QLD Family Law - Issues with Ex and Care of Children?

[nat 2015]

Hi

I need some help.

I have a DVO out. My ex goes back to court on Monday to be heard. My concern is that over the weekend my ex breached the DVO. I called the police and they came out and took my statement. He had not returned the children by the correct time and decided to return them 9:30 that night after the police contacted him.

Now I have a 17-month-old as well that he hasn't taken too many opportunities to remain a constant in her life; its sporadic. I have only said no he couldn't have her twice for the time he asked as we had plans and the other occasion she was ill. She is still breastfed and we are currently co-sleeping for her benefit.

He has made many statements in the past the she is too white to be his Now my boys came home on Sunday night and had said that dad said you a Fing around with your boyfriend and that I am a bad mum and what kind of mum leaves her kids on Easter.

I was away in Tasmania for 3 days and was back in Brisbane by 5 - this was the first holiday I ever took without my children and I only had the baby with me. I don't know why I feel the need to defend myself against his actions.

Anyway I have spoken to my social worker and she has advised me not to hand the baby over until it goes to mediation and also that it's not a good idea to hand the boys over. I know he has rights and our children have rights to have a meaningful relationship with there dad, but at what cost to where it is bordering emotional abuse?

I also have a 20-year-old daughter who lives with him and I can see a lot of him in her. She has almost cut me out her life and tells our other children that I am a bad mother, whilst me and her have our differences.

Is there anything I can do about that as it's so not right...?

Please help me someone with some family law help

 

[Lance]

Hi Nat,

The court will consider breast feeding and co-sleeping but at 17 months, neither of those things will be considered as critical if your baby was a newborn. I'm not sure what you are asking about your 20 yo daughter.

What do you want to do about your 20 yo daughter, do you want to stop her bad mouthing you to the other kids?

 

[nat 2015]

Hi Nat,
The court will consider breast feeding and co-sleeping but at 17 months neither of those things will be considered as critical if your baby was a newborn. I'm not sure what you are asking about your 20 yo daughter. What do you want to do about your 20 yo daughter, do you want to stop her bad mouthing you to the other kids?

Yeah I realise that about B. I have asked her several times to stop it as it's unhealthy for the boys to hear those things, I have been honest with our boys about what was said, she is angry at me as when she was living with me I had some rules that she didn't agree with those were no drugs in my house and her boyfriend was not to sleep over, and as I am a single mum and was and still am on unpaid leave from work I asked her to contribute $70 a fortnight towards food and dog food.

My ex is enjoying this he says it all the time and it's exactly like this hahahaha she lives with me "it's childish and I am not sure why he acts like that, she is an adult after all and can live where she chooses.

I feel silly for writing this but I have dealt with this man for 20 yrs and I wonder if I am ever going to have any peace in my life.

 

[Blessing]

Are you going through court for parenting orders?

There is nothing you can do regarding him talking about you to the kids, short of asking him to stop and when you do get court orders you can get ones that prevents him degrading you in front of the kids. Unfortunately I don't believe there's anything you can do regarding your daughter.

 

[AllForHer]

Just a few observations...

As I understand it, you're seeking a DVO against the father but you have continued to facilitate his time with the kids regardless, so deductive reasoning suggests that while you might fear for your own safety, you don't really fear for the kids' safety when they're in his care.

This leads me to think that listening to the social worker's advice would be a bad idea.

If you withhold the kids now, the first thing your ex will do is file for parenting orders through the Court. He will probably be able to bypass mediation because of the DVO, and as soon as he tells the Court that you're stopping him from seeing the kids, that's a strike against your name and a very good chance of getting interim orders in his favour.

You have said he breached the DVO over the weekend, but didn't really specify how, or what the conditions of the DVO actually are, but for the record, keeping his own kids for longer than agreed when there are no parenting orders in place, is not a breach of a DVO, nor is it a crime, so I'm hoping that's not the grounds for the alleged breach.

Regarding your oldest daughter, I would be careful about how you address that situation. She's an adult, so she can't be bound by parenting orders, but she can file an affidavit against you and in favour of her father in parenting proceedings.

Since you've also commented about "being honest with the boys about what was said", I'm also wondering if perhaps there's an issue with insight here. The Court doesn't condone parents involving their kids in their disputes, no matter how old they are. I also note that you haven't really described any behaviours that I would say constitute emotional abuse by the father, but I would argue that withholding the kids from their dad actually does run the risk of caushing them emotional harm, so think about how that can be spun in the father's favour.

And finally, try and remember that yes, you really do have to deal with your ex for the rest of your life because you have kids together. Parenting orders that structure his time with the kids and control how you communicate with each other will probably help alleviate a lot of the conflict, and that will benefit the kids immensely. You've already learned from your oldest that kids eventually develop opinions of their own, don't risk having your youngest kids go the same way. You don't have to like your ex, but it's best for your kids if you can at least be civil with one another.

 

[nat 2015]

Ok to answer your questions firstly there is no parenting order but I have applied for mediation twice he has slept in and not turned up, when you say that I must not be to concerned about my children's welfare is not at all true, I was advised by legal aid that if I don't allow him access to the children that it can be used against me later thru family court, the dvo states that he is only to contact me in regards to the children, well he had been trying to contact me thru the children which when he did on several occasions was verbally abusive, yes I didn't report it, i have tried to keep the peace many of times,and I am sorry when my son called me and stated that dad is asleep and the baby was left on the bed at 8 months of age and he tried to wake him, other issues is my son has epilepsy and has been repeatly left to care for his baby sister and left home during the night on there own, I would love him to have over nights with our daughter but his actions concern me. When the children have come to me with concerns I have said in the past to speak to dad about it.so telling your 12 yr old and 14 yr old sons that your mother is a bad mother and she is f ing around not emotional abuse ????? And if your mother doesn't come home I have to sell everything, and your sister is not mine cause she is too white??? And controlling if and when they are allowed to talk to me when they are in his care that they have to use his phone and text him from his phone!!! I would never want my kids to get up in a court and side with either one of us I think for someone to do that would be ridiculous.
As for my 20 yr old unfortunately I know I can't do anything but I will not condone this kind of behaviour in front of the other children

 

[nat 2015]

Grounds for the alleged breach was calling me and swearing and telling to rot in hell you c-u-n-t cause I would t take his calls and when I did which he had said there was an emergency with one of the children that's when he got abusive.
There was no emergency by the way..

 

[AllForHer]

So what's your goal? To get a no-contact order so dad doesn't see the kids?

 

[nat 2015]

My Goal seriously is too have our children be in a safe and loving home and not have to deal with adult issues.
A no contact order would not be a choice at all, I wouldn't want that to happen to me I am doing my best with what I have at the end of the day we are responsible for our own choices.