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NSW Issues with Ex and Family Relationship Centre

Discussion in 'Family Law Forum' started by Tarah, 15 July 2016.

  1. Tarah

    Tarah Active Member

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    I have a beautiful baby girl who is 13 weeks old.

    Her father was never supportive during and after pregnancy. He is a compulsive liar, a drug addict, doesn't have a job, a car, a licence, and he is like a bum in the local town with his druggo mates who all hang out scabbing cigarettes off people passing by and that's all they do with their life. It's absolutely humiliating.

    He lives with his mummy and in about 7 months, he had 6 jobs which he lost. He bullied a co-worker, acted like he was the boss, controlled people, never turned up much for shifts. He stunk and had bad hygiene. He is just a gross person that I have no idea how I never saw it when I first was with him.

    Doctors said I was unable to have children so this beautiful amazing girl is a miracle. I told him I refuse to even try for a child with him (if it was possible - just in case) until he got his life together but was pregnant at the time and didn't know.

    He would leave me home alone constantly while off smoking bongs with friend's and whatever else. Never had support even living with him. I was physically sick for months but after two weeks of finding out I was 6 weeks 5 days preg, I left him and never returned.

    He could not care less. He still managed to try and get money off me, even scab food and ask me to buy him smokes etc while I wasn't even living there and we weren't together. He destroyed a lot of my belongings when he packed my stuff to move me out of our rental. He never asked how I was and once offered to pay half of an ultrasound bill...then asked me to pay him back. He is a selfish person and I wish he would just drop off the earth!

    So anyway, no help whatsoever during pregnancy. His family stopped talking to me. I deleted them off facebook. Only because of ex but they refused to talk to me after that. Childish. My family and I paid for everything. I did it all without him and then one day I received a letter from Family Relationship Centre in Penrith. I was fuming!

    From day one, I told him to get off the weed, quit the lying and be responsible and it will work out better for our daughter. For some reason, that was too hard and now this was being put on me. I refused to see this FRC place just for his piece of mind. I gave him chances during pregnancy to sort it but he refused.

    So anyway, due to my history of medical issues internally (to prevent even having a baby) I chose to see the same obstetrician who healed me before with cancerous cells. Because of that, ex broke his promise to help me with money for the obstetrician. I chose to see a doctor who was $140 a month and because of that, ex refused to help me pay. Even his mother said he had no right to pay when.it was my decision not to go public. I only asked twice to ex for money at the beginning.

    An issue each time so I quit and did it alone. Barely heard a word from him during this time so I never let him know when she was born.

    Now since bub has been born, he and i got close again somehow. I had seen a change with emotion and he has promised me he's been off the weed for months.his mother says she was drug testing him. Was a lie. She said she had finally stopped doing his banking (he had no idea how to pay bills or anything!) And that was a lie. She sticks up for him constantly.
     
  2. AllForHer

    AllForHer Well-Known Member

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    What's the question here?
     
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  3. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    So he is a scum bag. You had unprotected sex with him.

    You realised he was a scumbag yet you 'somehow' got close to him again after the birth of the child? Then you realised he was a scumbag.

    I used to think I was indecisive, but maybe I'm not...
     
  4. SamanthaJay

    SamanthaJay Well-Known Member

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    Tarah, get some counselling in an attempt to try and move on from him. For your own peace of mind but most of all, for your beautiful baby.
     
  5. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    Or agree for the father to see the child. If he was good enough to shag, good enough for you to live with, then he is good enough to know his child. Just because you can't decide whether or not he is a scum bag or someone you're willing to have sex with doesn't mean you should get to choose whether or not he can know his beautiful baby...
     
  6. SamanthaJay

    SamanthaJay Well-Known Member

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    sammy, I meant move on from him in an emotional capacity. Tarah needs to get herself together so that mentally she's stable and able to care for the baby.
     
  7. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    Ok, so you seem to be upset because he has taken the initiative to organise mediation with a reputable organisation for the purposes of making arrangements about the child you guys share and you were 'fuming' because he did that?

    What exactly has he done wrong?

    Now - you guys had a rental place together right? Was your name on the lease? Who paid the rent?

    Now all the other stuff about poor hygiene / scumbag, etc etc.... That is your opinion.

    The only fact here is he has initiated mediation with a reputable organisation and that you think that is unreasonable?

    You're wrong
     
  8. AllForHer

    AllForHer Well-Known Member

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    I agree with sammy01. Frankly, you sound like you're having a lot of trouble separating your personal feelings from your child's needs, and if you carry on that way and dad pursues parenting orders, you're running the risk of losing the child all together because you're clearly unable to support and encourage the child's relationship with the father. It underpins change of residency orders all the time, perhaps even more so than allegations of violence, these days, so don't let society tell you it's all about what the mother wants, because once you're in front of the judge, you're going to learn very quickly how untrue that rhetoric really is.

    Unfortunately, you have already made the choice about how tolerant you were of the father's flaws when you decided to have the baby. Now, it doesn't matter what you think - your child has a legal right under section 60B of the Family Law Act to have a meaningful relationship with both parents, and it's that legal right that the Court will endeavour to uphold.

    My suggestion to you is to seek counselling and complete a post-separation parenting course that teaches you a thing or two about co-parenting before you end up in Court. If you file an affidavit that looks anything like this post, thinking it will help advance your case, you're in for an unpleasant surprise.
     
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  9. Tarah

    Tarah Active Member

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    I have been trying to edit it and it won't let me. I accidently posted it and never got to finish.
     
  10. Tarah

    Tarah Active Member

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    Excuse me...I never got to finish my post. I accidently pressed the wrong thing and have tried to edit it.

    i don't need nastiness, thank you. I tried to sort things out with him to make a family after saying he would change for her. He was not that bad at the beginning as to why I had sex with him if you must know. Gees.
     
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