Hi,
My partner and I separated in March. Initially, I was able to see our 15 month old son every second day, or basically, whenever I asked to see him. However, after a couple of weeks, this changed. We had a disagreement over our son due to what appeared to be a burn on his hand. I asked her what happened and she said she didn't know, that she can't always be watching him etc. A couple of months prior to this, he had a large cut on his thigh (superficial, but still), which I asked about and she said the same thing. I told her it isn't good enough to say "I can't always be watching him", as he is only 15 months, he needs constant supervision. She said "F^% you" and began talking about court and custody.
Anyway, the next time I saw her, she had calmed down and we both agreed court wasn't necessary. Things were ok for a little bit. I asked if we could have set days each week, rather than me constantly asking "Is this day ok, how's about this one?". It's incredibly hard to go week to week with the uncertainty. Her idea was two set days, no overnight stays and one floating day. My response was that a floating day still promotes uncertainty with plans and that there is no real reason our son can't stay overnight with me (he is off the breast). She also said that she needed 3 days in a row each week to go to her family's place; I suggested that I have 3 days in a row also then. Pretty much anything I put forth was shot down and eventually it ended up how it is now: I see our son 2 days a week, for 8 and a half hours (each time).
After the conversations, I sent her a text, asking for a fair arrangement. If it wasn't possible, then I would proceed to mediation. Her reply "I agree, we need mediation". So, I applied for legal aid on the 20th or so of April. Unfortunately, I am still waiting for a verdict. Yes, I am out of work, but I am applying for any and all jobs I can. I am doing everything I can. This is the only bad thing she could say about me. I don't drink, no drugs, I don't smoke, gamble, etc. I'm probably one of the calmest people you would ever meet: no anger issues. No history of violence.
As I see it, there is no actual reason to limit our time together, especially to such a degree. Our relationship has suffered because of it, sadly. If she had some perspective, she would understand that it's not just hurting me, it's hurting our son. He has a right to have a meaningful relationship with me - not for me to be like a stranger to him. We've always been super close (he was a daddy's boy), so it makes it even worse.
The reason I write all of this, is because I was given a timeframe of 2-3 weeks for legal aid to be accepted or denied. That time has come and passed. I rang the grants division, they then said it's currently a 6 week wait from when I put in the application. Again, the time has come and passed and I've heard nothing. Is this standard? Is there anything I can do to expedite it? Or, something I can do in the meantime to try and get more time? This arrangement isn't working at all.
I know technically I could have my son overnight and there is nothing she can do about it, but I fear that once I did take him back, I wouldn't see him until she was forced to by a court order. The thing is, I value his relationship with her. As long as she doesn't endanger him, I know it's best for him to love and care for us equally. What's wrong with that? I don't understand where her issues lie.
Lets say I do get granted legal aid, how long roughly until mediation commences? I'm not incredibly optimistic that she will co-operate in any manner, but I need to hold onto some hope. I will not stop fighting for his rights; he needs a mother and a father, not a mother and a stranger.
My partner and I separated in March. Initially, I was able to see our 15 month old son every second day, or basically, whenever I asked to see him. However, after a couple of weeks, this changed. We had a disagreement over our son due to what appeared to be a burn on his hand. I asked her what happened and she said she didn't know, that she can't always be watching him etc. A couple of months prior to this, he had a large cut on his thigh (superficial, but still), which I asked about and she said the same thing. I told her it isn't good enough to say "I can't always be watching him", as he is only 15 months, he needs constant supervision. She said "F^% you" and began talking about court and custody.
Anyway, the next time I saw her, she had calmed down and we both agreed court wasn't necessary. Things were ok for a little bit. I asked if we could have set days each week, rather than me constantly asking "Is this day ok, how's about this one?". It's incredibly hard to go week to week with the uncertainty. Her idea was two set days, no overnight stays and one floating day. My response was that a floating day still promotes uncertainty with plans and that there is no real reason our son can't stay overnight with me (he is off the breast). She also said that she needed 3 days in a row each week to go to her family's place; I suggested that I have 3 days in a row also then. Pretty much anything I put forth was shot down and eventually it ended up how it is now: I see our son 2 days a week, for 8 and a half hours (each time).
After the conversations, I sent her a text, asking for a fair arrangement. If it wasn't possible, then I would proceed to mediation. Her reply "I agree, we need mediation". So, I applied for legal aid on the 20th or so of April. Unfortunately, I am still waiting for a verdict. Yes, I am out of work, but I am applying for any and all jobs I can. I am doing everything I can. This is the only bad thing she could say about me. I don't drink, no drugs, I don't smoke, gamble, etc. I'm probably one of the calmest people you would ever meet: no anger issues. No history of violence.
As I see it, there is no actual reason to limit our time together, especially to such a degree. Our relationship has suffered because of it, sadly. If she had some perspective, she would understand that it's not just hurting me, it's hurting our son. He has a right to have a meaningful relationship with me - not for me to be like a stranger to him. We've always been super close (he was a daddy's boy), so it makes it even worse.
The reason I write all of this, is because I was given a timeframe of 2-3 weeks for legal aid to be accepted or denied. That time has come and passed. I rang the grants division, they then said it's currently a 6 week wait from when I put in the application. Again, the time has come and passed and I've heard nothing. Is this standard? Is there anything I can do to expedite it? Or, something I can do in the meantime to try and get more time? This arrangement isn't working at all.
I know technically I could have my son overnight and there is nothing she can do about it, but I fear that once I did take him back, I wouldn't see him until she was forced to by a court order. The thing is, I value his relationship with her. As long as she doesn't endanger him, I know it's best for him to love and care for us equally. What's wrong with that? I don't understand where her issues lie.
Lets say I do get granted legal aid, how long roughly until mediation commences? I'm not incredibly optimistic that she will co-operate in any manner, but I need to hold onto some hope. I will not stop fighting for his rights; he needs a mother and a father, not a mother and a stranger.
