QLD How Would Family Court Play Out?

[Jesso]

Looking for help with the following situation:

Father wants to see children, hasn't seen children for 12 months as of now. He has only tried to contact mother through other people and asked to see children.

Mother has not contacted the father or engaged with him directly or through other people about the father wanting to see children. Father has been told previously he needs to contact a mediator or lawyer then they contact the mother. This has been said on a number of occasions. The father ignores this.

Before the 12 month period of no contact, the father had contact. He refused for months to agree to set times and days to see children. Those days were open to him naming days not mother giving him days but just wanting it to be more consistent for the children. The father, however, preferred to continuously drop by the mother's home whenever he wanted to see children unannounced and not invited. Father was not always on best behaviour. Leading to the mother moving with children to a new home due to this behaviour.

The mother feels she has legitimate reasons to refuse to deal with father directly. The father has been told to contact through mediator or lawyer.

From a family court perspective, will the mother be seen in a negative light given she won't talk directly with father about the children? If the father took the mother to court to see children.

The mother isn't trying to deny father to see children out of spite or anything malicious. There are genuine safety concerns. And mother and children are only starting to rebuild their lives and in an stable environment. Mother and children were homeless for over half of that 12 month period.

In the 12 month period, the father isn't believed to have sought legal advice and didn't prior to the 12 month period. So didn't agree to mediation or seeing kids regularly somewhere other than at the mother's home.

At some point does, the father's lack of action be seen as his responsibility or will the mother be seen negatively and blamed if it will go to court.

Appreciate any comments. Just keep them civil. This is not about the father being a victim and the mother using the system.

On another note, the father had been to jail twice in that 12-month period, will this make the mother look worse as the father was incarcerated over the period? And the mother still won't talk directly with father.

 

[SophieW]

Does the mother have a lawyer? It is unfair to ask the father to engage a lawyer ($$$) before he can contact the mother. I'm not sure what you mean by a "mediator" - I don't think there are mediators you can pay to do this kind of contact.

Frankly, I think the mother is being unreasonable (and childish TBH) not wanting to speak directly to the father. There can't be safety concerns if they are communicating via phone or text message. Yeah, it's yucky to talk to an ex, but we're adults - deal with it. They could use a monitored app like Talking Parents, which tracks all of the conversations and can't be deleted like text messages.

If how you set it out is true, then I think the father did make a mistake not committing to days and rather continuing to drop by unannounced.

Re this: "Mother isn't trying to deny father to see children out of spite or anything malicious. There are genuine safety concerns. And mother and children are only starting to rebuild there lives and in a stable environment."

The mum needs to understand that "rebuilding lives" needs to include the father. She can't just shut him out altogether and start "a new life" where he's not involved. It's going to harm her kids in the long run.

If I were either the father or the mother, I would propose a Family Dispute Resolution conference where the following are discussed: Contact directly between parents via Talking Parents (or similar), and set dates and times for contact e.g. start with 2 hours/week at a local park or shopping centre, with changeover at somewhere like a McDonald's carpark. See how that goes and then reassess.

If the mother really is very concerned about safety, she should propose supervised access and offer to share 50% of the costs. Get the access reports after, say, four visits, and see how the father is doing with attending to kids' needs.

If the mother carries on refusing to talk to the father, in my opinion, she is going to look bad in court.

 

[Jesso]

I did ask for civil comments.

The mother isn't in contact with the father. So you are wrong with your remark.

A mediator is like a third party who can help the parents or involved parties come to an agreement. I don't think it's unfair for the father to access either of those resources. Mediation would be free and a lawyer is an option.

The mother is rebuilding due to the fathers behaviour. It wouldn't be possible to start living where the mother now lives if the father knew the location as previous behaviour would start again.

Please refrain from commenting further on this post! Your comments are off the bat critical and not helpful at all.

 

[SophieW]

I thought my comments were very civil! Sorry to have been of no help. Good luck to you.

 

[Jesso]

You referred to the mother as being unreasonable and childish. Also commenting it's not fair the father contact a lawyer cause the mother doesn't have one. The mother has contacted lawyers previously! She hasn't sat by and waited. It was only over this recent 12 month period the mother hasn't dealt directly with the father. But the mother did contact a lawyer but the lawyer felt at the time it would better to continue at a later date.

Mother only wants the children to have an positive and consistent relationship with the father. But he has fought her every step of the way. Refusing to agree to the simplest of suggestions.

