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VIC No De Facto Relationship - Paying Half of Costs Already Incurred?

Discussion in 'Family Law Forum' started by Chino, 22 February 2018.

  1. Chino

    Chino Active Member

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    Hi guys:

    So this saga is ongoing. Basically the ex-partner (we were together less than 2 months, never de facto) finally told me what she wants.

    She wants me to pay half of everything, but not have any say in the upbringing (i.e. sole parental responsibility). Now I know that's ridiculous, and the advice of the Family Lawyers I got said the same. When I said that I wouldn't agree to that, and if I was paying I would like a say in where the money was spent (i.e. not on 5-day a week nannies and expensive private schools, or vacations 3 times a year, etc).

    She mentioned to me that she was being civil, and she could easily go to a lawyer and force me to pay half of what she has already spent - the cost of delivery, the cost of medical tests, the costs of everything she has already spent.

    Now bear in mind I still haven't even signed the birth certificate, and she has no desire to do a paternity test (I've asked), so legally I'm not even the father.

    My question is:

    Is there any sort of legal precedent where they can force me to pay for things that she has already paid for, like the delivery of the child, medical and genetic tests, etc? It seems a little crazy, but scared me, because I am sure that what she will ask for will be tens of thousands of dollars.

    Not sure what to do.
     
  2. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    No chance. She can apply for child support and see how they treat you. If your name is not on the birth certificate you have a few options. Tell them you are the father or don't...
     
  3. AllForHer

    AllForHer Well-Known Member

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    God no.

    Your only financial obligation is to pay child support, and even that's on the line if you're not on the birth certificate.

    Do you want a relationship with the child?
     
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  4. Rod

    Rod Well-Known Member

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    ...even if you are not the father?
     
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  5. Chino

    Chino Active Member

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    I think the more I get to know the kid the more I will want a relationship, but it also means being sucked into a very toxic manipulative relationship with someone that would have no qualms with taking revenge on me personally. There have been anonymous letters sent to my places of employment trying to ruin me, the last time we had a conflict.

    So I am really torn up about it all. Being involved with the child is the "right" thing to do, but I can only see it bringing significant conflict. And at this stage, without any connection to the child, it is hard to feel anything other than fear for my own future and personal safety.
     
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  6. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    Mate - RUN....
    How old is the child? Have you met the child?
    She wont agree to shared parental responsibility? she wont agree to do a paternity test? I'm willing to bet the child is not yours. You seem nice, reasonable. You want fair... What does she want? your money and she wants you to have no say how she spends it ALL without any proof that the child is yours.

    Have you stopped running yet? don't. Run some more... Get as far away from her as possible.
    Don't be bullied - IF she expresses a desire to facilitate a relationship with the child, then get back to us... Mate, I"ve been posting on this site for a while.. The saddest cases are the ones where men are desperate to be involved with little children.

    Stop, have a drink.... Now run more... Go get a new phone and a new phone number, tell everyone but her the new number... minimise all contact. Get back to us if the Child support Agency call... And if they do, tell them you're not the father and that you have offered to do a paternity test but the other person has refused.... Tell them nothing else.

    run
     
  7. Tim W

    Tim W Lawyer
    LawTap Verified Lawyer

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    Start thinking about a thing called Third Party Payments.
    This is a mechanism where you can pay bills etc yourself, for the benefit of the kids,
    and have it count as Child Support Payments, but the money never goes through the other parent's hands.

    While not literally identical, you may find this thread of interest.
     
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