NT Relocation without orders

[Haley7]

Hi all,
I really hope someone can help me.
I'm from NZ, and all of my family are back there. I came to Australia 9 years ago to be with my ex partner and we had a baby girl.
Long story short, he has barely been a part of my (now 7yo) daughter's life. I have encouraged him for years to see her more often. He has gotten worse, at the moment has gone 4 months without any contact. He missed her first day of school, has never seen her at school, dance, footy etc.
Neither of us have family or close friends here, so there are no support networks.
I would love to take my daughter back to NZ, to be surrounded by family and have an amazing childhood around where I grew up. We would have so much support, on a personal level I'll also be able to access financial support and start studying (which I'm unable to do here in oz).
I have asked him if we could leave and organise holiday visits, and he refused. Yet he has essentially abandoned her.
We have been through mediation, and I'm in the process of trying to set up a family conference (fdr) to be able to apply to court. This has been hard as he wouldn't even give me an address or email for the application.

My other option is just packing up and moving to NZ. I *think* we'd be exempt from The Hague convention as there's no orders, but I think my ex could file for a recovery order. If he did, how closely would they look at his home life? He jumps from job to job, has no assets, is an alcoholic, and (obviously) makes no effort to have a role in my daughter's life.
I've been researching for days, and most info I find that related to me involves court orders of which we have none.
I just want the best for my daughter, and our life in this isolated little town is not it. Any advice??
Thank you so much if you took the time to read all of this

 

[Haley7]

Just wanted to add:

*LOTS of broken promises - not turning up to pick her up. I have put her into counselling to learn how to work through her feelings, and understand it's all him and not her fault
*There is a minimum of 3 weeks between visits, I usually get a random phone call and then he will be there to pick her up in 5-10 mins
*No overnight stays since she was about 3
*His family live in Melbourne, and have sporadic contact... Mostly occasional comments on my Facebook posts...
If you need more info please ask

 

[AllForHer]

Okay, you need to continue with the FDR/Court process. New Zealand is a Hague country, so if you take the child without dad's consent, you may be subject to Hague proceedings, regardless of whether you have orders or not.

File an initiating application to relocate, but instead of focusing on how little dad has been involved in the past, focus on how you plan to facilitate the child having a relationship with her father if you are allowed to relocate. Seeking to relocate with no plan to facilitate the child's relationship with dad is unlikely to succeed.

 

[Haley7]

Thank you so much for your reply!! Yes that makes total sense. Disheartening, but very true.
I have done everything by the book for years, I will continue to do so. The process is just so long, and I haven't even been able to apply to court yet.
In the FDR I want to point out that if we do move and he has our daughter during school holidays for example, he will be spending more time with her than he is now. I would never block access (never have), and am definitely willing to facilitate their relationship if we move. Visits, Skype, unlimited phone calls etc if he/she wishes. I don't think he would bother, but I'd be open to it if he did decide to step up.
Thanks again!

 

[sammy01]

so why not contact him and inform him that you're planning on moving..... Be assertive. Dear ex, please be advised that I'm planning on moving to XXXXX town in New Zealand. I will be moving in (month). I would like to discuss with you arrangements to ensure that you're able to have meaningful time with XXXX.

Send him that - preferably via email so there is proof he got it... Then wait and see... If you don't hear back, or he doesn't express that he doesn't give approval, then your kinda sorted... Sure he could apply to court, but you'll have proof that he was aware of the move prior to you moving....