She is going to take me to the cleaners - where do I stand?

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evea8571

Well-Known Member
16 January 2022
16
0
71
Hi All,

This is a long story and complicated, but I will try to keep it as concise as possible.

Marriage has been in dire straits for a while, she is a control freak and narcissist. I have finally come to the conclusion she can't see reason so I have been looking into divorce for some time now. I HAVE had legal advice but I'm looking a second opinion here as some things just seem wrong.

Been married for 5 years and we have a 4 year old. I know where I stand with child rights so don’t need to cover that here; adding here though in case that factors into the financial apsect. We are both high earners and neither of us would struggle for money if alone. What I am unsure of is the financial split.

I am from the UK and had a house for 15 years before I met her. House is worth approx. $180k and I have paid off approx. 100k so I brought 80k as contributions. In the five years we’ve been together she has only contributed $1000 when I needed to pay for some repairs at one point, this was only done because we only had a joint account and couldn’t pay it myself (she put a stop to that early so she could control me more).

When we got our joint account I brough in 10k, she brought nothing. I also paid off the rest of her hex loan and her car loan which also came to approx another 10k.

She bought an apartment when we started dating but it was off the plan and only got completed AFTER we got married. We moved in together there and since DAY 1 when she had to make the first repayment, I have paid exactly half for the whole 5 years, this is the mortgage, strata fees, building, literally everything. The apartment is worth approx $470k but was bought for around $540 so she (we) has actually lost money.

In terms of wages since being together I have always earned a lot more than her. I would say she earns about 2/3 of what I earn so it’s quite significant.

We also bought a house for approx. $1m which is 50/50 exactly on everything. Her parents “gifted” us 60k to help with the deposit.

I am a very reasonable person and all I want back is what I put in. I have suggested we split all assets which we can easily identify as 50/50 first then move onto assets in our own names. This would be the house, furniture etc and joint bank account (both cars were bought out of our own money and I know there would be no issue here, she keeps one I keep one). I have also said that I will pay back her parents my half of the deposit after we sell the house which is 30k. In turn though, I only think it is fair that she gives me back what I have invested into her apartment (my name is not on the deeds). Just on this point alone I believe (at least morally) I am entitled to more anyway since I have brought in so much more money than her the past 5 years, but I thought it would be petty to go there, so I just said 50/50 split. Here is where the narcissism comes out.

She said she won’t give me anything back I have put into her apartment and that it is tough luck and it’s what I signed up for when we got married. Of course, this led to massive row. A few nasty things were said by her and I retaliated by saying I can get half of her apartment because I have paid everything from day 1 with her (except a 50k deposit she put down), I would say this is approx. 20k. When I said that, she said she was going to take half of my house then, and things just got of hand as arguments do…

I know how the asset pool and contributions work; I don’t need advice on this. What I want to know is the following (of which I can prove):

  • The money I have put into her apartment since being with her of 20k does that count as contribution my side and am I entitled get it back?
  • Same goes for the 10k I opened our bank account with, and the 10k I used to pay off her loans
  • Does she have any claim to my house? She said she does, but I don’t see how, I am wondering if it is all just bluster to scare me (she’s very controlling); she has had legal advice however, does she know something I don’t?
  • Where do I stand with her parents’ “gift”? This is a tricky one because I have had different answers to this. On one hand I have heard that legally I do not have to give it back as it was a gift – they wrote a letter and signed it saying so and said we didn’t owe them anything. On the other hand, I was told that this would actually be viewed as a contribution from her side, anyone know how this works?
Just to clarify my intention with the gift. I intend to give her parents it back but if she starts getting nasty, which I think she will, I want to use it as leverage by saying that if she doesn’t want to give back my invested money I put into her apartment then I’ll take it out the gift money and give back what is left.

I also have lots of evidence that shows she is controlling, manipulative and abusive but I am unsure if this holds any sway legally? For example, the main reason I want my investment back is because she manipulated and lied to me about it. 6 months after I moved into her flat, I realised I was wasting my money and paying for her investment. I asked her to put me on the mortgage and explained why. She really didn’t want to do it because she saved up the 50k by herself. I was understanding of this and could see her point, but then explained that it wasn’t fair on me also to continue paying and not “protecting” myself. So I gave her an alternative, I said I would not pay anything instead and she keeps it in her name. She didn’t like this either so agreed to put me on the mortgage. We signed all the paperwork at home and she “sent it off”. Turns out she never did, and I found it recently by accident that I’m not on the deeds. Regardless of where I stand legally here, that was a disgusting thing to do and extremely manipulative, and I can prove it if needed. So she can get f*ked (pardon the language) if she thinks I am not getting the money back I put into it.


Wow, and that was the short version!