WA Renegotiate Parenting Plan

[cubanpete]

We have a parenting plan which was agreed 12 months ago and is 50/50 time. On one of my days I have he children, I have been open to the OP request they can decide (3.5 and 7) where to be. Both are at school (kindy for the younger one). The OP wants to push towards a 75/25 as she finds the little one clingy and needy when with her and believes its due to not seeing enough time and even wants to consider different schedules for the children. I do a lot of outside activities with them and I see siblings building a relationship.

She has gone to a different mediator to the original one from last year (not sure why) as we can't agree as I would like longer than the 2/2/3 schedule whereas she flat out refused and wants 75/25. I have suggested if there are attachment concerns we would be best positioned to engage a child psychologist as there has been no issues from daycare or me, the little one sleeps great and eats well with me and is well regulated. The OP suffers from depression so I have a thought it could be the children mirroring her mood, or could be a range of things that adjusting the parenting plan is finding a solution to an unknown issue. Additionally, her workload means the little one does a lot of after school care which I would have minimised if i was concerned about spending more time with her.

The mediator is pushing for the initial consultation but I am awaiting a response from the OP about the child psychologist. Is it OK for me to push back on the mediator? I have stated I want to go through a psychologist to understand the needs of the child rather than the parenting plan and the response I got was, in short, will you do mediation, yes or no? I don't want to get the certificate of refusal so she can proceed to court as that doesn't resolve the root cause.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be great.

 

[sammy01]

ok -so you refuse to mediate.... BIG DEAL... Seriously. Minor concern a shrug of the shoulders.... But look, I'd suggest you do the mediation. You refuse any changes, but go along in good faith (you'll be disappointed)...

So - In your world... Is 50/50 working? I reckon the 2/2/3 schedule makes sense given the age of the youngest. Mate you're not likely to get 50/50 in court with a child that young, that isn't a reflection of parenting, just a reflection of the court system. Short version, parents in conflict don't make good parents. Any parent in court must be in conflict - because they're in court.... And so it goes around and around.

But with 50/50 established - If you felt the need to give a little - going to 6/8 to appease her would be worth thinking about.... BUT by the sounds of things you're all over this and shouldn't be agreeing to anything unless you reckon it is best for the kids.

 

[cubanpete]

ok -so you refuse to mediate.... BIG DEAL... Seriously. Minor concern a shrug of the shoulders.... But look, I'd suggest you do the mediation. You refuse any changes, but go along in good faith (you'll be disappointed)...

So - In your world... Is 50/50 working? I reckon the 2/2/3 schedule makes sense given the age of the youngest. Mate you're not likely to get 50/50 in court with a child that young, that isn't a reflection of parenting, just a reflection of the court system. Short version, parents in conflict don't make good parents. Any parent in court must be in conflict - because they're in court.... And so it goes around and around.

But with 50/50 established - If you felt the need to give a little - going to 6/8 to appease her would be worth thinking about.... BUT by the sounds of things you're all over this and shouldn't be agreeing to anything unless you reckon it is best for the kids.

Hi Thanks @sammy01 I love the objective comments which isn't sometimes what you want to hear but it's what you need to hear. I assume if I go to mediation, which i have no issue with, and suggest that we consider a child psychologist and build a plan around the specific needs to build a stronger little person. That way we don't adjust the parenting plan now but delay, review and re-assess. I assume that wouldn't be considered as a failure and go to court right?

Would the court look at the status quo and movement from that position need a good reason? I understand if i went fresh to court it could be difficult but now we have been operating for 12 months would that be the basis of any discussions?

 

[sammy01]

Even if you get something of an agreement at mediation, the certificate will still be issued if requested by either party and used to apply to court.

Yes status quo is important. The age of the child is important also. So doing all you can to delay her applying to court would be beneficial.

Look if the ex isn't inclined to withold the kids - forcing you to apply to court, then i reckon you should just keep playing nice. You want to present as being capable of co-parenting and the only thing in dispute is the amount of care... That said, pretty extreme for her to want to go from 50/50 to 25/75... What do you think is motivating her?

 

[Dpj]

The danger of appointing a child psychologist is they may be influenced by your ex's claims of separation anxiety and recommend more time with her. It's based on the age of your youngest. I had 6 nights then went to 5 based on legal advice. My kids were pre-school age and lawyers were worried I'd lose time despite her bad wrap sheet. Your 3.5yo makes it tough for you. Court appointed psychiatrist said ex was highly likely to have BPD the child psychologist, despite my ex's clear dysfunction, wanted to drop me to the number of days of the age of the youngest child (ie, you would get 4 days a fortnight). Precedence saved me thank God and as kids were coping fine (words of the psychologist) I kept my 5 days.

Lesson for you is,
1) as Sammy said, play nice and prolong as long as you can.
2) psych may be convinced by your ex's claims and you drop in time.
3) your kid's are young and despite you seeing them 50:50, court/psych is very much likely to say the mum is the primary carer even if you have more actual time (due to daycare) with kids. That's just how psychs in Australia are educated (it's different in many other countries where 1st and 2nd attachments are considered equally important).

See the mediator.. but try and book in advance.. may be cancel an appointment due to sickness.. then rebook. Try and prolong court, if that's where it's heading, til your youngest start school. Gather as much evidence in the meantime that support your case of 'no separation anxiety' such as videoing handovers (ie, showing 3.5yo wanting to come into your care) - just advise her you have a dash cam (or whatever) re filming.

Good luck

 

[sammy01]

I'd advise against 'cancellling due to sick.
Play with a straight bat. Don't f**k around with petty games because integrity matters. How I behave when my kids are watching matters as much as how I behave when theyre not watching...

 

[Dpj]

Fair call Sammy. It's not playing with a straight bat. I just think the OP has to be selfish here in the pursuit of prolonging mediation or anything that may trigger the ex to proceed with court.