NSW How do I walk away from parenting proceedings

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Permanently Broken

Active Member
3 September 2021
8
0
31
Hi,

This is my first time posting so I hope I’m doing it correctly.

I also apologise for the long post.

As my username states I’m a broken man, I’ve lost everything, Ive lived in a deep depression and cried daily most of the past 2 years due to the actions of my ex wife.

I’ve got two amazing kids, 8 and 13 who always loved their dad and always wanted nothing more than to spend time with him. And I absolutely feel the same way with them.

We had an amazing relationship and I cared and loved them from the minute they were born. I still do and just thinking about them hurts like hell and it’s a pain that hasn’t gone away and has only got worse with time.

My marriage started to break down over the past few years and as I could no longer handle her abusive, narcissistic, manipulative and gas lighting behaviour which was affecting my mental health and I had no option than to move out.

The first month living alone was tough as I missed my kids and our family life. They would come and visit and we’d still have fun but when it was time to go home they would break down and cry because they missed me and didn’t want to leave. There was also a sadness in their eyes that I had never seen before.

This broke my heart every time the had to leave and would keep me up all night crying and sobbing.

When it was evident I wasn’t going back to my ex, I noticed that my kids gradually stopped coming around and stopped phoning and FaceTiming me.

I still went around to visit and while I was there one day the police turned up and charged me with domestic violence. I was stunned as I was going about my day and the next thing I’m in hand cuffs in a paddy wagon and then in a cell for 6 hours and having my finger prints and a mug shot taken.

I can’t believe someone who I was married to for 15 years did this to me.

I’m then released with charges of domestic violence and a very restrictive ADVO stating I couldn’t go anywhere near the house, her or the kids.

I spiralled into a deep depression and was unable to function for about a year.

As I couldn’t see my kids the only option was to take her to court and obtain orders to see the them.

The best I got was an hour a week with each of my kids on the phone with the pleasure of paying a supervisor to listen in. It was humiliating, degrading and horrible. At $200 per hour and s report it was also sending me broke and into a bigger debt.

Of course this didn’t last more than a few months until she stopped these supervised calls and the court did nothing.

Very expensive family lawyers went no where due to her hiding behind the ADVO and I got into so much debt that I’ve had sell everything I own to finance the right to see my kids.

This has lasted two years and after reaching breaking point and spending close to $200K I’ve gotten nowhere because of the interim ADVO that remains in place and has been used as the main point of restricting access to my children.

The interim ADVO has stayed in place as my criminal hearing for the fabricatedy DV charges has been delayed a number of times due to COVID. Plus it will most likely turn into a final ADVO after my hearing restricting me for another two years.

After being destroyed as a person and a father and being broken permanently I decided that I could no longer do this.

I had no option than to give my lawyers notice and to give up. I tied to convince myself that I was a good dad and fought for my kids for this long but just couldn’t do it anymore, but the thoughts of being a bad father always persisted and so did the thoughts and memories of my kids.

Before I lose even more I want to file with the court that she can have sole parental custody as she’s coached the kids on everything and I’m fighting a losing battle and slowly losing my mind.

I guess my question is how do I admit defeat and arrange with the court to give her sole custody and just give up the fight?

As I was the applicant taking her to court I’ll also be liable for costs as I’m withdrawing myself from the proceedings. I

I really don’t know what to do or how to put an end to this and salvage whatever I have left of myself.

I just really want this torture to end.

Thank you for reading.
 

Atticus

Well-Known Member
6 February 2019
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294
2,394
I guess my question is how do I admit defeat and arrange with the court to give her sole custody and just give up the fight?

As I was the applicant taking her to court I’ll also be liable for costs as I’m withdrawing myself from the proceedings. I

I really don’t know what to do or how to put an end to this and salvage whatever I have left of myself.
If you just withdraw she could file for costs within 30 days.... An option to consider would be to offer to enter into a consent order that gives her sole parental responsibility & visitation by agreement.... If she accepts that should finalise the matter without risking a costs order (based on withdrawing anyway)
 

Permanently Broken

Active Member
3 September 2021
8
0
31
If you just withdraw she could file for costs within 30 days.... An option to consider would be to offer to enter into a consent order that gives her sole parental responsibility & visitation by agreement.... If she accepts that should finalise the matter without risking a costs order (based on withdrawing anyway)

Hi and thanks for letting me know of the repercussions.

I doubt it but I thought I’d ask the question anyway.

There’s a clause under my Conciliation Conference Consent Order that states:

Each party will otherwise retain any other personal liabilities, loans or debts in their sole name and will indemnify the other party in relation thereto.

I know that the Conciliation Conference Consent Order was related to financial and property matters only, but could this clause be used to offset any filing for costs by her if I just withdraw?

Thanks again
 

Atticus

Well-Known Member
6 February 2019
2,011
294
2,394
I know that the Conciliation Conference Consent Order was related to financial and property matters only, but could this clause be used to offset any filing for costs by her if I just withdraw?
Wouldn't prevent her from filing, it would then be up to you to satisfy the court that the clause gives a legal basis to have the claim for costs dismissed... Really don't like your chances, as you say, the clause was specifically part of & in relation to property settlement.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
5,152
720
2,894
hey - I read your other post.
Offer consent orders - The children shall live with mum and visit dad by mutual agreement. That gives you an avenue down the track when the avo ends to attempt mediation again... I hate my advice sometimes, but maybe, just maybe, in a while she will chill. She will have won. And you can ask to see the kids, she can say no... You ask, she says no... You keep asking, every 3-6 months. If nothing else you'll have something to show the kids and maybe, just maybe, when they realise who she is they'll come knocking on your door and because you've retained parental responsibility, you'll have an angle if they wanna choose to live with you when they're older.

It also means you can contact the school to get reports etc. Mate - I feel your pain. But I think this is a better option. It also avoids you having to pay her costs. BTW - that is unlikely anyways.