I have applied for a DVO after years of abuse (financially, emotionally and on two occasions physically). We separated in the year 2012 and he was unable to let go. Phone calls, texts, abusive messages on Facebook to friends, etc. (Note, only some of these messages still exist due to phone changes, and friends deleting messages. Really regret not getting copies at the time).
He has on many occasions threatened to take my son away, have me declared an unfit mother because I have depression and threatens to take me to family court, have police come to my home. We have had amicable patches, only when he's busy with a new girlfriend.
I am at the point where I'm terrified of the front door, have my blinds drawn and can't listen to voicemail or pick up private numbers. He's been using private numbers and numbers of friends and family to call my phone.
He married in secret in May, and in June I received a phone call stating the new wife had "gone crazy" and was threatening to kill my son. I had to go and pick up my 5-year-old who was really upset, and noted that the ex and his new wife had also been in a physical altercation.
I reported this to the police, to the school, and in turn, child protection were also notified. A week later, he demanded to have our son stay at his house. When I refused on the basis that it was too dangerous, he told me he would take me to court. This was the last straw.
He has an unsafe home environment, pays no child support, has had no job at all but a fantasy one (in order to dictate when he can have our son). I can't handle being a mum and fend off the ex.
So, after years of putting up with a jerk, I've asked the courts for help. Boy, do I regret it. I have a temp order that asks him not to contact me via phone, internet/ social media or through friends/family. The order has myself and my son named. I am able to give written permission for visits with my son. I intend to have the DVO to protect myself, and have protection for my son outside of our agreed care plan to ensure no disruption in our lives.
The attitude I'm facing at court is that his behaviour is my fault because I won't let him see his son. Note: I applied for temp order immediately after the trigger point and it has been 3.5 months only. While its a long time, its only until this is sorted out.
Ex has said one sentence. "She won't let me see my son". The magistrate, upon hearing those words, has decided I'm there to play games and only focus on our son. I have informed him that I have started mediation proceedings in order to organize care/visits/contact. I have literally heard the words "If you just let the man see his son, the behaviour will stop". "I don't see why you won't just go to McDonald's and let them have an hour or two".
I have repeated over and over that I fully intend to facilitate a relationship between the two but in a safe environment that can be monitored and in a place where we can agree. I kept raising the fact that I was there for me, that it wasn't family court and that I was there asking him for help.
I got to the point yesterday where I told him that if he was so concerned with my son being named on the order to just take him off. His response is that I've raised concerning matters to the court and he wasn't going to do so. I told him that I'd informed him of the same information at the last hearing, and didn't understand why he was pushing for the Mcdonald's senario when I was there specifically for DVO and had addressed the issue with my son visiting his dad.
Not once has the magistrate considered me as a person. Not once has he asked me a single question that relates to me, or the impact this situation has had on me, purely because I gave birth. I'm at breaking point. I went through so much and to be told its my fault and be labeled as a vindictive mum only set out to have custody of a child is devastating.
There are literally 5 pages of notes about all the situations I've had to deal with in the application. I understand that by naming my son that the situation concerns him also, but we obviously do both need protection.
Side note: when I arrived at the courthouse yesterday, I was bailed up by ex and told it was my last chance to stop the proceedings and that "you know I'm going to win anyway". He also asked his brother to speak to me and tell me that he was going to drag it out and it was my last chance. Do I report it?
We now have to go to trial. I don't know what the point is any more. I feel like I don't matter anyway. Plus side being a new magistrate.
Another side note: ex has been arrested and charged with multiple counts of fraud, and is going to court next November. Jail time is definitely on the cards. He's involved in some type of drug trafficking from what I understand but no mention has been made so far of anything being done about it.
How do I show I'm not this horrible person I'm being made out to be? Do I just get a solicitor to deal with the situation? I made the mistake in thinking that if you needed help and you asked for help, that you would get help. I feel like I should have had a solicitor from the very start but couldn't afford to.
He has on many occasions threatened to take my son away, have me declared an unfit mother because I have depression and threatens to take me to family court, have police come to my home. We have had amicable patches, only when he's busy with a new girlfriend.
I am at the point where I'm terrified of the front door, have my blinds drawn and can't listen to voicemail or pick up private numbers. He's been using private numbers and numbers of friends and family to call my phone.
He married in secret in May, and in June I received a phone call stating the new wife had "gone crazy" and was threatening to kill my son. I had to go and pick up my 5-year-old who was really upset, and noted that the ex and his new wife had also been in a physical altercation.
I reported this to the police, to the school, and in turn, child protection were also notified. A week later, he demanded to have our son stay at his house. When I refused on the basis that it was too dangerous, he told me he would take me to court. This was the last straw.
He has an unsafe home environment, pays no child support, has had no job at all but a fantasy one (in order to dictate when he can have our son). I can't handle being a mum and fend off the ex.
So, after years of putting up with a jerk, I've asked the courts for help. Boy, do I regret it. I have a temp order that asks him not to contact me via phone, internet/ social media or through friends/family. The order has myself and my son named. I am able to give written permission for visits with my son. I intend to have the DVO to protect myself, and have protection for my son outside of our agreed care plan to ensure no disruption in our lives.
The attitude I'm facing at court is that his behaviour is my fault because I won't let him see his son. Note: I applied for temp order immediately after the trigger point and it has been 3.5 months only. While its a long time, its only until this is sorted out.
Ex has said one sentence. "She won't let me see my son". The magistrate, upon hearing those words, has decided I'm there to play games and only focus on our son. I have informed him that I have started mediation proceedings in order to organize care/visits/contact. I have literally heard the words "If you just let the man see his son, the behaviour will stop". "I don't see why you won't just go to McDonald's and let them have an hour or two".
I have repeated over and over that I fully intend to facilitate a relationship between the two but in a safe environment that can be monitored and in a place where we can agree. I kept raising the fact that I was there for me, that it wasn't family court and that I was there asking him for help.
I got to the point yesterday where I told him that if he was so concerned with my son being named on the order to just take him off. His response is that I've raised concerning matters to the court and he wasn't going to do so. I told him that I'd informed him of the same information at the last hearing, and didn't understand why he was pushing for the Mcdonald's senario when I was there specifically for DVO and had addressed the issue with my son visiting his dad.
Not once has the magistrate considered me as a person. Not once has he asked me a single question that relates to me, or the impact this situation has had on me, purely because I gave birth. I'm at breaking point. I went through so much and to be told its my fault and be labeled as a vindictive mum only set out to have custody of a child is devastating.
There are literally 5 pages of notes about all the situations I've had to deal with in the application. I understand that by naming my son that the situation concerns him also, but we obviously do both need protection.
Side note: when I arrived at the courthouse yesterday, I was bailed up by ex and told it was my last chance to stop the proceedings and that "you know I'm going to win anyway". He also asked his brother to speak to me and tell me that he was going to drag it out and it was my last chance. Do I report it?
We now have to go to trial. I don't know what the point is any more. I feel like I don't matter anyway. Plus side being a new magistrate.
Another side note: ex has been arrested and charged with multiple counts of fraud, and is going to court next November. Jail time is definitely on the cards. He's involved in some type of drug trafficking from what I understand but no mention has been made so far of anything being done about it.
How do I show I'm not this horrible person I'm being made out to be? Do I just get a solicitor to deal with the situation? I made the mistake in thinking that if you needed help and you asked for help, that you would get help. I feel like I should have had a solicitor from the very start but couldn't afford to.