NSW How to Go About Mediation with Ex?

[Jarrad1984]

Ex lives 15 minutes away...

F is 7 months old, she is not listed on avdo. I have 8 charges... Harassment, etc., and included 2 breach avo, 2 breach bail. I have 8 section 9 bonds against me and advo for 1yr condition 1 a,b & c.

Ex won’t talk to me and has blocked every avenue except if I get a lawyer I guess... Have requested a cert but still have to wait...

If ex did accept mediation, how do I go about it?

Your knowledge is greatly appreciated.

 

[Migz]

Ok first things first, put your foot down with the place doing the mediation. And ask them to supply the s60i certificate. If what you're saying is true they have had long enough to arrange mediation. Go in there and pick up a copy this afternoon. Tell them there delays are now costing your daughter valuable Father-daughter bonding time.

 

[Jarrad1984]

Mediation has just called me for initial meeting but not till 10th of next month. Meanwhile I still don’t get to see our daughter... How long does this process take, as in when will I ever get to see F?

 

[Migz]

If your ex is in agreeance to some form of contact at mediation...then it will only be a month away.

But...in all honesty, she has bought herself a month, then when she fails to negotiate at mediation (as most exs do) then you wait a few days for the s60i certificate...then you file your paperwork to the courts...the courts can/do take upto 3 months for your first hearing...plus they shut down over the Xmas break so add another month...

Look if you see your daughter before February 2019 you will have done extremely well. Sorry for the harsh reality. Do NOT under any circumstances contact this ex of yours or breach your AVO in any way. You need to focus on carrying out a few courses...ie. The change behaviour course run at about 20 weeks long. And book in and do a Parenting Orders Program. Get your little girls room ready ie. Give it a paint and put on some new pillow cases doona covers etc etc.

Use this 5 months (should it take that long, mine did) to your advantage...continue to tell yourself that she is younger than 2 so she won't remember any of this as well.

 

[Jarrad1984]

Ok thank you, so regardless of which avenue this goes down I will get some custody of my daughter... eventually.....

 

[Migz]

Yes...Get yourself familiar with section 60CC of the family law. This is what Judges are "supposed" to refer to when determining the outcomes for a child.

Look you're in a sh*t position and she currently holds all the cards (been there) one piece of advice (and the fact that your child isn't on the DVO) DO NOT ever agree to supervised visitations...it's costly and very restrictive. The best thing you can do is write up "growth in time" orders for your little girl. Even use these in your "interim court orders" when you file your paperwork.

So, Tue and Thur arvo each week 4.30 to 6.30pm as this gets you to do dinner and bath time and hand her back to mum in fresh Jamees. Sat and Sun fortnightly 11am to 3pm covers lunch and arvo nap time to get her used to her new room. (3 months) then following 3 mths increase the time is. 3.30 to 6.30pm and 10 to 4pm every second weekend. And continue to increase to over nights by age 3. The midweek visit is important as it shows you can carry out dinners and bath time and brushing teeth and brushing hair etc etc.

The weekend one is important as it gets her used to sleeping in her own bed. Take photos of this for future court dates as you will be in court for the next 2 years..

 

[Jarrad1984]

Thankyou migz.

I will start checking over things and will be in touch with some more questions, if that’s ok...

Kind regards

 

[Jarrad1984]

Would you possibly help me with the “groth in time” intern orders.....

 

[Rod]

Re-read Migz post - he has given an example of how to increase time as your daughter gets older.

Think about where you want to end up and at what age. Say 50/50 time by age 3. Could be 30/70 depending on work commitments, this part is up to you.

Then work backwards, probably in six month stages, about how much care time you have in that six month period.

 

[Migz]

Hi Jarrad, Yep happy to help. Here is a copy paste of "growth in time" orders, and as Rod said, have a think over the weekend what would work for you time wise? Print these out, have a play around with them. When you have worked out what would work for you come back, and I will show you how to write them up into "interim Orders" for your court paperwork.

Example of "growth in time" some judges like to call it "stepping stones program/regime"

For 3 months every second weekend from 9.00am to 5.00pm each Saturday and Sunday
Every Tuesday and Thursday evening from 4pm to 6.30pm (with the Father to have the child bathed, fed and ready for bed when delivered to the mother following time).

For 3 months every second weekend from 10.00am Saturday to 4.00pm Sunday
Every Tuesday and Thursday evening from 4pm – 6.30pm.

For 3 months every second weekend from 4pm Friday to 4.00pm Sunday
Each alternate week ever Tuesday and Thursday from 4pm – 6.30pm.

For 3 months every second weekend from 4.00pm Friday – 4.00pm Sunday
Each alternate week from 4.00pm Tuesday to day care the following day.

For 3 months each alternate week from 4.00pm Thursday to 4.00pm Sunday
Each alternate week from 4.00pm Tuesday to day care the following day.

For 3 months each alternate week from 4.00pm Thursday to 4.00pm Sunday
Each alternate week from 4.00pm Tuesday to after day care on Thursday.

By the time the child is 4 years of age

Each alternate week from 4.pm Thursday until after Daycare the following Monday.
Each other week from 4.00pm Tuesday to 4.00pm Thursday.

By the time the child commences school

Equal time either week about, or 5/2 alternate weekend roster.