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NSW Mother's Contravention of Orders Under Family Law?

Discussion in 'Family Law Forum' started by DadonaMission, 30 September 2016.

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  1. DadonaMission

    DadonaMission Well-Known Member

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    Hello,

    Our interim parenting orders state the child shall spend half the school holidays with me.

    I was due to have the kids and we'd confirmed this Sunday. However, I let the mother know that I had a stomach bug and that I'd let her know when I can have the children after I'd seen the doctor as I didn't want them to catch the bug.

    I contacted her later and let her know I was ok to mind the kids and even that I had some assistance available if I was feeling run down.

    Now she's refusing to consider handing over the kids until at least Wednesday of the following week (holidays almost over) and has demanded a medical certificate from me.

    I have told her this is a contravention of the orders in family law. Correct?

    Thanks.
     
  2. AllForHer

    AllForHer Well-Known Member

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    Correct. Illness does not alleviate a parent of their obligation to abide parenting orders.
     
  3. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    Yep, correct. But make sure you get the certificate. In fact get it ASAP. Go get it today if you can. Then call the ex tell her that you have a doctor's certificate that says you're fit from today and then tell her that you're expecting the kids on Sunday. Make sure all communication is via text message. I'd include that you want the kids according to the orders and will consider it a contravention if she doesn't comply.

    If she still refuses, ask her if she intends to provide make up time next holidays as the issue is not to do with your health but her refusal to comply.

    Learn a lesson here. Don't ask for help, because of a reasonable request for help getting a reasonable response, she has seen it as a chance to screw you over. Lesson learned.
     
  4. AllForHer

    AllForHer Well-Known Member

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    House rule for us is to raise all of the kids as we would if the family was in tact. As married parents, we wouldn't send the kids away any time we are sick, so that means we and my stepdaughter just have to endure and her time with her dad goes ahead regardless.

    Adopt the same mindset. Don't even tell the ex when you're sick because really, it doesn't matter.
     
  5. DadonaMission

    DadonaMission Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for your responses.

    I have an appointment with the doctor shortly. I will provide this to her today. I may even ask the doctor to phone her.

    I am almost certain she will still not hand over the children. I have told her it's a contravention. She doesn't care and has other advice.

    What shall I do to make sure this is dealt with in the strongest possible manner?

    Last holidays I was away for a few days for work during my time with the kids so I'd arranged my mum to stay with them in my home. The ex found out via my daughter's mobile phone and she turned up with the police demanding the children be removed because court orders state the children can only be in my care alone when they're staying with me. This is not the case.

    The obvious thing here is that she doesn't like the children spending time with me and wants to screw me, yes.

    What steps should my lawyer take?
     
  6. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    Mate, you're gonna have to pick your battles and make some tough calls. Personally, I would not let work commitments get in the way of my time with kids especially while you're only at interim order stage.

    Now organising Grandma to be with the kids is ok, normal and acceptable, but it opens a mess when in family law. She can argue that you are not child focused She can also argue that for the last two holidays, you have not been able to look after the kids for whatever reasons.

    BTW, in my court orders, it states that if either parent is unable to look after the kids, then the other parent should be given first option.

    Now I'm not saying her argument is right but it is an argument. Now the best strategy she can use right now is to cause arguments. This is the worst part of family law as far as you're concerned as the non-primary carer and it is a lesson you must learn.

    The best thing she can do is cause conflict. She is doing a great job. So eventually the court could say that clearly there is lots of conflict in this case and to prevent the kids being exposed to all this conflict the best thing for the court to do is minimise the contact, hence minimise the conflict. Result - less time for dad with kids. It sucks, but I also think you're not playing real well....

    I'm thinking you contacted her because you were sick and because you knew that if you asked Grandma you would wind up with the cops at your door again, so you thought you were doing the right thing? Well, didn't work out right... So let's learn a lesson here - Minimise all contact. Expect the unreasonable so don't give her the chance.

    Yep she doesn't care about contraventions. Not until you've taken her to court lots of times, she will get warning after warning and it will all cost you money. She will learn that she can get away with it, that is not a lesson she needs to learn. And courts don't really like their time being wasted with relatively petty matters. So time to start playing the game differently.

    I'd be reluctant to get the doctor to call her. Waste of time and he'd be unlikely to do it... But get the certificate (hopefully). Text her to say that you have the certificate and will give it to her at change over as per court orders. Even go to the change over and text her once she is 30 mins late to inform her that you're there - if she doesn't show. But do not engage in a text message war. It only shows conflict. Bad.

    What to get solicitor to do? Nothing. Read the paragraph about conflict again. Now certainly take solicitor's opinion above mine but consider how you use your funds. I'd be keeping the $$$ in the bank for getting final orders rather than fighting every contravention.

    Story time - mate my ex used to love this stuff and she did it real well. She would check the kids hair for nits when I dropped them off, roll her eyes and say 'you've got nits at you're dad's house again'. She would text me 10 minutes after she was meant to drop off the kids to inform me that the kids decided they didn't want to spend time with dad. All sorts of BS. Told me I had to pick them up from her house as her battery was flat, but I had an AVO against me and couldn't go within 500 metres of her house.

    Now with that one, I got smart. I went to the local cop shop and had a chat, showed the copper the text message where she told me to come to her house. Copper told me if I did that she would have grounds to do me for breach of AVO, even though she told me to come to her house... Nice copper told me he'd been through family law too. So he called her, told her that I was on my way and that he would be sitting in his car 15 metres behind. Her response? No need the car battery miraculously was fixed and she would be there in 5 min...And she was...

    On a side note - help me out - what happened when the cops rocked up last time?

    So she is provoking you. She wants you to spit it and tell her to f**k off. She knows she has the power right now and she loves it. And the best result she can get is if you lose it at her. She will run to the cops and have an AVO on you in no time and she will take that to the family law judge too....So how to respond? Minimal communication and preferably always via text message. You never should have contacted her about the tummy bug.

    And ambivalence. Don't get caught up with the conflict.

    Story time - Instead of listening to the ex at change overs or worse, still argue with her, I eventually changed my strategy. When she started talking to me I'd casually look over her shoulder, like there was an insanely pretty woman walking past and my attention was firmly on the imaginary woman. So the ex would be ranting.

    My response? Yep, no worries, thanks for the info...One time she even turned around and yelled at me 'what the f**k are you looking at. My response? Yep, no worries, thanks for the info. Completely deadpan. And as a result I started winning. Now this ain't family law advice, it is amateur psychologist advice.

    So right now she is trying to make your life impossible in the hope that you will just give up. Don't. But play the game better. Kill her with kindness. Why? it is a good strategy and it is inevitable that your kids are observing some of this stuff no matter how hard you try and hide it from them. True? So always behave with integrity so that if nothing else, your kids have one good parent as a role model.

    BTW - my kids now live 80% with me... Just a little ray of sunshine to keep you positive about this mess.

    Rant over -
     
  7. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    So how did you go?
     

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