aren't idiots - what they say to mum and dad is often very different to what they say to a person who they're not seeking approval or attention from.

    Realistically, the onus is on dad to prove that a change of residency is in the best interests of the child, rather than on your partner to prove that the child should stay living with her.

    I would also consider letting go of the Tuesday overnight and letting dad keep it. See, the Court has to first consider if equal time is appropriate and failing that, if substantial and significant time is the better option. Substantial and significant time comprises a combination of weekdays, weekends and special occasions, so like it or not, there's a very high chance that he will get at least five nights a fortnight, if not more. In cases where residency is in contest, it's often better for the primary carer to show the Court that they are willing to facilitate the relationship between the child and the other parent by being generous with the care arrangements.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  6. Stevie_Beavie

    Stevie_Beavie Active Member

    Joined:
    6 February 2017
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    We will all be attending an F11 Child Inclusive Conference in March so my wife's son will get a chance to talk with a psychologist and an Independent Children's Lawyer will present the information from said conference at the next court hearing in April. My wife is doing her best to be fair and as hard as it can be sometimes with the constant harassment from her ex's wife, she is doing her best to hide everything from her son so that he doesn't get dragged through the mud.

    My step son is known for playing his mum and dad against each other and my wife and her ex have fought over this before. Luckily my wife has a copy of the email communication regarding this.

    My wife is OCD about everything... I don't think she is capable of stopping her endeavor to prove she is a good mum. She has given her solicitor photos of every room in the house, her sons clothes, cutlery, photos of her son eating healthy meals... it's never ending. I don't know what can fix this except for the final hearing to pass so she has peace of mind. The harassment from her ex and his wife is fueling her need to prove herself.

    My wife has always encouraged her ex to spend time with his son, they used to argue non stop about it until she finally went to mediation to get him to enter into a parenting plan. We are hoping that the judge will see this and know we did the best we could so my step son would have his father in his life. With a little persuasion she will probably let go of the Tuesday overnight. At the moment she feels like she will never trust them again and they are doing nothing to earn that trust back.

    Is it possible to have an order made to have other members of the household in which my step son will be residing in to have a random drug screening done. My wife's ex did not deny his families use of drugs in his affidavit, he just said to the best of his knowledge his wife and inlaws have not exposed his son to the drugs. This does not mean they aren't under the influence of the drugs even if they used the drugs out of site.

    The other thing we were wondering about is how many people are actually allowed to go into the court room. My wife's ex took 5 people into court with him last week whereas only myself went in with my wife as a support person. Is it intimidation for all of them to go in together? We feel it is unethical and my wife's ex should also only be able to take 1 support person as well.
     
  7. AllForHer

    AllForHer Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    23 July 2014
    Messages:
    3,664
    Likes Received:
    679
    A parenting order cannot bind any party except the parties, so no, you can't have the Court make an order for other residents of the household to undertake a drug screening. Just to be clear, as well, the ex's statement in his affidavit about not exposing the child to drugs is denial. People who have nothing to hide generally won't see any reason to exaggerate in an affidavit.

    As for who can go into Court, anyone can sit in the public viewing area, except witnesses until after they have been cross-examined. Judges have been known to comment on the volume of family members sitting in on a hearing, often in the negative, but there isn't much a party can do about it.

    I think it's really important that you understand that even though you are a step-parent, there is no 'we' in a parenting dispute. The Court doesn't look highly in step-parents who overstep their boundaries and try to play the role of parent instead of step-parent. A parent is expected to understand that the child's relationship with the mother and father is more significant than any other, so they should perhaps be less stringent with the child's time with the other parent than with the step-parent. You may want to do away with comments like "we did the best we could", since his care arrangements aren't up to you.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  8. Stevie_Beavie

    Stevie_Beavie Active Member

    Joined:
    6 February 2017
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ok. My wife mostly worried about her son doing a little 'exploring' as is natural for a child his age, and him finding something he shouldn't and eating it (he has a history of 'exploring' and crawled onto a sink while my wife was pregnant with our younger son and played with the pain meds she was prescribed in hospital, while everyone was still sleeping in the early morning.

    This was of course taken care of immediately. She is also worried about the exposure he may have of the drugs as he gets older as his fathers family are activists in the pro drug community. Obviously if nothing can be done then nothing can be done. What will happen though, if in the future my wife's son does partake of drugs whilst in my wife's ex's care? What would be the procedure to follow in those circumstances?

    My wife feels intimidated by the size of the family attending in the public viewing area. Even though it is permitted if she were to mention it to her lawyer and her lawyer brought this forward to the judge, would the judge possibly maybe consider it intimidation and comment on it then? I feel the answer will still be that there is nothing that can be done about it but I thought I would elaborate on the question just in case their is information we can use here.

    Yes, I realize that I can't overstep my boundaries and I am on board in helping my step son spend time with his father. My wife generally does not allow me to interfere and does all the decision making regarding her son. "we" was a bad choice of words on my part, sorry. I am supportive of my wife through this court case was what I meant to say.

    What happens when the court tries the information that both parties have put to the court regarding each others accusations against the other? Because my wife's ex has lied about a lot of stuff what will happen if we can at least prove that some of what he is saying is false, even if it's in all the minor things like dates, living arrangements, work related stuff for example? Will he get into trouble or will they just throw his affidavit out because his credibility will have been brought into question?
     
  9. Stevie_Beavie

    Stevie_Beavie Active Member

    Joined:
    6 February 2017
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    I should elaborate that there is more my wife can prove that her ex lied about then just a few minor things.
     
Loading...

Share This Page

Loading...
gt;