SA Handover locations

[Johnt]

Hi,

myself and my children’s Mum had previously done handover of our kids at a local shop, it worked well for 1 year. She’s now saying that it stresses the kids and that I need to go to her house to collect them. Given the nature of her behaviour and our relationship I have stated I don’t want to be going to her house and asked she not come to mine. She refused to meet at any other location. She’s said to bad get a court order.

I’m curious what a judge would likely do in this instance, can they force a handover location on a parent, ie me, can a judge issue orders stating I must collect from her house.

everything she says is a lie and she makes no attempt at organising an alternative location so I’m just wondering how the court would see it?

thanks

 

[Rosscoe]

I would be interested to know why there would be a difference in handover at the shop v handover at her house? If it doesn't inconvenience you I see no harm in trying it out. If the current arrangement is genuinely stressing the kids out maybe try it for a bit? Also she may be doing it just to get a rise out of you? and if you say - yeah, sure no worries see you at yours at xx. Maybe set a firm boundary and say something like I will park on the street and let you know 5 mins before arriving. I would appreciate a calm, positive and quick handover and please ensure the children are ready". Perhaps ask how it is stressing the kids too and why she believes the children are stressed by it (she would have identified behaviour no doubt) and show genuine interest in why the kids may possibly be stressed? Maybe then even provide a few solutions to her like talking positively about each other's houses, ensuring kids are feeling good about where they are coming from and going to. I think dismissing her concerns as a lie or untruth (especially if she is primary carer) is a slippery slope and can be used against you long term.

Better strategy IMO is to say something, or that you will say something along the lines of "oh no, I absolutely don't want the children feeling stressed at handovers and we should address this. I'd be interested as to what your approach is in preparing them for handovers as it would be in their interest if we prepare them in a similar manner so that it becomes consistent and we can limit the stress as best as possible.I generally give them a warning xx time before it is time to go and how much fun they will have at your house and that I [you] really look forward to the next time they are with you and give them something to hold on to re an activity we will do when we next see each other etc etc..." (hope that makes sense)

Re court. If there are no genuine concerns as to why you can't be flexible in location of handover a court might not view this kindly, especially if the children are young. Handover's are stressful and if I look at it from the OP point of view it is possible to make the case to court that an external location away from home is a stressor as the children are in the "handover" state / zone (i.e. when the kids get in OP car to go to shop they know what is coming already) for a longer period of time as opposed to a quick, polite easy handover at home. Just trying to point out to you how easy the OP can make an argument against you here.

 

[sammy01]

mate do you really want to spend $$$$ to find out what a magistrate would do?
Some magistrates hate Macca's and often it is used as a neutral drop off place. Some magistrates hate it...

So options.
1. Spend up big to get a magistrate to answer the question OR
2. Agree. You pick up from her house, she picks up from your house.

My record? 5 hours waiting at Macca's. She lives 8 hours away and we meet at a half way point. But even when she lived near me she could still leave me waiting for 2-3 hours because she was 'busy'. Personally, picking up at her place would have been better because I could knock on the door and watch the kids run to my car...

 

[sammy01]

oops one more thing. Be smart. Make sure you have a text message or email from her saying you have to come to her place to pick up the kids and leave before there is an argument, even if that means not taking the kids...

Be strategic....