You misunderstood the father was encouraged by the mother to have that relationship.

Threats of family court have only risen because the mother has decided to put her and the children's Wellbeing before the father's. And ceased contact directly with the father. The mother worried how it may look that it's been 12 months of no contact between father and children and how the courts may see it.

The last part of your comment was appreciated. Not sure if the mother could afford to offer 50% towards supervised visitation. But still open to it depending on costs.

 

[Jake Matherson]

If dad is being civil and trying to establish contact with mum and the kids but mum is stonewalling dad because he isn't doing it the way mum wants, you would expect that should it progress to Family Court the mother would be told she needs to co-parent which means communicate with the ex about the needs of the children including visitation's, phone calls etc.

Family Court Orders would overrule and pre-existing no contact DV Orders if there were any and mum and dad would be free to communicate about the children.

If the mother was unlucky enough to get herself a cranky Registrar or Judge the mother might also find herself getting a stern talking to in the court room also.

I would suggest that the mother establishes contact with the father, keeps things to the point and respectful and helps develop a relationship between the children and the father to avoid years of Family Court stress that could potentially be avoided.

 

[Jesso]

The father isn't being civil at the moment. And is actually the one being aggressive. And this has been ongoing behaviour.

This is the reason the mother hasn't contacted him directly.

The mother thought going through a lawyer or mediation would be best to work towards an agreement in regards to the children. No need for petty back and forth.

Father will not be reasoned with if mother and father were in direct contact. This is fact from past and present behaviour from the father.

This is what mother is worried about everyone seeing this as the mother 'stonewalling' because mother doesn't want to contact father directly. And courts ruling against her. The mother hasn't been refusing the father seeing children because she is being malicious just wanting it to be done in an safe and non threatening way/environment.

Sounds very negative for the mother so far anyway.

 

[Jake Matherson]

Obviously none of us here have read the messages or seen the behaviour so it's just speculation on limited information.

If it were serious it would be spoken about at mediation leading up to Family Court and then it would be included in the mother's affidavit and any overly aggressive messages would be used as evidence.

The father is trying to get some time with the kids. Let's just assume for a second that dad is entirely capable of looking after the kids for 1 hour, 1 day, 1 weekend. however long you think.

The kids have a right to have a meaningful relationship with both parents (it's written into Family Law) forget about what happened in the past things change, a year is a long time in a child's life.
Contact dad and organise some time for him and the kids and you use that time to do some stuff for you. Be the bigger person and don't let it get to you.

Then you might find that dad calms down because he no longer has to do the run around trying to make contact with you to see his kids.

Family Court is a hell of a lot more stressful you want to avoid that if you can.

Unless the children are at an immediate risk of physical or sexual violence from the dad keeping the kids from him will look negatively on you should it proceed to court and he will likely be awarded more/make up time.

 

[Jesso]

The father doesn't need to do any running around. He knows to contact mediation or a lawyer. It's been told to him numerous times. Not only by mother but other parties.

That's the only thing being asked of him. And he keeps refusing. It seems he isn't expected to be an adult himself and do the right thing. But it all falls on the mother at the moment. And if she were to go to court the judge likely to rule against her.

Appreciate your perspective on the situation though! Just sucks that it seems a families safety is not considered just as important as the father's right to see the children.

Definitely gives the mother things to think about.

 

[sammy01]

You are getting good constructive opinions... It just isn't what you wanna hear. But they are good opinions. You asked for civil comments and that is what you got.

"Father has been told previously he needs to contact a mediator or lawyer then they contact mother. This has been said on a number of occasions. Father ignores this."

Really - dad needs to lawyer up just to see his kid?

"The father isn't being civil at the moment. And is actually the one being aggressive."

No he isn't. By your own admission he has not contacted you... Because you won't let him. You have told him "Father has been told previously he needs to contact a mediator or lawyer then they contact mother. This has been said on a number of occasions."

Short version - dad has to spend money on solicitors to see the kid.

Crazy idea - try and contact dad. Agree for him to see the kids. Not with solicitors or anything else - go on dare ya. How easy is this. One text message. Dear ex. It would be good for the kids to spend some time with you. Please communicate via tex to make arrangements. It would be good to come up with an agreement moving forward.

respectfully. You have asked how this will play out in court. The answer - not good for you...

See the nice folk here who volunteer their time to give you opinions have all said similar and you don't like it.... Think about that a while.