mediation what do i need to do to be prepared

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nat 2015

Well-Known Member
8 February 2017
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hi have mediation in a week with my ex thru legal aid, i am anxious about it and would like some advice from anyone who has been thru it, and what can and cant be discussed , also in regards to child support i think my ex is being dishonest about his income, he works for himself and have been told my csa that they cant do anything until he does his tax
 

AllForHer

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23 July 2014
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What we did to prepare was work out what the best case scenario of what we would seek, and the worst case scenario of what we would accept. For example, best case that we would seek was 50/50, worst case that we would accept would be 35/65.

We also structured some minutes of proposed orders to serve as a foundation for negotiations. That way, we had some framework to work around when discussing what each party would and wouldn't agree to.

We also created a brief document of the issues that we wanted to discuss, such as changeover times, time spent with on birthdays and Christmas, holiday time, etc.

Now, the actual experience included a lot of time wasted on back-and-forth with the ex about things that were outside of her control, like her wanting to include rules about when the child could meet new partners and who was allowed to drive the child. Those are day-to-day decisions and the responsibility of the parent with whom the child is spending time, so it was just an unnecessary discussion that caused more conflict than it solved, and wasted a lot of time that would have been better spent working out the major issues, like where the child lived and how much time she spent with the other parent.

Mediation is an inappropriate forum to discuss child support issues, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if the mediator declined to facilitate discussion about child support. The Child Support agency is responsible for everything child support, not you or your ex unless you're entering into a binding child support agreement, so don't waste everyone's time by trying to, I don't know, put a clause into your parenting plan that says 'The father shall be honest about his income to ensure child support assessments are accurate'. It won't happen.
 
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nat 2015

Well-Known Member
8 February 2017
162
5
419
Yeah I wasn't going to bring up child support at all, it was just a seperate question to mediation
 

nat 2015

Well-Known Member
8 February 2017
162
5
419
My ex has also stated that if I do as my told that all the issues will go away I.e agree to what he wants, get back with him and he will be nice about the baby.
I am requesting that he be drug tested as he has had a history with taking drugs, I also think he needs to get a paternity test on the baby as he continually denies she is his as in his words "too white" and has made many accusations of me cheating. So to put his mind at ease I think he should, Can I put this forward to mediation.
 

sammy01

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27 September 2015
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You can make the suggestion. He can refuse.
If you want the paternity test are you prepared to pay the costs?
 

nat 2015

Well-Known Member
8 February 2017
162
5
419
I feel even after leaving him his still trying to control me and the kids,
Also the other thing is he constantly calls and texts the boys who are 13 and 14 now I didn't have a issue with it at all but when my son voiced to me that his sick of dad calling him when I said this he said " I am there father and they have to speak to me everyday they are with you" he becomes very aggressive about it, I think it may be over the top
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
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Well, it's not your job to govern their relationship with their dad. Maybe the best answer to that is to teach your kids a little resilience and how to handle their problems like young adults instead of expecting you to do everything for them. They are teenagers, now, after all, and besides, that's one of those things that's really outside of your control, particularly if the kids have their own phones.
 
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