NSW Visitation After Mental Health Treatment?

[MrWoof]

Urgent help required please!

My wife is a diagnosed Bipolar II sufferer and has recently been told by her psychiatrist that she should seek help for sex addiction. Her condition has been deteriorating over the 16 years we've been together and her episodes have become worse.

The neglect and danger she puts the children in when she's in a manic state is unbelievable and I've had to fight tooth and nail in the past to make sure they're safe. During the last few episodes, I've managed to bring my 10-year old-back home after she was subjected to abuse and neglect in one case, and managed to keep her home in this last case as I refused, and quite frankly, wasn't opposed, to let her be in her mother's presence alone.

The part that breaks my heart is the fact that the last two times, she's not wanted to go with her mother in any case. This time, she refuses to see or speak with her unless I reassure her that "daddy will be there and just remember, mummy is sick, she loves you and this is not her". She still then puts conditions on seeing her mother like "She can't hug me or kiss me, she can't make a fuss and if she starts going off, we're out of there!"

Her mother's manic state not only leaves her incapable of making logical decisions, but in fact sees nothing wrong with some of the decisions she makes both while the kids are with her or not. As she is an adult, I can't force her hand on any decision she makes that affects her, but I can't have my children be influenced or affected by her reckless behaviour.

As I said, her condition has been diagnosed, her treatments documented and I have supporting evidence of everything I'm claiming and everything she has done that I believe will put my daughter in danger whilst in her custody/care. I understand you may think supervised visitations are an option however even when this has happened in the past, she has still managed to hurt my daughter verbally by telling her things like "we'll be together soon" or "I'll see you every day" or "I'll make sure I call you and hear your voice every day", and then never makes good on her promises.

This has happened so often that when I last asked my daughter if she wanted to see mum (not at her mum's behest, I was just thinking it could do both of them some good), her response was "Nah, maybe when she grows up a little".

My 17-year-old son wants nothing to do with his mother, and she absolutely adores her big brother. I get the feeling that every time she has to see her mum, she feels guilty; like she's betraying her big brother!

The stories are endless and as I said, I have evidence of every claim I'll be making, I just want to know 3 things:

- How much weight does her medical history carry?

- How much weight do my daughter's wishes carry?

- In the past, we've let her come back home because she's promised to seek help and follow through with it. She's only ever started therapy seriously and then things slowly deteriorate. I want sole custody of children and guardianship and due to previous occurrences (I think this is the 12th or 13th time she's left home/the marriage for varying periods), I will only consider allowing her mother to see our daughter after she goes through with therapy.

Do you think this is a reasonable request and if so, what are the chances of a judge ruling in this favour?

Thank you in advance

 

[sammy01]

I would not even bother with court - Tell mum she can see the kid(s) once she has applied to court and without any court orders you've got no oblgation to provide access to the kids for her.
By the sounds of it she won't get her act together enough to make the court applicaiton. But if she does get back to us then

 

[MrWoof]

Thanks Sammy, however, I think you've underestimated Bipolar II disorder.

When the devil on one shoulder kicks the angel off the other, they're capable of convincing a stranger of anything!

Pretty sure she's already spoken to, or seen Legal Aid regarding visitation. What I was asking was whether or not, and if so, how much influence the above 3 would have on the ruling. As far as evidence is concerned, I keep everything forever (occupational habit), so I've got supporting documents to all of my claims, as well as her medical history dating back 16 years.

As I said, I've got no problem in her seeing my daughter, but in her present state, this isn't my daughter's mum; and I can't risk any further damage to my family.

Thanks again for your help

 

[sammy01]

Are you still 'technically' living with her?

10-year-old? Look, if mum ain't living with you, I'd suggest that while the general rule is 12 years old before the courts will listen to a kid's opinion, you do have some stuff going for you.

Is there a history of time in mental health units for mum?

 

[MrWoof]

Thanks again Sam,

Again, this is the 12th or 13th time she's "left" me in total but only the 7th or 8th time she's actually moved out. This last episode saw her move out on the 4th or 6th of December 2016.

As for history, she's been with doctor after doctor and was simply diagnosed with depression since we met in 2001. She was a patient at Penrith PIALA (?) mental health ward and then we were getting home visits a few times a week till they were assured she wouldn't be a threat to herself or the kids. That was in 2006-2007.

After that, we had a few smaller break ups (1-4 weeks at a time) until a massive episode in 2014. It was then we saw a new psychologist who suspected otherwise and referred us to her current psychiatrist who told us she'd been misdiagnosed all this time which meant she was on the wrong meds. She's been having manic episodes at least twice a year for the last God knows how many and the last 2 years episodes (4 in total), have been considerably worse.

