NSW Family Law - Should We Keep Asking Mother for More Time?

[Mylife]

My husband handed an initiating application in for interim and final parenting orders. In the meantime, we have been able to spend limited time with the children.

What I'm asking is, is it fruitless to keep asking the mother for more time under Family Law? We are just met with excuse after excuse. We've asked her to nominate an alternative time. No reply. Should we just leave it, not bother to ask and wait for Family court, even though we would love to see the children again in the interim?

Will all of her excuses look unfavourable? Or will they be disregarded?

 

[sammy01]

I'd be making reasonable requests and I'd making sure they are all in writing (email) and that you make sure that they are assertive but very polite. You don't wanna be accused of harassing her.

As far as whether or not it will look unfavourable, etc., look, I don't think it will hurt your case. Will it hurt hers? Yup. Will it cause her to let you see the kids? Nope, and it will probably feed the nasty little beast inside her that has led her to stop the kids from seeing their dad.

I know that my ex loved the power that came with deciding when I saw my kids, but it will also let her know that you're not going to go away.

But writing those letters might, at least, help you to feel like at you're trying. I have a folder with all the emails - my polite, well-considered emails to her and her nasty, boastful, manipulative, dishonest, threatening responses. When the kids are older, if they wanna know what went down, they can read those emails.

Get to court ASAP. If I had more time, I'd find an article worth you reading. I'll have a look later but basically, it shows how increasingly non-primary carers are getting better results through court than through mediation. Go figure...

In mediation, the primary carer holds all the cards while, in court, the magistrate is the boss... I know who I'd rather have making decisions about when I see my kids and it definitely ain't my ex...

 

[sammy01]

Found it...

Family Matters - Issue 88 - Shared care time | Australian Institute of Family Studies

The bit you really wanna read is towards the bottom. So scroll down to where it says "Court Data, but to save you some time - My favourite bits are:

"In fact, the data suggest that a greater increase in shared care time has occurred for judicially determined cases than for those in which parents reach an agreement by consent."

and

"A comparison of pre- and post-reform court files concerning children's matters suggests that the proportion of children who are allocated shared care time has increased considerably. This increase has been greater where the orders have been judicially determined than where they have been made by consent."

So go to court and ask for 50/50. In fact, I'd be asking for primary care status based on the fact that you're prepared to foster a relationship with the mum but she isn't prepared to reciprocate so, in order to prevent more court action because she ain't complying, you be the primary carer and she can see the kids alternate weekends and every Wednesday or whatever....

But read the article

 

[Mylife]

Thank you, Sammy.

Unfortunately, 50/50 isn't an option. The children live interstate. We are asking for one weekend per month and half school holidays.

It is the weekend time the mother seems to be struggling with. She has even enroled the children in weekend sports to prevent them from travelling to spend time with us.

Yes, probably great for the children, but as they've not played the weekend sport for well over a year and only started when we asked for weekend time, it does seem to be done in spite.