NSW Looking to Get Consent Orders After Change in Situation?

[Nid2498]

Hi all,

Just to get opinion please.

I was married for 8 years before separation. My son was nearly 2 at the time we separated (he is now 2-year-old). My ex and I went to Mediation 2 months later, we spent 3 hours and outcome is 50% shared care, no court order was made after.

After separation, I moved to the next (10mins drive) suburb away from him. However, there has been difficulties in communication & situation.

- He refuse to pay for child care but he is using them on his working day. He decided to work only 3 days and stay at home for 2 days so if I applied for child support I have to pay him.

- He also informed child care not to allow me to visit our son during the day because it will upset our son even though child care staff told him that he was totally fine.

- Every time I asked him for child care fee he only said that if I am struggle financially he should have 100% custody.

Last week, he moved 55kms/1.5-2 hours away and only informed me the address 2 days before it was my turn to pick up our son. I asked him last week to compromise dropping our son off at my work since he does not work. This will allow little one to have normal routine for dinner/bed time rather than me picking him after work and spend 2 hours in the car on the way back at night time.

His response is only that I just have to leave work early or come on the next day morning, and if this is too inconvenient for me, I should give him 100% custody and I can have a fortnight visitation.

I can't handle the fact that he cannot communicate, this is not the first time, and I genuinely felt that his best intention is not for our son but just to piss me off.

I got legal advice and sent him an email last night stating the fact that he is not willing to communicate and he moved away without caring how the arrangement will be changed and force me to follow, etc and with all the reasons I provided, I believe it's our son's best interest to be with me and it's ok for him to have our son every weekend fortnightly and we can arrange pick up drop off.

He hasn't replied but usually he did very quickly so I assume he did it on purpose. I still proceed with holding my son with me in the meantime but I got questions below;

1- What could happen next if he attempts to come to take him away from me or even pick him up from child care?

2- If he does not agree to it, next weekend when it's his turn to have our son, do I really have to allow the exchange to happen when my gut feeling tells me that knowing him, he will not return our son back?

3- I got advice that I can do an urgent recovery order (which will take up to 6 weeks?). Do I really have to go down that path?

I am looking to get consent orders or a parenting plan in place but I have a fear of him taking our son away from me when there is no other communication / proper reason he can provide to me why it it ok to do ongoing 50% share care.

 

[thatbloke]

How is 55km a 2 hr drive?

 

[SamanthaJay]

How is 55km a 2 hr drive?

guess it would depend on where they live. What used to take me 20 minutes to drive now takes 45 minutes due to development in the area that I need to drive through.

 

[thatbloke]

In all seriousness your ex is being a nasty piece of work.It sounds like he is very demanding and rude to be honest (i am a male)

1:He really should pay for daycare during his times, no questions asked if he is working
2: He really should be accomodating the move by not forcing you to drive a lot further or come the next day
3: He should not be threatening at ALL to give him 100% time because of these things

You area mother of a 2 year old with no court orders whos father has suddenly moved quite a way away. This puts you in an advantageous position as a female (reality) You have no court orders or parenting plan which, in reality, is worth less then toilet paper in an enforceable kinds of way and just out of principle i would be withholding and forcing anyone who behaved like that to court for orders.

Therefore, because of the move, and his attitude, If it was me, i would not be doing the exchange but i have self represented 4 times in 15 years and know what i am doing. If you chose this path, be aware no orders = no rules so if you leave the boy at daycare dad could easily pick him up and do the same and you will need to not take the child to daycare (he is only 2 no big deal) until interim orders are in place. Can you do that and still work?

Rarely do courts give 50-50 in the interim for a 2 year old, especially when one parent has moved quite a way away, and usually, but not always, mum gets to be the live with parent in the interim.. so why not call his bluff?

The only thing he is correct about is the visiting daycare thing. NEITHER of you should do this during a daycare day, it destabilizes the child's routine. He is at Daycare, let hm be there and learn some skills without drop ins.

This is not legal advice, just my opinion

 

[Rod]

I suspect you need to apply for parenting orders. It sounds like the situation is about to get worse.

 

[sammy01]

I would continue with the current 5050. If he withholds the child, deal with that at the time... Yep it could take 6 weeks to get to court. BUT long term it could be worth it... WHY? well the waiting lists for court are huge. An urgent recovery order will get you started faster... And dad is being a goose... All the more if he withholds the child for no good reason. If it came to that, I reckon you'd get interim orders where the child lived with you and spent limited time with dad... So all of a sudden dad will realise that the approach he has taken is counter productive.

 

[larrylarry]

note the "breaches" of the informal agreement, which isn't binding. Alternatively, go back to mediation and if he refuses, get a S60I and prepare your application and affidavit really with interim orders and final orders with respect to parenting. good luck!