I was actually told by her psychiatrist in December last year to call the hospital and have her scheduled immediately however as it was after hours, the team responsible wasn't there and the ones looking after things didn't do it properly so it all fell apart and she slipped through

What I'm saying is, her mental health record is long and documented however on the day, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth so I don't think the medical records alone will be enough if she can convince the judge that's she's fine now. The evidence I've got will not only show a cycle of destruction but an ever increasing one.

Now, if that's still not enough, will my daughter's opinion count? Not only does she want nothing to do with her mum, but it's the fact that she hates leaving her brother behind. She simply wants to stay here where either him are present. She's not admitted to it directly but I can see that she starts getting a little anxious when she foresees what may come when the mention of mum is made.

 

[sammy01]

So I'm still trying to understand...

She is gone? Can you change locks and teach kids to lock up to keep her out? Will they support you with that?

Look if she has moved out - great. If she comes to the house while manic - call the cops and get an AVO against her if she is being abusive / threatening...You might wanna contact the school when the holidays end and ask for them to contact you if mum arrives at the school. That said, schools are pretty useless with this stuff. So you wanna discuss with your daughter what she would do if mum shows up...

Look - I'm assuming you're on the money with the mental illness stuff - that being the case, I reckon you wanna have strategies in place to keep you all sane and get the ex to make the court application or attempt to mediate. If she doesn't do that, ok.

Let's hope she does and a good set of arrangements can be in place for all concerned

 

[Hayder Shkara]

Hey mate. First of all, very tough situation you are in. I agree with a lot of Sammy01's comments as well.

Look if she has moved out GREAT. If she comes to the house while manic - call the cops and get an AVO against her if she is being abusive / threatening...
You might wanna contact the school when the holidays end and ask for them to contact you if mum arrives at the school. That said, schools are pretty usesless with this stuff

Schools won't listen to you unless there are direct court rulings in place that allow or forbid a parent from interacting with the kids at school. They will not get involved otherwise. In relation to what you originally asked:

- How much weight does her medical history carry?

- How much weight do my daughter's wishes carry?

- In the past, we've let her come back home because she's promised to seek help and follow through with it. She's only ever started therapy seriously and then things slowly deteriorate. I want sole custody of children and guardianship and due to previous occurrences (I think this is the 12th or 13th time she's left home/the marriage for varying periods), I will only consider allowing her mother to see our daughter after she goes through with therapy.

Do you think this is a reasonable request and if so, what are the chances of a judge ruling in this favour?

Stability and medical conditions are taken seriously by the courts. Your daughter being 10 years old is also quite able to provide some influence on the courts decision for custody. They will probably form a report where they will speak to your son and daughter about their experiences and their relationship with both parents. This report is quite significant to the court.

If there is a chance where the mother can be reasoned with and orders by consent can be made - you should try and do it that way. Surely she realises that she is ill and needs to seek help herself and that her children are suffering?

 

[MartyK]

- How much weight does her medical history carry?

As much as the Judge decides it will based on all of the evidence.

Evidence of the mothers medical history et al will certainly be helpful to the Court, as well as evidence that the mother is not following prescribed treatments.

In some cases, where mental health of a parent could be a concern, an 'expert' report (forensic psychiatrist) will be ordered so to assist the Court further.

- How much weight do my daughter's wishes carry?

As much as the Judge decides it will.

There would likely be a family report where the child's views can be ascertained.

Something that is highly unlikely to play any part in any decision however, is the 10 year old missing her 17 year old brother. This is not exactly a 'separation of siblings' scenario. The 10 year old lives with her brother and you.

- I want sole custody of children and guardianship and due to previous occurrences (I think this is the 12th or 13th time she's left home/the marriage for varying periods), I will only consider allowing her mother to see our daughter after she goes through with therapy.

Do you think this is a reasonable request and if so, what are the chances of a judge ruling in this favour?

Sole parental responsibility - possible but not guaranteed
No contact order for mother - possible but not guaranteed.
Time for the mother to be contingent with her receiving treatment - likely

 

[MrWoof]

Thanks for all the replies guys, I really appreciate them.

I'm not worried about her coming to the house or school or trying to cause a mess for me. All I am saying is that in the past, when she's had a manic episode and left, she's made some very stupid and reckless decisions which put my daughter in harm's way.

All I want is for my daughter not to be with her, at all, until she agrees to, and sticks with counselling and is better and I feel that my daughter will be safe when in her presence

 

[sammy01]

OK, so you're stopping her seeing the kids because you have concerns for the kids welfare while with mum. Cool, no court is gonna screw you over for that one.