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VIC I feel my children are unsafe with there mother

Discussion in 'Family Law Forum' started by Robsdad, 21 April 2017.

  1. Robsdad

    Robsdad Member

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    I have a 10 yr old 8yr old and a 6yr old I have recently separated from there mother as she is hanging around a 60 yr old man getting drunk and taking ice !! She isn't being the mother she used to be I feel my children are unsafe in her care and every time I drop them home I fear for there safety what can I do to make sure my children are safe ?? Please help
     
  2. AllForHer

    AllForHer Well-Known Member

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    Who she hangs around is her choice, plenty of perfectly capable parents get drunk from time to time, but the ice thing may be an issue. Do you have proof?
     
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  3. MartyK

    MartyK Well-Known Member

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    The key to real success in Family Law is evidence, evidence evidence. If you have solid grounds that mum is using drugs and is neglecting her responsibilities to the children (60 year old boyfriend in itself being irrelevant), then you should retain the children. Advise mum in an email why you have done so (covers a base), and, either make an urgent application to the Court or wait until mum files her own.

    Who files the application being dependent on a logical assessment of additional trauma to the kids i.e. will mum, mum's brothers et al start banging on the door, being disruptive to the kids etc.
     
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  4. Robsdad

    Robsdad Member

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    I understand that her hanging around with a 60 year old but when you have proof that he has been spiking young girls drink at a pub and my ex leaving my children un attented I the house why she goes next door and drinks all night I feel is not right !!

    Can I take my children and not return them when there is no court order in place
     
  5. Hoang Trang

    Hoang Trang Well-Known Member

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    Would it be a good idea for him to first seek a lawyer to discuss all the relevant facts before making a decision to withhold his children?
    It may be very traumatic to children especially when he has a 6yr old.

    When I had my first hearing the judge ordered a drug test based on my ex's allegations which I was happy to oblige. Something he should request.
     
  6. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    Spiking drinks - dang I've drunk in lots of pubs for lots of years, no one has ever spiked my drink.....
    But seriously, nope you don't have proof, you believe it to be true AND more importantly it has NOTHING TO DO with you or your kids.

    Ok so leaving them to go next door. Again, not great - but the eldest is 10.... Mate my kids get off the school bus, walk 10 min home and stay in the house for 30 minutes till I get home from work. Not every day, but occasionally.

    Ok so you've said they are unsafe.... and I also understand the Ice thing... But what you've got so far is pretty flimsy.

    Look at this point I think you're right to worry. But, you really do want to think about the pro's and con's of doing anything...
    My advice, keep an eye on things, if the kids school attendance drops off because mum is too hung over to get outa bed and get the kids to school, or if they are coming to you unwashed and complaining about being hungry constantly and telling you things that just don't sound right, then get back on this site...

    Now the other thing to consider is how you will manage full time care in the short term.
    Look if she is taking ice, let her, none of your business, BTW the stuff you read in the newspapers about the stuff is mostly true, but some folk do manage to use the stuff recreationally without getting addicted (according to a friend who is a drug and alcohol counsellor)

    One last thing - The longer she is on ICE the more obvious it becomes she is on it... Again get back to us... Once that is the case then removing the kids and calling Doc's is on the cards. You can then insist through court that she do drug tests before seeing the kids. BUT the court may not be interested, so collecting grounds for concern is your best bet. Not evidence, BTW just grounds for concern because it is up to the courts do determine evidence - not punters like you and me...
     
  7. AllForHer

    AllForHer Well-Known Member

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    What proof do you have that he's spiking drinks?

    Someone told you so? That's hearsay, not evidence.

    A criminal conviction? That's evidence.

    But even so, what's that got to do with the kids? Is he spiking the kids' drinks?

    You can certainly take the kids when there's no Court order. Should you, though? Probably not. It will most likely backfire on you in Court later on.
     
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  8. MartyK

    MartyK Well-Known Member

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    Notwithstanding OP has come to a Law site, and posted in a Family Law forum, the first point of call where there are genuine concerns for child safety would not usually be a lawyer but rather child protection. Noting, that if the OP did retain the children due to legitimate (evidence based) welfare concerns, and, provided OP does not themself pose any welfare risk to the children, then by Department standards OP would be deemed as acting protectively. Thus, would have done the right thing. Any further intervention, at least at this point, by DHS, would not usually be required. This could later be used as evidence in a Family Law proceeding.

    When it comes to the Family Courts and breaches of court orders (or even withholding if there are no court orders in place), real concerns of child welfare is a very good reason for this, and, again, would mean a parent is acting protectively. Children have a right according to the law to freedom from harm. The Convention on the rights of the child also makes that very clear. Provided the reason for withholding is evidence based (not just a hunch), then the OP would have a good chance of establishing 'reasonable excuse' in Court. The alternative to not acting protectively, being, leaving the child/ren in the dangerous environment, and, having those legitimate safety concerns minimised later at Court due to the contradictory nature of ones actions. Not to mention furthering the risk for the children if the risk is legitimately present.

    Yes, orders for drug testing are often made where allegations of drug useage are raised.
     
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  9. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    Yep look I think I kinda agree with Marty.... But without court orders the op is placed in a precarious position. Withhold the kids, ok. But what then? Once he drops them at school, mum can pick them up. Mum will then in all likelihood stop him seeing the kids.

    So what to do? Certainly a conversation with Doc's could be on the cards, but no guarantees that will help. Sometimes they are unhelpful... They could go speak to her (maybe) then she will have a heads up that dad has been snooping about and then stop him seeing the kids...

    Another option? organise mediation and request both parents agree to drug screening?

    Look at some point when there are welfare concerns a parent has to do something... But the practical realities mean it is fraught with problems. How does dad go about withholding the kids? especially without stopping them from going to school. BTW without court orders the school are not going to be interested in helping him.... That is the reason he ought to consider waiting and possibly considering the benefits of waiting to see if thing get better or worse.

    One other thought - go see your GP and ask for advice... Doctor's have a professional responsibility to notify relevant authorities when a child is at risk... Better the complaint comes from the GP than directly from the dad.
     
  10. Rod

    Rod Well-Known Member

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    I like this idea.

    The problem is that a doctor has to have a reasonable belief. Without evidence such as an injured child it would be hard to see how the doctor can form a reasonable belief.
     
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